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  #31  
Old 02-04-2009, 05:34 AM
Mac
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MattHughesRocks
Poor Becky!


Ehh she knew i was like this when she married me.


Any of my cousins or even my brothers , my mom , my aunts ,. pretty much any woman who has come into contact with a Frederick man , will always complain and say " Ehh thats the damned Frederick in you" My cousin says it best , he says something along the lines of " Hey , you all are the dumb ones , we were born into this , we didnt have a choice, your the idiots that CHOSE it " lmao
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  #32  
Old 02-04-2009, 05:36 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mac
Ehh she knew i was like this when she married me.


Any of my cousins or even my brothers , my mom , my aunts ,. pretty much any woman who has come into contact with a Frederick man , will always complain and say " Ehh thats the damned Frederick in you" My cousin says it best , he says something along the lines of " Hey , you all are the dumb ones , we were born into this , we didnt have a choice, your the idiots that CHOSE it " lmao
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  #33  
Old 02-05-2009, 05:57 AM
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An Obituary printed in the London Times........ Interesting and sadly very true.

'Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

Common Sense declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife, Discretion, his daughter, Responsibility and his son, Reason.


He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;


I Know My Rights

I Want It Now

Someone Else Is To Blame

I'm A Victim


Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
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  #34  
Old 02-05-2009, 06:39 AM
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Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.

The driver blonde turned to her friend and said "You know - it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!"

To this, the other blonde replies "I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there and drown her."
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Old 02-05-2009, 06:47 AM
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A team of archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave. Written on the wall of the cave were the following symbols in order of appearance: A dog, a donkey, a shovel, a fish & a Star of David.

They decided that this was a unique find and the writings were at least more than three thousand years old. They chopped out the piece of stone and had it brought to the museum where archaeologists from all over the world came to study the ancient symbols.

They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss what they could agree was the meaning of the markings. The President of their Society stood up and pointed at the first drawing and said, "This looks like a dog. We can judge that this was a highly intelligent race as they knew how to have animals for companionship. To prove this statement you can see that the next symbol resembles a donkey, so, they were even smart enough to have animals help them till the soil. The next drawing looks like a shovel of some sort, which means they even had tools to help them. Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that they had a famine that hit the earth whereby the food didn't grow, they would take to the sea for food. The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews."

The audience applauded enthusiastically and the President smiled and said, "I'm glad to see that you are all in full agreement with our interpretations."

Suddenly, a little old Jewish man stood up in the back of the room and said, "I object to every word. The explanation of what the writings say is quite simple. First of all, everyone knows that Hebrews don't read from left to right, but from right to left. Now, look again: it says, "HOLY MACKEREL, DIG THE ASS ON THAT BITCH!"
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  #36  
Old 02-07-2009, 03:27 PM
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A woman stands in front of her bedroom mirror completely naked and doesn't like what she see's,feeling a little down she say's to her husband,'i'm fat,ugly,and old,i really need you to pay me a compliment right now'

her husband replies 'well your eye sight is damn near perfect'.
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  #37  
Old 02-19-2009, 02:47 PM
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Stop me if you've heard this one.


A college student needs money for books. His friend suggests donating sperm for a quick $50. He goes to the clinic, fills out the forms and takes a seat in the waiting room.

He sees an attractive young lady and sparks up a conversation. Turns out she's also in college and needs money for books. She's donating blood and expects to receive $10. She asks him what he's doing. He's a little embarrased but confesses that he's donating sperm. She asks how much they pay and he tells her $50. She's impressed that he gets so much for sperm.

The guy gets called to make his donation. When he returns to the waiting room, the pretty blonde is gone.

A couple weeks later, he finds himself needing money again and returns to the clinic. He sees the same pretty blonde in the waiting room and asks her "Are you here to donate blood again so soon?".

She just keeps her mouth closed, shakes her head and replies "mmm mmm".
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  #38  
Old 02-19-2009, 04:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by County Mike
Stop me if you've heard this one.


A college student needs money for books. His friend suggests donating sperm for a quick $50. He goes to the clinic, fills out the forms and takes a seat in the waiting room.

He sees an attractive young lady and sparks up a conversation. Turns out she's also in college and needs money for books. She's donating blood and expects to receive $10. She asks him what he's doing. He's a little embarrased but confesses that he's donating sperm. She asks how much they pay and he tells her $50. She's impressed that he gets so much for sperm.

The guy gets called to make his donation. When he returns to the waiting room, the pretty blonde is gone.

A couple weeks later, he finds himself needing money again and returns to the clinic. He sees the same pretty blonde in the waiting room and asks her "Are you here to donate blood again so soon?".

She just keeps her mouth closed, shakes her head and replies "mmm mmm".
Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!

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  #39  
Old 02-23-2009, 04:37 AM
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A young cowboy from Wyoming goes off to college. Half way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money. He calls home.

"Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Laramie that will teach our dog, Ol' Blue how to talk!"

"That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?"

"Just send him down here with $1,000" the young cowboy says. "I'll get him in the course."

So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.

Put your ad here!

About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.

"So how's Ol' Blue doing son?" his father asks.

"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this - they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!"

"Read!?" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?"

"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."

The money promptly arrives.

But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog. When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited.

"Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!"

"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, "So, is your daddy still messing' around with that little redhead who lives in town?"

The father exclaimed, "I hope you shot that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!"

"I sure did, Dad!"

"That's my boy!"

And the kid went on to be a successful lawyer, and then he went on to become the Governor of Illinois.
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  #40  
Old 02-23-2009, 04:43 AM
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