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  #521  
Old 12-29-2011, 12:59 PM
County Mike
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What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?
Iron my shirt!
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  #522  
Old 12-29-2011, 01:57 PM
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Iron my shirt!
Mike, go away, I'm waiting for Michelle!
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  #523  
Old 12-29-2011, 03:08 PM
surveyorshawn
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Originally Posted by VCURamFan View Post
What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing. You quietly hide and wait for the exorcist to arrive...
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  #524  
Old 12-29-2011, 03:15 PM
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HEY!





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What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?
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  #525  
Old 12-29-2011, 03:35 PM
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How do you turn your dishwasher into a snowplow?











Give him a shovel!
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  #526  
Old 12-29-2011, 03:51 PM
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Why shouldn't women drive?








There's no road between the laundry room & the kitchen.
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  #527  
Old 01-18-2012, 02:06 AM
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For Mike:

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  #528  
Old 01-18-2012, 01:42 PM
County Mike
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Winner!
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  #529  
Old 02-08-2012, 09:13 PM
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Clever Jury...




In a criminal justice system based on 12 individuals not smart enough to
get out of jury duty, here is a jury to be proud of:


A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating
guilt, but there was no corpse.


In the defense's closing statement, the lawyer, knowing that his client
would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick.


"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the
lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person
presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom." He looked
toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on
eagerly.


A minute passed. Nothing happened.


Finally the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But
you all looked on with anticipation. I, therefore, put it to you that you
have a reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed, and
I insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."


The jury retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned
and pronounced a verdict of guilty.


"But how?" inquired the lawyer. "You must have had some doubt; I saw all
of you stare at the door."


The jury foreman replied:


"Yes, we did look,



but your client didn't."
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  #530  
Old 02-08-2012, 09:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Neezar View Post
Clever Jury...




In a criminal justice system based on 12 individuals not smart enough to
get out of jury duty, here is a jury to be proud of:


A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating
guilt, but there was no corpse.


In the defense's closing statement, the lawyer, knowing that his client
would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick.


"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the
lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person
presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom." He looked
toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on
eagerly.


A minute passed. Nothing happened.


Finally the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But
you all looked on with anticipation. I, therefore, put it to you that you
have a reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed, and
I insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."


The jury retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned
and pronounced a verdict of guilty.


"But how?" inquired the lawyer. "You must have had some doubt; I saw all
of you stare at the door."


The jury foreman replied:


"Yes, we did look,



but your client didn't."
Oh, sweet justice!
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