Eff My Life

[VCURamFan]

In the long storied tradition of "FailBlog" and "Texts From Last Night", I present a new way to laugh at the foolishness of others!!

Today, I watched Free Willy with my daughter. Later on she decided to free her 6 pet mice into the house. FML

Today, I was putting red nail polish on my nails and put a newspaper on the table to make sure that it didn't spill. I later discovered the nail polish made the newspaper stick to the table. I scrubbed nail polish remover on it, thinking it would help but instead bleached the table. FML

Today, I woke up to a strange sound that sounded like a lot of water being poured into a sink. It was actually my father in law using the bathtub as a toilet. He's staying with us, and is showing no signs of leaving any time soon. He thinks this is acceptable behavior. FML

[VCURamFan]

Today, while enjoying a nice dinner out, I observed a homeless man giggling hysterically to himself while wiping boogers on my bike seat and handlebars. FML

This kid deserves to get beat:

Today, I told my son that his grades are dropping and his behavior is getting out of hand. To which he replied, "Yeah, so is your weight." FML

Today, my friend and I were bouncing around on a trampoline. We brought my dog up to bounce him around. We found it hilarious. He didn't. He attacked us. FML

[VCURamFan]

Today, I was taking a crap in a public stall when three kids broke down the door and pelted me with eggs. FML

Today, as I was out walking, one homeless man sitting with two others asked me for something to eat. Trying to do good, I bought the three men a bag of apples. They then fought viciously over them before the first man chased me for handing them to "the wrong one." FML

[flo]

Yeah, that's a funny site!

Today, I woke up to a strange sound that sounded like a lot of water being poured into a sink. It was actually my father in law using the bathtub as a toilet. He's staying with us, and is showing no signs of leaving any time soon. He thinks this is acceptable behavior. FML

Thanks for the morning laughs, Ben!

[VCURamFan]

Originally Posted by flo

Yeah, that's a funny site!





Thanks for the morning laughs, Ben!

Glad to help.

[VCURamFan]

Today, I woke up to find a parking ticket on my car. My car was in my driveway and the cop who wrote it is my ex-boyfriend. This is the third time. FML

Today, I was taking a crap in a public stall when three kids broke down the door and pelted me with eggs. FML

Picturing that made me LOL.

[VCURamFan]

Originally Posted by County Mike

Picturing that made me LOL.

Same here:

Today, my grandpa who is staying with us mistook me for a Japanese soldier and started to hit me with a bat. This is the second night in a row. FML

[VCURamFan]

Today, I returned home after a three-week trip to Jamaica. When I opened the door to my room, I was greeted by a swarm of bees and their enormous nest, which was attached to my doorknob. Apparently, I'd forgotten to close the window properly before I left. FML

This one just sucks:

Today, while being robbed, a man heroically chased down the robber and got my purse back. He then looked at the distance between us, turned the other way and ran off with it. FML

[VCURamFan]

Man, we got some winners today!

Today, my girlfriend sent out a mass text to everyone on her contact list. She's getting married in a month. I didn't propose to her. FML

Today, I saw my dad chugging a beer in the garage. Why is that so bad? He was hosting an AA meeting in the basement. FML

This one isn't technically from FML.com, but I think it meets the spirirt of the recquirements.