Joke Thread

[VCURamFan]

OK, so I basically wasted my whole afternoon waiting for new tenants to show & watching Fail blog videos. Here's the best ones.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1V8Vc...eature=channel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Lj1z...eature=channel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dmJEX...eature=channel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRJBg...eature=channel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8h3sR...eature=channel

And my 2 absolute favorites!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHn1n...eature=channel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M8FhC...eature=channel

[MattHughesRocks]

Two Ladies Talking in Heaven

1st woman: Hi! My name is Sherry.
2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die?

1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere. Finally, I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.

[Tyburn]

Originally Posted by MattHughesRocks

Two Ladies Talking in Heaven

1st woman: Hi! My name is Sherry.
2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die?

1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere. Finally, I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.

[MattHughesRocks]

What happened to the man who died on an overdose of Viagra?

They couldn't close the coffin.

[MattHughesRocks]

You might be a redneck if your jack-o lantern on your porch has more teeth than you do.

Originally Posted by MattHughesRocks

You might be a redneck if your jack-o lantern on your porch has more teeth than you do.

what do you mean might be ?

[MattHughesRocks]

Q: How can you tell that a blonde's been baking chocolate chip cookies?

A: There's M&M shells all over the floor.

[MattHughesRocks]

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, youve already told here twice

[VCURamFan]

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. She hauled herself from the wreckage as the state trooper arrived.
"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that got stomped by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"
"Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began, "I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...."
"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."

Originally Posted by VCURamFan

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. She hauled herself from the wreckage as the state trooper arrived.
"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that got stomped by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"
"Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began, "I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...."
"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."

I'm glad Michelle is ok....