Joke Thread

[VCURamFan]

Originally Posted by MattHughesRocks

I'm confused

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1wbG58vY7k

[MattHughesRocks]

Kids these days!

Originally Posted by VCURamFan

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1wbG58vY7k

[Buc Nasty]

BBC New say its officially the wettest June/July since records began.

I blame Fifty Shades of Grey.

[Buc Nasty]

"When I woke up today I was reminded of that film." I told my wife.
"Friday the 13th?" She asked.

"No." I replied, "Predator, now go and put some make up on."

--------------------------------------------------------
I had a wet dream about you last night - I pissed myself laughing when you fell off a cliff.

[VCURamFan]

Originally Posted by Buc Nasty

"When I woke up today I was reminded of that film." I told my wife.
"Friday the 13th?" She asked.

"No." I replied, "Predator, now go and put some make up on."

--------------------------------------------------------
I had a wet dream about you last night - I pissed myself laughing when you fell off a cliff.

[Buc Nasty]

'Give it to me, give it to me!'
'I'm getting all wet!' my wife screamed.

I don't care what she says, I'm not giving her my umbrella.

[Bonnie]

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other, except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day, the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.

She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.

He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.

"Honey," he said, "that explains the dolls, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"

"Oh," she said. "That's the money I made from selling the dolls."

[Buc Nasty]

After seeing how poor the Chinese are in the running events at London 2012, I'm gonna try my luck and not pay for my take-away tonight.

[adamt]

i noticed there were no mexican athletes in any track and field or swimming events....


then i realized that any mexican that can run, junp or swim is in america

[flo]

Originally Posted by Bonnie

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other, except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day, the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.

She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.

He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.

"Honey," he said, "that explains the dolls, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"

"Oh," she said. "That's the money I made from selling the dolls."