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  #651  
Old 03-14-2013, 08:41 PM
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Neezar Neezar is offline
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It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.


One human hair can support 6.6 pounds.


The average man's penis is two times the length of his thumb.


Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.


A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.


There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.


Women blink twice as often as men.


The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.


Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.


If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.


Women: will be finished reading this by now.


Men: are still busy checking their thumbs.
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  #652  
Old 03-14-2013, 09:27 PM
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VCURamFan VCURamFan is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Neezar View Post
It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.


One human hair can support 6.6 pounds.


The average man's penis is two times the length of his thumb.


Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.


A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.


There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.


Women blink twice as often as men.


The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.


Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.


If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.


Women: will be finished reading this by now.


Men: are still busy checking their thumbs.
Hehehehe
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  #653  
Old 03-15-2013, 07:29 PM
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County Mike County Mike is offline
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A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his Friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that Promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack enough Clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box, we're leaving from the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up" "Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas."

The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked. The following Weekend he came home a little tired but
otherwise looking good. The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish? He said, "Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to Do?"

You'll love the answer...
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The wife replied, "I did. They're in your fishing box.....
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  #654  
Old 03-20-2013, 08:55 PM
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Not a Joke...but very funny

an actual letter received by the UK Passport Office.

Dear Sirs,

... I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe how is it that Sky Television has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a bleeding satellite dish from them back in 1988, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was bloody born and on what date.

Do you guys do this by hand?

My birth date you have on my pension book.

It's on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30 years.

It is on my National Health card.

My driving licence.

My car insurance.

On the last eight damn passports I've had.

It's on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the plane over the last 30 years.

All those insufferable census forms.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Mary Anne, my father's name is Robert and I'd be absolutely astounded if that WOULD ever change between now and when I die!!

I apologise, I'm really pissed off this morning.
Between you an' me, I've had enough of this bull••••!

You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my bleeding address!!

What is going on? Do you have a gang of neanderthal arseholes workin' there?

Look at my damn picture.

Do I look like Bin Laden?

I don't want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for •••• sakes. I just want to go and park my arse on some sandy beach somewhere.

And would someone please tell me, why would you give a •••• whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days?

If I ever got the urge to do something wierd to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, you'd be the last ••••ing people I'd want to tell!

Well, I have to go now,'cause I have to go to the other end of the poxy city to get another ••••ing copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of £30.

Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day?

Nooooooooooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense.

You'd rather have us running all over the ••••in' place like chickens with our heads cut off, then WE have to find some arsehole to confirm that it's really me on the damn picture - you know, the one where we're not allowed to smile?! (bureaucratic ••••in' morons)

Hey, do you know why we couldn't smile if we wanted to? Because we're totally pissed off!

Signed

An Irate Citizen

P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to confirm that it's me?

Well, my family has been in this country since 1776 ...

I have served in the military for something over 30 years and have had full security clearances over 25 of those years enabling me to undertake highly secretive missions all over the world.

However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am - you know, someone like my doctor ..

WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN FRIGGIN` PAKISTAN!

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  #655  
Old 03-21-2013, 01:43 AM
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  #656  
Old 03-21-2013, 02:41 PM
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  #657  
Old 03-21-2013, 02:43 PM
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  #658  
Old 03-21-2013, 03:55 PM
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Sneezar you crack me up......not
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  #659  
Old 05-03-2013, 06:02 PM
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Some Funny...but really naughty...slightly racist in places...and unfortunately, totally true...public statements from His Royal Highness, The Queens Consort, Prince Philip

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apzc02xxdNQ
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  #660  
Old 07-31-2013, 03:44 PM
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A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.

'Mom', he asked, 'Are these my brains?'

'Not yet,' she replied.
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