Joke Thread

Two hillbillies are having lunch when a woman seated nearby begins to choke. Hillbilly asks her,"kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no. Hillbilly asks her "kin ya breathe?" Woman shakes her head no. Hillbilly walks over,lifts up her dress, yanks down britches and licks her butt cheek. The woman has a violent spasm and spits out food. The hillbillies' buddy says "ya know,I heerd of that there hind lick maneuver but I aint niver seed nobody do it".

[Neezar]

Warning! Adult joke:


IRISHMAN IN THE ELEVATOR

Skinny little white Irishman goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him.
The big guy sees the little Irishman staring at him, he looks down and says:
7' feet tall, 350 pounds, 10 inch penis, 3 pounds of testicles, Turner Brown.'

The little white Irishman faints and falls to the floor.

The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him.. The big guy says, 'What's wrong with you?'

In a weak voice the little guy says, 'What EXACTLY did you say to me?'
The big dude says, 'I saw your curious lookand I figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me.................. I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 10 inch penis, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown.'

The little white Irishman says:

'Turner Brown'?!....Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, "Turn around"!

[flo]

ROFLMAO!!!

Originally Posted by Neezar

Warning! Adult joke:


IRISHMAN IN THE ELEVATOR

Skinny little white Irishman goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him.
The big guy sees the little Irishman staring at him, he looks down and says:
7' feet tall, 350 pounds, 10 inch penis, 3 pounds of testicles, Turner Brown.'

The little white Irishman faints and falls to the floor.

The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him.. The big guy says, 'What's wrong with you?'

In a weak voice the little guy says, 'What EXACTLY did you say to me?'
The big dude says, 'I saw your curious lookand I figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me.................. I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 10 inch penis, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown.'

The little white Irishman says:

'Turner Brown'?!....Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, "Turn around"!

[Llamafighter]

March was when our son celebrated his 17th birthday, and we got him an iPhone. He just loved it. Who wouldn't?



I celebrated my birthday in July, and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad.

Our daughter's birthday was in August so we got her an iPod Touch.




My wife celebrated her birthday in September so I got her an iRon.




It was around then that the fight started...

What my wife failed to recognize is that the iRon can be integrated into the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean.

This inevitably activates the iNag reminder service.

I should be out of the hospital next week!!

[VCURamFan]

Sign posted in an Army recruiting office: "Marry a veteran, girls! He can cook, make beds, sew, and is already used to taking orders."

[Neezar]

REPLACEMENT WINDOWS



Last year I replaced all the windows in my house
with those expensive, double-pane, energy-efficient
kind.

Today, I got a call from the contractor who installed
them. He complained that the work had been completed a
year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.

Hellloooo,............just because I'm blonde doesn't
mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him
just what his fast-talking sales guy told me last
year... that these windows would pay for themselves in
a year,,, Helllooooo? It's been a year, so they're
paid for, I told him.. There was only
silence at the other end of the line, so I finally hung
up.

He never called back.
I bet he felt like an idiot.

[flo]

Originally Posted by VCURamFan

Sign posted in an Army recruiting office: "Marry a veteran, girls! He can cook, make beds, sew, and is already used to taking orders."

Originally Posted by Neezar

REPLACEMENT WINDOWS



Last year I replaced all the windows in my house
with those expensive, double-pane, energy-efficient
kind.

Today, I got a call from the contractor who installed
them. He complained that the work had been completed a
year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.

Hellloooo,............just because I'm blonde doesn't
mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him
just what his fast-talking sales guy told me last
year... that these windows would pay for themselves in
a year,,, Helllooooo? It's been a year, so they're
paid for, I told him.. There was only
silence at the other end of the line, so I finally hung
up.

He never called back.
I bet he felt like an idiot.

LMAO!!! I was saying the "Hellllooooos" just like that as I was reading!

[Bonnie]

Originally Posted by Neezar

Warning! Adult joke:


IRISHMAN IN THE ELEVATOR

Skinny little white Irishman goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him.
The big guy sees the little Irishman staring at him, he looks down and says:
7' feet tall, 350 pounds, 10 inch penis, 3 pounds of testicles, Turner Brown.'

The little white Irishman faints and falls to the floor.

The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him.. The big guy says, 'What's wrong with you?'

In a weak voice the little guy says, 'What EXACTLY did you say to me?'
The big dude says, 'I saw your curious lookand I figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me.................. I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 10 inch penis, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown.'

The little white Irishman says:

'Turner Brown'?!....Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, "Turn around"!

[Bonnie]

Originally Posted by Neezar

REPLACEMENT WINDOWS



Last year I replaced all the windows in my house
with those expensive, double-pane, energy-efficient
kind.

Today, I got a call from the contractor who installed
them. He complained that the work had been completed a
year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.

Hellloooo,............just because I'm blonde doesn't
mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him
just what his fast-talking sales guy told me last
year... that these windows would pay for themselves in
a year,,, Helllooooo? It's been a year, so they're
paid for, I told him.. There was only
silence at the other end of the line, so I finally hung
up.

He never called back.
I bet he felt like an idiot.

I've been wanting some new windows, I wonder...