Go Back   Matt-Hughes.com Official Forums > General Discussions > The Woodshed

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #491  
Old 08-22-2011, 09:02 PM
Chris F
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Two hillbillies are having lunch when a woman seated nearby begins to choke. Hillbilly asks her,"kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no. Hillbilly asks her "kin ya breathe?" Woman shakes her head no. Hillbilly walks over,lifts up her dress, yanks down britches and licks her butt cheek. The woman has a violent spasm and spits out food. The hillbillies' buddy says "ya know,I heerd of that there hind lick maneuver but I aint niver seed nobody do it".
Reply With Quote
  #492  
Old 08-24-2011, 06:46 AM
Neezar's Avatar
Neezar Neezar is offline
SupaDupaMod
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: South
Posts: 6,490
Send a message via Yahoo to Neezar
Default

Warning! Adult joke:


IRISHMAN IN THE ELEVATOR

Skinny little white Irishman goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him.
The big guy sees the little Irishman staring at him, he looks down and says:
7' feet tall, 350 pounds, 10 inch penis, 3 pounds of testicles, Turner Brown.'

The little white Irishman faints and falls to the floor.

The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him.. The big guy says, 'What's wrong with you?'

In a weak voice the little guy says, 'What EXACTLY did you say to me?'
The big dude says, 'I saw your curious lookand I figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me.................. I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 10 inch penis, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown.'

The little white Irishman says:

'Turner Brown'?!....Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, "Turn around"!
Reply With Quote
  #493  
Old 08-24-2011, 08:00 AM
flo's Avatar
flo flo is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: The Great Pacific Northwest
Posts: 7,757
Default

ROFLMAO!!!
__________________
http://www.matt-hughes.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=339&dateline=13068036  43

Rejoice ever more. 1 Thessalonians 5:16
Reply With Quote
  #494  
Old 08-25-2011, 04:37 PM
Primadawn
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Neezar View Post
Warning! Adult joke:


IRISHMAN IN THE ELEVATOR

Skinny little white Irishman goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him.
The big guy sees the little Irishman staring at him, he looks down and says:
7' feet tall, 350 pounds, 10 inch penis, 3 pounds of testicles, Turner Brown.'

The little white Irishman faints and falls to the floor.

The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him.. The big guy says, 'What's wrong with you?'

In a weak voice the little guy says, 'What EXACTLY did you say to me?'
The big dude says, 'I saw your curious lookand I figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me.................. I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 10 inch penis, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown.'

The little white Irishman says:

'Turner Brown'?!....Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, "Turn around"!
Reply With Quote
  #495  
Old 09-01-2011, 05:08 PM
Llamafighter's Avatar
Llamafighter Llamafighter is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Astoria, New York
Posts: 4,982
Default

March was when our son celebrated his 17th birthday, and we got him an iPhone. He just loved it. Who wouldn't?



I celebrated my birthday in July, and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad.

Our daughter's birthday was in August so we got her an iPod Touch.




My wife celebrated her birthday in September so I got her an iRon.




It was around then that the fight started...

What my wife failed to recognize is that the iRon can be integrated into the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean.

This inevitably activates the iNag reminder service.

I should be out of the hospital next week!!
__________________
"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear."
-Mark Twain

[
Reply With Quote
  #496  
Old 09-19-2011, 04:13 PM
VCURamFan's Avatar
VCURamFan VCURamFan is offline
MMA, VCU, & Doctor Who
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Basketball Capital of the World
Posts: 14,324
Send a message via AIM to VCURamFan
Default

Sign posted in an Army recruiting office: "Marry a veteran, girls! He can cook, make beds, sew, and is already used to taking orders."
__________________

Last edited by VCURamFan; 09-19-2011 at 04:18 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #497  
Old 10-04-2011, 02:32 AM
Neezar's Avatar
Neezar Neezar is offline
SupaDupaMod
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: South
Posts: 6,490
Send a message via Yahoo to Neezar
Default

REPLACEMENT WINDOWS



Last year I replaced all the windows in my house
with those expensive, double-pane, energy-efficient
kind.

Today, I got a call from the contractor who installed
them. He complained that the work had been completed a
year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.

Hellloooo,............just because I'm blonde doesn't
mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him
just what his fast-talking sales guy told me last
year... that these windows would pay for themselves in
a year,,, Helllooooo? It's been a year, so they're
paid for, I told him.. There was only
silence at the other end of the line, so I finally hung
up.

He never called back.
I bet he felt like an idiot.
Reply With Quote
  #498  
Old 10-04-2011, 02:46 AM
flo's Avatar
flo flo is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: The Great Pacific Northwest
Posts: 7,757
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by VCURamFan View Post
Sign posted in an Army recruiting office: "Marry a veteran, girls! He can cook, make beds, sew, and is already used to taking orders."


Quote:
Originally Posted by Neezar View Post
REPLACEMENT WINDOWS



Last year I replaced all the windows in my house
with those expensive, double-pane, energy-efficient
kind.

Today, I got a call from the contractor who installed
them. He complained that the work had been completed a
year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.

Hellloooo,............just because I'm blonde doesn't
mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him
just what his fast-talking sales guy told me last
year... that these windows would pay for themselves in
a year,,, Helllooooo? It's been a year, so they're
paid for, I told him.. There was only
silence at the other end of the line, so I finally hung
up.

He never called back.
I bet he felt like an idiot.
LMAO!!! I was saying the "Hellllooooos" just like that as I was reading!
__________________
http://www.matt-hughes.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=339&dateline=13068036  43

Rejoice ever more. 1 Thessalonians 5:16
Reply With Quote
  #499  
Old 10-04-2011, 04:12 AM
Bonnie Bonnie is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Where the bluebonnets bloom
Posts: 6,674
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Neezar View Post
Warning! Adult joke:


IRISHMAN IN THE ELEVATOR

Skinny little white Irishman goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him.
The big guy sees the little Irishman staring at him, he looks down and says:
7' feet tall, 350 pounds, 10 inch penis, 3 pounds of testicles, Turner Brown.'

The little white Irishman faints and falls to the floor.

The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him.. The big guy says, 'What's wrong with you?'

In a weak voice the little guy says, 'What EXACTLY did you say to me?'
The big dude says, 'I saw your curious lookand I figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me.................. I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 10 inch penis, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown.'

The little white Irishman says:

'Turner Brown'?!....Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, "Turn around"!
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #500  
Old 10-04-2011, 04:14 AM
Bonnie Bonnie is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Where the bluebonnets bloom
Posts: 6,674
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Neezar View Post
REPLACEMENT WINDOWS



Last year I replaced all the windows in my house
with those expensive, double-pane, energy-efficient
kind.

Today, I got a call from the contractor who installed
them. He complained that the work had been completed a
year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.

Hellloooo,............just because I'm blonde doesn't
mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him
just what his fast-talking sales guy told me last
year... that these windows would pay for themselves in
a year,,, Helllooooo? It's been a year, so they're
paid for, I told him.. There was only
silence at the other end of the line, so I finally hung
up.

He never called back.
I bet he felt like an idiot.


I've been wanting some new windows, I wonder...
__________________
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 02:29 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.