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  #251  
Old 02-19-2010, 05:18 PM
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flo flo is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Neezar View Post
> >
> > HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE
> > AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD. WELL . . . YOU'LL LOVE THIS
> > ONE;
> >
> >
> >
> > MY NAME IS ALICE , AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR
> > MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.
> >
> > I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA ON THE WALL, WHICH BORE HIS FULL
> > NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE
> > SAME
> > NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO.
> >
> > COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY
> > BACK THEN? UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH
> > THOUGHT.
> > THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD
> > TO
> > HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.
> >
> > AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED
> > MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL.
> >
> > 'YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG,' HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.
> >
> > 'WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?' I ASKED.
> >
> > HE ANSWERED, 'IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?'
> >
> > 'YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!', I EXCLAIMED.
> >
> > HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY. THEN, THAT UGLY, OLD, BALD,
> > WRINKLED
> > FACED, FAT, GRAY-HAIRED, DECREPIT, MAN ASKED,
> >
> > 'WHAT DID YOU TEACH???'
> >
> >
I'm definitely passing this one on :-)
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  #252  
Old 02-19-2010, 11:00 PM
surveyorshawn
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Quote:
Originally Posted by flo View Post
I'm definitely passing this one on :-)
Yeah, I had to put that one on facebook myself, lol!
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  #253  
Old 02-21-2010, 04:16 PM
surveyorshawn
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A couple gets a divorce and are in court fighting for the custody of the children. The judge asks each of them to defend their reasoning for their right to sole custody.
The woman begins, "The children are mine! I carried them for 9 months in MY body and spent hours in labor birthing them! He didn't really do anything!" The judge nods thoughtfully, recognizing the validity of her reasoning, and asks for the man's defense.
The man thinks for a minute and replies, "Your honor, if you put a dollar into a drink machine and out pops a coke, who does that coke belong to, you or the machine?"
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  #254  
Old 02-21-2010, 04:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by surveyorshawn View Post
A couple gets a divorce and are in court fighting for the custody of the children. The judge asks each of them to defend their reasoning for their right to sole custody.
The woman begins, "The children are mine! I carried them for 9 months in MY body and spent hours in labor birthing them! He didn't really do anything!" The judge nods thoughtfully, recognizing the validity of her reasoning, and asks for the man's defense.
The man thinks for a minute and replies, "Your honor, if you put a dollar into a drink machine and out pops a coke, who does that coke belong to, you or the machine?"
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  #255  
Old 02-21-2010, 08:01 PM
surveyorshawn
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Redneck Time Out

Last edited by surveyorshawn; 02-21-2010 at 08:49 PM.
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  #256  
Old 02-21-2010, 10:17 PM
surveyorshawn
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Hey guys, I'm considering shaving my back, what do you think?

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  #257  
Old 02-21-2010, 11:12 PM
County Mike
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Quote:
Originally Posted by surveyorshawn View Post
Hey guys, I'm considering shaving my back, what do you think?

You should shave your name into your back. The girls would go crazy for that!
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  #258  
Old 02-21-2010, 11:29 PM
surveyorshawn
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Quote:
Originally Posted by County Mike View Post
You should shave your name into your back. The girls would go crazy for that!
Cool!! "D-A-V-E" That would be awesome!!
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  #259  
Old 02-22-2010, 12:48 AM
Silverback
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[/SIZE]
Quote:
Originally Posted by County Mike View Post
You should shave your name into your back. The girls would go crazy for that!
You got a weed eater
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  #260  
Old 02-22-2010, 12:52 AM
surveyorshawn
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Silverback View Post
[/SIZE]

You got a weed eater
No, but I have a bush hog!
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