To ensure that Bible gets read

[Tyburn]

I have an admission to make...I keep forgetting to do my one Bible Chapter a day...

But I have come up with a plan. I was told that I must speak as often as possible to my Budgie called Jens...who I bought for deeply spiritual reasons anyway (to remind me about my Intrinsic Value, which the demons keep telling telling me lies about ) So i've started to read out stuff to him, and its funny because you can read in your head a lot better then you can read outloud

Have any of you ever actually READ the Bible out loud. Its NOT very easy going. But you discover, as with everything, that if you SAY it, and SPEAK it, rather then just read it in your head....you learn more.

So...I'm reading my Chapter a day out loud to my Budgie (along with every thing else...like Forum posts...a Fighters Heart...a gas bill...anything so he hears my voice non stop...but I wasnt going to read the Bible out...funny that. I thought automatically about reading out something like a council tax statement...but I wasnt going to speak the word of GOD...I wonder why not...am I afraid someone will overhear me?? am I really that frightened...? no I dont think so...I think its because saying a few things...might force me to recognise them...I secretly know this...and I am secretly persauded that it would be easier not to...I suddenly became aware I was planning a time to do every single thing else...everything other then read the Bible...I would rather go as far as write my exercise plan and chose a definate time a day for that...then programme in reading the Bible...I became aware that I was ignoring it so much, it was becoming an effort to ignore it..actually a deliberate effort...and there was Jens chirping away and clucking his beak, snapping it open, and seemingly yawning at my protests...when he saw me looking at him..he turned and looked out of the window instead...it brought back to my mind the day i'd been reading in costa coffee and the little child sitting with its Mother on a nearby table had reached out and tried to grab and eat my Bible...how strange that a Budgie will sit and listen to scripture, and a Baby who has no care in the world will try and reach out and eat it...and here am I in a web of such confusion...because I'm aware of what the Bible is...they are not, they dont understand, they just sit there and listen, or reach out because its a colourfully coloured book....and I...the intelligent man...is quite afraid of what I might find inside, because I have the knowledge of goodness and evil....I know...I know what I am..and I know what I should be, and they dont match up...and I'm frightened by that, because I feel like I should have power over it...but having the knowledge of it completely ruins my ability to actually have power over it...thats why its a curse...thats why GOD didnt feed them the apple, and Satan did....and suddenly I feel in a deafening silence that I am not the only one in the room who is well aware of this knowledge, and the fact I have it...and how to decieve me and stop me....its like suddenly realizing that I'm not fully incontrol of my mind...I, as in, me, am not the leading voice in my head...these voices, these thoughts are not coming from me...something is getting in my way, something is hiding in the shadows, pretending to be nothing but a thought in my head...and its bollox...and now its awkward...because he knows I can see him...and now its my turn to smile, not his...)

Tyburn, sometimes I have a tough time trying to fugure out the difference between when the Lord is saying something, when my flesh is saying something or when something evil is saying something to me. It can be a challenge at times to know the difference between them. It's good that you speak your mind, that in itself sias that you have courage against evil

[Tyburn]

Originally Posted by cheachea

Tyburn, sometimes I have a tough time trying to fugure out the difference between when the Lord is saying something, when my flesh is saying something or when something evil is saying something to me. It can be a challenge at times to know the difference between them. It's good that you speak your mind, that in itself sias that you have courage against evil

I understand the confusion, because they all sound very much the same. They all seem generated by me, and they all seem innocent.

Now I think I'm the least of the contributors inside my head

I think the enemy(devil) wants us to be afraid so we don't do anything when those thoughts come to us, because he knows fear will keep us bound, But we know that the Lord Jesus Christ doesn't want us to fear evil. Greater is He who is in us than he who is in the world. God is greater than our hearts, so when ever our hearts condem us all we have to do is remember that God is greater than our hearts and that He loves us.

[Tyburn]

Originally Posted by cheachea

I think the enemy(devil) wants us to be afraid so we don't do anything when those thoughts come to us, because he knows fear will keep us bound, But we know that the Lord Jesus Christ doesn't want us to fear evil. Greater is He who is in us than he who is in the world. God is greater than our hearts, so when ever our hearts condem us all we have to do is remember that God is greater than our hearts and that He loves us.

I have a spirit of fear, it has to be said. I am nervous, anxious...skeeeerd

I dont fear the sorts of things usual people do. I dont fear losing my job, I dont fear dying, I dont fear being attacked, I dont fear war....Quite the opposite.

What I actually fear is living. I fear exceeding my potential. I know my mind is capable of great things, and that frightens me, I might get in over my head. I also fear GOD, and I dont mean in the healthy GODfearing way. I mean I am also frightened of Him because I am well aware of how small and sinful I am, compared to how Great and Holy he is. I worry about letting Him in to much sometimes. I worry that if I let myself go, I'll never get myself back. I worry about the change that he might be able to do...change that could completely distroy who and what I think I am.

Rich Franklin told me that if it all goes the shape of the pear, it doesnt matter, because he is left with nothing less then what GOD gave him to start with. Anything else is excess....But Rich Franklin doesnt realize that by taking that attitude he cant lose that much. Its a safeguard that I dont have. I cant see myself well from GODs perspective, the world still sadly matters to me.

If I failed, it would ruin me. Do you understand? If I screw up, I can never forgive myself. This is precisely why I got my Budgie. A constant reminder to try and shift my view from what counts to me, what I think is worldly important...over to how GOD sees it. That I am both nothing on my own, yet everything with Him.

I dont know. I went to Bilton Woods today. There is this place I visit when I dont know what to do. When something needs to give. When life becomes Existentially impossible. Its a long and ardious walk. Forty Five mins as the crow flies to the start of the track that ;eads to the revene. Then about two hours walking through the forrest. Its a place I call "Sanctum" a patch of ground, which to me, is Holy. A place that I can pray and meditate. Its surrounded by high cliffs, and a thick covering of trees, and a bench that overlooks a silent bend in the river.

Seven and a Half hours the round trip took me today