Joke Thread

[Neezar]

When Love Fades...

Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV




when I heard my wife's voice from the kitchen.

"What would you like for dinner, my love? Chicken, Beef or Lamb?"

I said, "Thank you, I'll have chicken."


She replied "You're having soup, Asshole. I was talking to the dog ! "

[Neezar]

A woman is sitting at home drinking a glass of wine on the porch with her husband, and she says, "I love you."

He asks, "Is that you or the wine talking?"

She replies, "It's me............. talking to the wine."

[Neezar]

Jumping On the Bed

Gotta love women~

A fifty-ish woman was at home happily jumping on her bed and squealing with delight.

Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look?, What's the matter with you?"

The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care, I just came from having a mammogram and the doctor says I have the breasts of an 18 year-old".

The husband said, "What did he say about your 56 year old ass?"


"Your name never came up," she replied.

(Men . . . They just never know when to shut up, do they?)

[Mark]

Originally Posted by Neezar

A woman is sitting at home drinking a glass of wine on the porch with her husband, and she says, "I love you."

He asks, "Is that you or the wine talking?"
[COLOR=#000080][FONT=Catriel]
She replies, "It's me............. talking to the wine."

A man is sitting in the pub with his wife and whispers: “I love you.”

Wife asks: “Is that you or the beer talking?”

Man replies: “It’s me talking to the beer.”

Originally Posted by Mark

A man is sitting in the pub with his wife and whispers: “I love you.”

Wife asks: “Is that you or the beer talking?”

Man replies: “It’s me talking to the beer.”

That's good, but why was his wife there? I thought the pub was a get-away.

Osama thought he was going to get 72 virgins but he ended up getting 24 Virginians! ~unknown SEAL

Originally Posted by BamaGrits84

Osama thought he was going to get 72 virgins but he ended up getting 24 Virginians! ~unknown SEAL

Who would want 72 virgins? 72 sluts would be much more fun.

Originally Posted by County Mike

Who would want 72 virgins? 72 sluts would be much more fun.

Sometimes I am so blown away by the things you say I know there is no response even worthy of your whit.

Originally Posted by County Mike

Who would want 72 virgins? 72 sluts would be much more fun.

Have you seen the Jeff Dunham skit about it, with Walter? basically says the same thing "72 virgins? sounds like a punishment to me. You're telling me that I have to teach 72 women how to have sex?"

Never seen the Dunham skit. Just seems obvious to me.