Joke Thread

[County Mike]

Barefoot! Hahahahaha.

Girls are dumb.

[Buc Nasty]

Arguing with a Christian is like playing chess with a pigeon.

You could be the greatest player in the world, but the pigeon will still knock over all the pieces, •••• on the board and strut around triumphantly.

**Awaits ban**

[VCURamFan]

Originally Posted by Buc Nasty

Arguing with a Christian is like playing chess with a pigeon.

You could be the greatest player in the world, but the pigeon will still knock over all the pieces, •••• on the board and strut around triumphantly.

**Awaits ban**

I love jokes like this that can easily be twisted to $h!t on whoever you're arguing with!

[PRShrek]

Originally Posted by Buc Nasty

Arguing with a Christian is like playing chess with a pigeon.

You could be the greatest player in the world, but the pigeon will still knock over all the pieces, •••• on the board and strut around triumphantly.

**Awaits ban**

It actually says this in the Bible:

1 Corinthians 1:19
For it is written: “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise; the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate.”

In other words, ‘You could be the greatest player in the world’ and it won’t mean nothin’ to The Player.

[VCURamFan]

A blind man was eating dinner with his wife when the family dog wandered over & started peeing on the man’s leg. Once he realized what was going on, the man grabbed a hunk of the wife’s pot roast off his plate & started offering it to the dog. His wife was livid. “I spent hours slaving over that pot roast for you & you use it to reward the dog that JUST PEED ON YOU????” The man calmly replied, “Honey, I’ve got to find his mouth so I can whup his @$$.”

Did you know that doctors have discovered that diarrhea is hereditary? Turns out it runs in your jeans…

God originally created Woman with 3 breasts, but the middle one kept getting in the way, so God put her back to sleep & removed it. When she woke up, Woman held up the leftovers & asked “What are we gonna do with the useless boob?” And then God created Man.

How can you tell if your wife has passed away? The sex is about the same, but the dished are stacking up…

Jed went to the town dance & was lucky enough to win the door prize. Unfortunately, the town wasn’t the most affluent, so his “big get” was just a toilet brush. Later that week, at poker night, his buddies were giving him a hard time about his great luck. “How’s that amazing toilet brush treating you?” Jed just rolled his eyes & said “It works pretty well, fellas, thank. But I gotta be honest, I still like toilet paper better.”

A large shipment of Viagra was hijacked last night. Though they don’t have many leads, law enforcement officers are keeping an eye out for hardened criminals…

Earl was bragging to his buddies one night about his prize stud bull, Durham. “Yezzir, boys, Durham got it done 200 times last year!” Edith, Earl’s wife, happened to be wandering by & heard him. She snickered & shot back, “Gee, Earl, 200 times in a year? Bet you didn’t know that was possible! Maybe you should pay a little better attention, Durham might be able to teach you something!” As his buddies started laughing, Earl nodded & said, “Yeah, it mighta been 200 times, Edith, but it wasn’t all with the same cow!”

What do you get when you combine Holy Water with Caster Oil? A religious movement…

Like most early cultures, the aborigines originally saw no need for clothing. They were born naked, lived naked & would die naked. It seemed the most natural thing in the world. One day, though, a hunter met an elephant during his Walk About. The elephant glanced down at him with a quizzical look on his face & asked “Well, yeah, it’s cute, but can you really breathe through it?” The aborigines have worn loincloths ever since.

[MattHughesRocks]

Not really a joke but more of a funny....my mom is turning 78 and I'm making the cake.
Me: Mom, there's no way I can get 78 candles on a cake. I'll just get the numbered ones. How old do you want to be then?
Mom: 50!
Happy 50th Birthday Mom!

[Bonnie]

Originally Posted by MattHughesRocks

Not really a joke but more of a funny....my mom is turning 78 and I'm making the cake.
Me: Mom, there's no way I can get 78 candles on a cake. I'll just get the numbered ones. How old do you want to be then?
Mom: 50!
Happy 50th Birthday Mom!

[Bonnie]

Originally Posted by Neezar

After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, 'Well, then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of alligator shoes for free!'

The shopkeeper replied with a sly smile, 'Well, little lady, why don't you go give it a try?'

The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, and spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand.

He saw a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the blond took aim, shot the
creature and hauled it up onto the slippery bank.

Nearby were 7 more dead gators all lying belly up. The shopkeeper watched in amazement as the blond struggled with the gator.

Then, rolling her eyes, she screamed in frustration . . .
"Son of a bitch!! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!"

[Neezar]

One day my housework-challenged husband decidedto wash his Sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room,he shouted to me, 'What
setting do I use on the washing machine?'
'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, ' OHIO STATE !'
And they say blondes are dumb....

[Neezar]

'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of
the shower...

'Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed
the lawn like this?'

'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.