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  #401  
Old 07-30-2010, 09:44 PM
DonnaMaria
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I was thinking the same thing Denise............

It's really a bad situation Shawn........and I think you did the right thing by sending her the email. that was respectful and you can rest knowing that you did the right thing.

And you are entitled to your visitation......and she really shouldn't have messed around with things and ignored you........but........5 weeks.....that is a really long time for Ben to go without seeing his mom.........

wow. I will pray for you. for Ben. hopefully things will be worked out so that Benaiah won't have to miss his daddy or his mommy for any length of time in the future
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  #402  
Old 07-30-2010, 10:24 PM
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I think you did the right thing too, Shawn, but I agree with the ladies about 5 weeks being a long time without mom, particularly at his age. I pray that you can work things out that will (attempt to) make you, Benaiah and his mom all happy with the arrangements. Hang in there.
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Old 07-30-2010, 10:27 PM
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Shawn, I'm really impressed that you chose to do the right thing & tell her. It's very mature of you & is a great example for Ben. Even if he never knows about this particular instance, I have no doubt that you'll continue to live a godly life & guide him the right way as he grows up.
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  #404  
Old 07-30-2010, 10:40 PM
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I appreciate the assurance and input very much! Mississippi's standard visitation is 5 weeks in the summer. When we went to court in March, however, I asked for the 5 weeks to be divided into a 2-week period in the 1st half of summer and a 3-week period in the 2nd half of summer instead of all at once, and that's the way it got worded. I wanted it that way 1) because he is little & I don't think he needs to be away from either parent over 3 weeks & 2) I only get 5 weeks during the entire 3 month period of June, July, & August, so I wanted it spread out so I wouldn't have any long periods of time (more than 3 weeks) away from him. She didn't see it that way, & didn't want me to have any visitation prior to court. I think the judge gave me all 5 weeks at once now because there are only 5 weeks of summer left. Neither of us were before the judge this time. I'm going to see if she wants to get him for a weekend in the middle sometime, but in the past she hasn't been very cooperative, so who knows. I hope all that will change!
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  #405  
Old 07-31-2010, 11:41 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by surveyorshawn View Post
I appreciate the assurance and input very much! Mississippi's standard visitation is 5 weeks in the summer. When we went to court in March, however, I asked for the 5 weeks to be divided into a 2-week period in the 1st half of summer and a 3-week period in the 2nd half of summer instead of all at once, and that's the way it got worded. I wanted it that way 1) because he is little & I don't think he needs to be away from either parent over 3 weeks & 2) I only get 5 weeks during the entire 3 month period of June, July, & August, so I wanted it spread out so I wouldn't have any long periods of time (more than 3 weeks) away from him. She didn't see it that way, & didn't want me to have any visitation prior to court. I think the judge gave me all 5 weeks at once now because there are only 5 weeks of summer left. Neither of us were before the judge this time. I'm going to see if she wants to get him for a weekend in the middle sometime, but in the past she hasn't been very cooperative, so who knows. I hope all that will change!


You just gained a TON of respect from me. Let's hope it does the same for Mom and she changes her attitude.
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  #406  
Old 07-31-2010, 02:06 PM
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Well, I didn't get to make the offer to Ben's mom yesterday evening when I picked him up. On the way up, I had made plans to talk to her about how 5 weeks was a long time, and how we had previously agreed to a 2 week period & a 3 week period, etc., and offer the weekend somewhere in the middle, etc. When I got there, she was waiting outside the apartment with him as usual. I got out, she handed him to me, and when I tried to hand her her copy of the order and was about to start talking, she just held up her hand in the "talk to the hand" position, did not take the order at all from me, and turned and walked off to the laundry room/office area rapidly without saying anything. I was speechless. I could not have imagined that response in a million years. I would have at least wanted my copy of the order to see what it said. It spells out her rights as well, says that she can call to check on him, and states when regular visitation begins again. I was so frustrated on the way home. I wondered why I even tried or cared how she felt about things, and that I shouldn't have been surprised considering how she has responded to nearly every other thing I have tried to do right in the situation.

Anyway, I knew better than to respond to her last night. Benaiah fell asleep on the way home, so when I got back I occupied myself with some yard work and put a bookshelf together to clam down and get a better perspective, and then played with him when he woke up. I am not really sure what to do now. I emailed my lawyer & asked if I should mail her copy of the order to her certified. I am also considering sending it back to the court and letting them know she refused it and maybe they will send it to her or have a process server take it to her. I am wondering if I should email her and offer her the weekend. I refuse to be ruled by emotions or frustrations, and will do what is right, no matter what, I just need to figure out exactly what that is. I would appreciate any advice you guys can give, since you are all completely out of the situation.
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  #407  
Old 07-31-2010, 02:12 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by surveyorshawn View Post
Well, I didn't get to make the offer to Ben's mom yesterday evening when I picked him up. On the way up, I had made plans to talk to her about how 5 weeks was a long time, and how we had previously agreed to a 2 week period & a 3 week period, etc., and offer the weekend somewhere in the middle, etc. When I got there, she was waiting outside the apartment with him as usual. I got out, she handed him to me, and when I tried to hand her her copy of the order and was about to start talking, she just held up her hand in the "talk to the hand" position, did not take the order at all from me, and turned and walked off to the laundry room/office area rapidly without saying anything. I was speechless. I could not have imagined that response in a million years. I would have at least wanted my copy of the order to see what it said. It spells out her rights as well, says that she can call to check on him, and states when regular visitation begins again. I was so frustrated on the way home. I wondered why I even tried or cared how she felt about things, and that I shouldn't have been surprised considering how she has responded to nearly every other thing I have tried to do right in the situation.

Anyway, I knew better than to respond to her last night. Benaiah fell asleep on the way home, so when I got back I occupied myself with some yard work and put a bookshelf together to clam down and get a better perspective, and then played with him when he woke up. I am not really sure what to do now. I emailed my lawyer & asked if I should mail her copy of the order to her certified. I am also considering sending it back to the court and letting them know she refused it and maybe they will send it to her or have a process server take it to her. I am wondering if I should email her and offer her the weekend. I refuse to be ruled by emotions or frustrations, and will do what is right, no matter what, I just need to figure out exactly what that is. I would appreciate any advice you guys can give, since you are all completely out of the situation.
That's really rough, Shawn, I'm sorry. I agree with you that she does need to have her copy of the court order, but I think it's pretty clear that she doesn't want to communicate with you. If it were me, I think I'd eithre have my lawyer send it to her or else the courts (probably the better option since they're neutral). I know this is a rough trial, but just focus on littleBen & how much you love him. Let the rest just fade away & enjoy your time with him.
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Old 07-31-2010, 02:26 PM
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  #409  
Old 07-31-2010, 05:09 PM
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  #410  
Old 07-31-2010, 06:40 PM
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Shawn, I commend you for wanting to act in a christian way towards Ben's mom in all of this despite the roadblocks she's put in your path to seeing Ben (and I commend all the forum peeps for encouraging you in that). Five weeks is a long time for a parent to be away from their child, however, she was the one who told you you'd have to go to court to get your set visitation with Benaiah enforced. It's your decision to offer her the weekend in between, I just hope she doesn't make things difficult when you go to get him for the remainder of your time (if she accepts your offer). I pray she will get past whatever feelings are driving her and realize that she loves Ben more (enough to share him with you) than any satisfaction she will get out of continuing to make things difficult for you.

I will pray for all of you, Shawn. I pray God softens mom's heart and that He will guide you both to always do what's in Ben's best interests.
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