Go Back   Matt-Hughes.com Official Forums > General Discussions > The Woodshed

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #411  
Old 01-27-2011, 06:03 PM
County Mike
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

This one might get deleted. Read it while you can.


A man celebrates his 70th birthday by getting some Viagra. He's so excited about finding his long lost buddy so he decides to get wild and TF his wife.
He gets into it for a bit and is feeling super until he realizes he was TF'ing his own balls.

Heard it on "Funny People".
Reply With Quote
  #412  
Old 01-27-2011, 06:56 PM
Twinsmama
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by VCURamFan View Post
(in honor of Michelle)

What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes? Nothing, she's already been told twice!!

my dad always says him and my mom got in a fight once and he didn't see her for a week....that's when his eye started to open up a little
Reply With Quote
  #413  
Old 01-27-2011, 07:10 PM
VCURamFan's Avatar
VCURamFan VCURamFan is offline
MMA, VCU, & Doctor Who
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Basketball Capital of the World
Posts: 14,324
Send a message via AIM to VCURamFan
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Twinsmama View Post
my dad always says him and my mom got in a fight once and he didn't see her for a week....that's when his eye started to open up a little
Hahaha, Momma's got a mean right hook!
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #414  
Old 01-31-2011, 08:35 PM
Twinsmama
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

A blonde was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was
pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.
The cop asked to see the blonde driver's license.
She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has your picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and
handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, 'OK,
you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop.'
Reply With Quote
  #415  
Old 01-31-2011, 09:22 PM
County Mike
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

I was going to write a joke about my piece, but changed my mind. It's too long.
Reply With Quote
  #416  
Old 02-01-2011, 03:36 PM
Neezar's Avatar
Neezar Neezar is offline
SupaDupaMod
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: South
Posts: 6,490
Send a message via Yahoo to Neezar
Default

Reply With Quote
  #417  
Old 02-07-2011, 07:39 PM
Twinsmama
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

i got an email that had a couple cute stories.


While in line at the bank one afternoon,
my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of
her after receiving looks of disgust
and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving
"right now" she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
"If you don't let me go right now,
I will tell Grandma that I saw you
kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and
walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.





Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands
It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco,
I smelled something funny,
so of course I checked
my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
Then I realized that Danny
had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go,
and he said "No".
I kept thinking
"Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me.."
Then I said,
"Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
"No," he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny did you have an accident ? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
bent over, spread his cheeks
and yelled
"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better,
thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
Reply With Quote
  #418  
Old 02-07-2011, 07:44 PM
County Mike
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

It's just farts!
Reply With Quote
  #419  
Old 02-07-2011, 08:24 PM
Bonnie Bonnie is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Where the bluebonnets bloom
Posts: 6,673
Default



Kids are so great!
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #420  
Old 02-09-2011, 09:48 PM
Twinsmama
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

The Boss

Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss.

Each day, they noticed the boss left work early. One day, the girls decided that when the boss left, they would leave right behind her.
After all, she never called or came back to work so how would she know they went home early?


The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early.


The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date.


The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside.
Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her boss!
Gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.


The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them.


"No way," the blonde exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 09:59 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.