15 Abortions in 16 years

[Play The Man]

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/Reprodu...ory?id=8594347

Irene Vilar worries that her self-described "abortion addiction" will be misunderstood, twisted by the pro-life movement to deny women the right to choose.

Her book, "Impossible Motherhood," which will be released by Other Press on Oct. 6, chronicles her own dark choices: 15 abortions in 16 years, much of it as a married woman.

As press on the book has begun to leak out, Vilar -- a literary agent and editor --- says she has already sensed "an inkling of hatred."

Vilar has scheduled only closed-door interviews and will not do a book tour. At the urging of her husband, they have made sure all public property records do not reflect her name, so she cannot be targeted at their home.

"I am worried about my safety and the hate mail," she told ABCNews.com in a telephone interview as her home-schooled children were at work on a painting project.

"No book like this has ever been written," she told ABCNews.com. "I just imagine the 'baby killer' and I could be a poster child for that kind of fundamentalism. And there are my little kids in all of that."

Today, at 40, the Latina author has two young children, but her troubled past continues to haunt her well into motherhood.

About half of all pregnancies in the U.S. are unintended, and 40 percent of these are terminated by abortion -- 854,122 in 2002, the latest year for which data is available, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

An estimated 50 percent of women who seek one abortion, will have a repeat one, according to the Guttmacher Institute, which promotes sexual and reproductive health. About 10 percent of those women will have three or more.

Vilar's pregnancies became compulsively self-destructive: After her 9th and 10th abortions, she "needed another self-injury to get the high."

"In the beginning I was taking pills and I'd skip a day or two or give up one month," she said. "I'd think I'll be better next time. But slowly, my days took on a balancing act and there was a specific high. I would get my period and be sad, then discover I was pregnant, being afraid, yet also so excited."

Vilar said many women who have repeat abortions show a certain "recklessness."

Such was the case with Mary, a Florida college student who did not want to use her real name, who had her first abortion in 2006 when she was 21.

"It didn't seem like the right choice to have a baby then," she told ABCNews.com. But she got pregnant again with the same boyfriend a month later and without telling him, aborted.

"I felt it wasn't something I wanted to go through again, that I wanted to be more careful," said Mary. "It's a physically painful thing to do -- not something I'd ever want to use as a form of birth control. Who wants to go through that pain to end the lives of potential children?"

But at 24 with a new boyfriend, she got pregnant again and fantasized about motherhood, but he didn't want the baby.

"I felt like we were committing murder, that I was killing something that I wanted," said Mary. "I felt like I should feel the pain. I wanted to physically suffer."

After three abortions, she was left with lingering health problems and her doctor suggested she might not have a child again.

"When I was 21, it seemed easier," she said. "It was. It has a lot to do with my mental state about the situation. It feels like there is no healing for this."

[MattHughesRocks]

Ok I think this pretty much tops anything ever posted...we may as well close up shop.

[NateR]

I'm kind of surprised that a network like ABC would show anything that portrays abortion in a negative light. I've been reading about the mental and physical toll that abortion takes on the women who have them for years now, so it's good to finally see that information being made public.

[Play The Man]

Originally Posted by MattHughesRocks

Ok I think this pretty much tops anything ever posted...we may as well close up shop.

No, I think this story from 2004 tops it:

http://www.nytimes.com/2004/07/18/ma...rint&position=

I grew up in a working-class family in Pennsylvania not knowing my father. I have never missed not having him. I firmly believe that, but for much of my life I felt that what I probably would have gained was economic security and with that societal security. Growing up with a single mother, I was always buying into the myth that I was going to be seduced in the back of a pickup truck and become pregnant when I was 16. I had friends when I was in school who were helping to rear nieces and nephews, because their siblings, who were not much older, were having babies. I had friends from all over the class spectrum: I saw the nieces and nephews on the one hand and country-club memberships and station wagons on the other. I felt I was in the middle. I had this fear: What would it take for me to just slip?

Now I'm 34. My boyfriend, Peter, and I have been together three years. I'm old enough to presume that I wasn't going to have an easy time becoming pregnant. I was tired of being on the pill, because it made me moody. Before I went off it, Peter and I talked about what would happen if I became pregnant, and we both agreed that we would have the child.

I found out I was having triplets when I went to my obstetrician. The doctor had just finished telling me I was going to have a low-risk pregnancy. She turned on the sonogram machine. There was a long pause, then she said, ''Are you sure you didn't take fertility drugs?'' I said, ''I'm positive.'' Peter and I were very shocked when she said there were three. ''You know, this changes everything,'' she said. ''You'll have to see a specialist.''

My immediate response was, I cannot have triplets. I was not married; I lived in a five-story walk-up in the East Village; I worked freelance; and I would have to go on bed rest in March. I lecture at colleges, and my biggest months are March and April. I would have to give up my main income for the rest of the year. There was a part of me that was sure I could work around that. But it was a matter of, Do I want to?

I looked at Peter and asked the doctor: ''Is it possible to get rid of one of them? Or two of them?'' The obstetrician wasn't an expert in selective reduction, but she knew that with a shot of potassium chloride you could eliminate one or more.

Having felt physically fine up to this point, I got on the subway afterward, and all of a sudden, I felt ill. I didn't want to eat anything. What I was going through seemed like a very unnatural experience. On the subway, Peter asked, ''Shouldn't we consider having triplets?'' And I had this adverse reaction: ''This is why they say it's the woman's choice, because you think I could just carry triplets. That's easy for you to say, but I'd have to give up my life.'' Not only would I have to be on bed rest at 20 weeks, I wouldn't be able to fly after 15. I was already at eight weeks. When I found out about the triplets, I felt like: It's not the back of a pickup at 16, but now I'm going to have to move to Staten Island. I'll never leave my house because I'll have to care for these children. I'll have to start shopping only at Costco and buying big jars of mayonnaise. Even in my moments of thinking about having three, I don't think that deep down I was ever considering it.

The specialist called me back at 10 p.m. I had just finished watching a Boston Pops concert at Symphony Hall. As everybody burst into applause, I watched my cellphone vibrating, grabbed it and ran into the lobby. He told me that he does a detailed sonogram before doing a selective reduction to see if one fetus appears to be struggling. The procedure involves a shot of potassium chloride to the heart of the fetus. There are a lot more complications when a woman carries multiples. And so, from the doctor's perspective, it's a matter of trying to save the woman this trauma. After I talked to the specialist, I told Peter, ''That's what I'm going to do.'' He replied, ''What we're going to do.'' He respected what I was going through, but at a certain point, he felt that this was a decision we were making. I agreed.

When we saw the specialist, we found out that I was carrying identical twins and a stand alone. My doctors thought the stand alone was three days older. There was something psychologically comforting about that, since I wanted to have just one. Before the procedure, I was focused on relaxing. But Peter was staring at the sonogram screen thinking: Oh, my gosh, there are three heartbeats. I can't believe we're about to make two disappear. The doctor came in, and then Peter was asked to leave. I said, ''Can Peter stay?'' The doctor said no. I know Peter was offended by that.

Two days after the procedure, smells no longer set me off and I no longer wanted to eat nothing but sour-apple gum. I went on to have a pretty seamless pregnancy. But I had a recurring feeling that this was going to come back and haunt me. Was I going to have a stillbirth or miscarry late in my pregnancy?

I had a boy, and everything is fine. But thinking about becoming pregnant again is terrifying. Am I going to have quintuplets? I would do the same thing if I had triplets again, but if I had twins, I would probably have twins. Then again, I don't know.

[MattHughesRocks]

That was so sickening. All I read was " me me me me me me me me"

[Play The Man]

Originally Posted by MattHughesRocks

That was so sickening. All I read was " me me me me me me me me"

I think the most shocking quote was:

I'll have to start shopping only at Costco and buying big jars of mayonnaise.

This female aborted two fetuses from a set of triplets in order to avoid buying mayonnaise at Costco! She didn't even try to justify it by claiming that she was trying to minimize the risk of complications to her during the pregnancy. She brazenly admitted her selfishness.

Oh my gosh that is terrible. I wish people like that couldn't even have kids. they sure don't deserve them.

It seems the dumbest people are the most fertile.

[NateR]

Originally Posted by MattHughesRocks

That was so sickening. All I read was " me me me me me me me me"

Exactly, all I could think of when I read that article was "What a self-serving bitch."

I actually worry about the mental health of the child that she "graciously" allowed to live. Imagine growing up knowing that your mother murdered two of your siblings because they were simply an inconvenience to her. I don't think it's possible to feel truly secure and loved in a household such as that one.

Originally Posted by NateR

Exactly, all I could think of when I read that article was "What a self-serving bitch."

I actually worry about the mental health of the child that she "graciously" allowed to live. Imagine growing up knowing that your mother murdered two of your siblings because they were simply an inconvenience to her. I don't think it's possible to feel truly secure and loved in a household such as that one.

that kid better always be on his best behavior. the saying goes "i brought you into this world i can take you out" i always thought moms were bluffing...

I also don't think you could feel loved in a household such as this one. The mother obviously loves her self so much she would kill anything inconviencing her life. I bet see is one fine mother....