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  #61  
Old 03-10-2009, 11:17 PM
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MattHughesRocks MattHughesRocks is offline
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HEY! Don't say that! I love him!


Quote:
Originally Posted by bradwright
too you maybe,(ugh)
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  #62  
Old 03-11-2009, 02:20 AM
Primadawn
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A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
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  #63  
Old 03-11-2009, 02:29 AM
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MattHughesRocks MattHughesRocks is offline
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I'd hit it.


Quote:
Originally Posted by bradwright
i get it now,this is the joke thread,
right? some times it takes me a while to catch on,
Michelle, your just joking,Right?






(UGH)
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  #64  
Old 03-11-2009, 02:32 AM
Primadawn
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MattHughesRocks

I'd hit it.
Smack it up, flip it...rub it down...
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  #65  
Old 03-11-2009, 07:15 AM
Bonnie Bonnie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Primadawn
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
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  #66  
Old 03-11-2009, 07:20 AM
Bonnie Bonnie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MattHughesRocks

I'd hit it.
You posted the perfect picture of him, Michelle. It captured that "little boy" self-deprecating look that just "does it"!

I don't think the men "get it", but the women sure do!
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  #67  
Old 03-13-2009, 06:42 PM
Primadawn
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The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, 'I've got some bad
news.
You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order.'

The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into
the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting.

'Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we
celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't
well. I have cancer. So, let's head to the club and have a martini.'

After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber.
There were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually
approached by some of the woman's old friends, who were curious as to
what the two were celebrating.

The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end,
'I've been diagnosed with AIDS.'

The friends were aghast, gave the woman their condolences and beat a
hasty retreat.

After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and
whispered, 'Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and
you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS! Why did you do
that?'

'Because I don't want any of those bitches sleeping with your father
after I'm gone.'

And THAT, my friends, is what is called, 'Putting Your Affairs In
Order.'
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  #68  
Old 03-13-2009, 06:58 PM
County Mike
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THAT was a good one!
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  #69  
Old 03-14-2009, 04:30 AM
Chuck
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Primadawn
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
I think I'd make an excellent stamp collector...
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  #70  
Old 03-14-2009, 04:38 AM
mikthehick
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Dawn you had some great jokes there

And what an adorable picture of Forrest!
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