12-05-2009, 01:03 PM
Black Tooth Grin
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Apache Juntion, AZ
Terrorists using Favre as a mental attack on Troops
Brett Favre A Commie Liberal Terrorist Abetter?
In the news:
According to a military official, detainees at a Wisconsin National Guard camp in Iraq are using Brett Favre as a manner of getting at the guard troops there.
“They know Favre by name,” said First Lieutenant Tim Boehnen, who is from New Richmond, Wis.
The terrorists know Brett Favre? By name? How? That’s mighty suspicious! Can Brett Favre prove he isn’t working with our enemies? Can Brett Favre provide documentation proving he isn’t a terrorist? Show me the CIA or DIA report showing that he isn’t assisting the terrorists in some way!
“One of the big words they know now is shenanigan. They’ll constantly talk about ‘Favre shenanigans,’ ‘He’s so good for the Vikings,’ and ‘The Packers have got to really feel bad about that one.’ ”
“Shenanigan?” Where did the detainees learn the word “shenanigan?” I would think the Wisconsin guards would use words like “traitor” and “asshole” and “that ****ing guy,” but “shenanigan?”
According to Boehnen, it started when troops there started decorating their camp in Packers colors.
“We try to allow our troops to have as much fun in the compound as they can while still maintaining our professional manner,” explained Boehnen.
We must outlaw all troop display of any group, outfit, club, team, guild, association, corporation, community or sovereign state as that information provides too much ammunition for the terrorists in their psychological warfare against our troops!
Once the decoration job happened, detainees became curious.
“They obviously then started up the conversations, and started talking about Brett Favre. They soon learned about Favre going to the Vikings, and things just started going downhill from there.”
Boehnen said soccer is the main sport that detainees pay attention to there, so there’s not exactly a Vikings fan club chapter in Iraq.
I’ll bet there’s a Vikings fan club chapter in Iraq now, and Al Qaeda probably has Vikings pennants and foam hands decorating their caves. Actually, it’s too bad the terrorists aren’t Green Bay Packer fans – how easy would it be to spot a terrorist if they were wearing one of these:
“They’ll hear guards talking about it, and then they pick up a lot of stuff from that, too,” said Boehnen. “They’re very crafty. They learn different stuff from different ways.”
“Crafty?” And again, what’s with “shenanigans?” Are we giving detainees a crash course in advanced English? Soon they’ll be using words like “epistemological” and “penury” and “onomatopoeia” (which I’ll bet they can spell without having to look up in a dictionary, unlike me). Is there some kind of No Terrorist Left Behind Act that snuck through congress? And if so, why didn’t Joe Lieberman filibuster it?
But the real question here is: Why does Brett Favre hate America? Providing aid to, and abetting (another word the detainees probably now know), the enemy? Flip-flopping from team to team and about his decision to play another year? What is he – a Commie? Or worse – a Liberal?
In fact, why do the Vikings love and promote terrorism so much? Why does the entire state of Minnesota allow such callous disregard for our nation’s well being?
And why does the NFL support such anti-American sentiment?
It’s high time the government stepped in and took care of the situation – we need the $350 billion Favre Assessment Tariff and Compensation Allocation Trust, and we need it now. The Favre Assessment Tariff and Compensation Allocation Trust will pay all ‘Category A’ players – hereby defined as “players that people complain about to terrorists” – to not play in their respective sports. Furthermore, this bill will compensate – at fair market levels – sports franchises, owners, leagues and broadcast networks for income lost from the discontinuation of ‘Category A’ players in their respective sports, and, will do so for the rest of the ‘Category A’ player’s natural life.
We, as good American citizens, need to do this so our troops can fight the terrorist menace without having to worry about any potential psychological warfare caused by the taunting of a beloved sports figure. And we need to do it now – the longer we wait the harder it gets for our troops.
F.A.T.C.A.T., it’s the patriotic thing to do.
I think this article is hilarious and since the Cards and the Vikings are going at it tomorrow night it just seemed fitting.