09-18-2009, 04:27 PM
MMA, VCU, & Doctor Who
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Basketball Capital of the World
Hilarious TUF 10.1 Re-Cap
From sherdog. Funniest bits in bold.
What happens when you put four former NFLers, an IFL champ, a streetfighting legend and Wes Sims into one house? Reality gold, that’s what! Or so we hope as we head into season 10 of “The Ultimate Fighter.”
Kevin “Kimbo Slice” Ferguson is certainly the curiosity going into this season, but there will be plenty of compelling reasons to watch with all the new faces and notable hams, such as Wes Sims and Roy Nelson’s thighs.
Seriously, with coaches like Quinton “Rampage” Jackson and Rashad Evans, what’s not to like? Not one fighter has arrived yet and already the battles begin as Jackson and Evans (great wine cooler company name) are already chirping at each other in the training center.
Jackson breaks the ice by claiming an early victory for his yet-to-be assembled team.
“Let me tell you why that ain’t going to happen,” says Evans. “You’re too slow. You’re too slow. Your head’s too big and too easy to hit.”
Jackson has a ready answer.
“You got a big a-- mouth and it’s going to cost you,” he retorts.
It’s hard to tell if these two hate each other or if they love to hate each other, but either way, it’s fun to watch. One by one, heavyweights start to file in.
Each coach sizes up their potential pupils.
“Damn, these guys are big as hell,” says Jackson. “They kept walking in and each one was bigger than the next.”
Handshakes and man-hugs are exchanged and once again Evans and Jackson begin bickering. UFC President Dana White steps in before the production crew has fully set up for the season’s intros.
“Relax you two -- don’t get in a fight,” he says.
White’s not so much annoyed that Jackson and Evans are riling each other up, but that they are doing it before all the cameras are set up. He explains that they’ve been going at it since the moment they entered the building.
It shouldn’t come as a shock to anyone that Kimbo will be a ratings boon, but don’t worry; he won’t be getting preferential treatment. Or, maybe I’m wrong, as Dana lines everyone up and announces to them that there is one more guy, then brings in Slice like he’s something ironically special.
“I’ve talked more sh-- about this guy than anyone and coming from me, that is saying a lot,” says White.
The reaction from the other contestants is a resounding “Meh.” If anyone is scared of Slice, they aren’t showing it. In fact, Brendan Schaub doesn’t mince words: “F--- him,” he says. “F--- that guy.”
Whether it is a lack of quality heavyweights or Kimbo protection, the “fight to get into the house” model has been scrapped this season and the boys immediately begin an evaluation process with the coaches.
Jackson’s already got dibs on Kimbo, soliciting the services of the street king straight away.
“You ain’t got to do a damn thing if you don’t want to. You want to be on my team?” asks Rampage.
“Damn right,” Kimbo replies. “I’m ready to thump.”
No offense to Team Rampage, but Evans has an advantage bringing in coaching guru Greg Jackson to help him with the evaluations.
Rampage’s evaluation process is a tad looser.
“Roy Nelson got a big a-- belly,; we checked him out and he was fat,” deadpans Jackson.
After the evaluations, a coin is tossed to start the order. Evans selects Brit James McSweeney, who also trains with him at Jackson’s Academy in New Mexico and roommates with him there. Rampage picks Kimbo first.
“Did I spell your name right?” Jackson jests meekly.
Teams are chosen until one man is left and Rampage clowns him by pointing to one of the cameraman to try to pick him, launching the room into a fit of laughter.
With all the former NFL players on board, it’s only fitting that Zak Jensen, a.k.a. Mr. Irrelevant, is the last one picked. Jensen is a good sport though.
“The only thing that could make it more awkward is if, like, my pants fell down,” he says.
Rampage assesses his completed squad.
“I think my team is stronger than Evans’ team because they’re bigger and size does matter,” he says coyly.
The guys barely have time to pick out their rooms before it’s time for the first fight. Rampage has control of the matchup since Evans got first pick of the teams.
Jackson decides to go with Abe Wagner versus Jon Madsen.
During his pre-fight interview, Wagner describes Jon Madsen as a good wrestler, but notes that once Madsen gets his opponents to the ground, he isn’t “anything to write home about.”
Wagner might think of investing in some flowery stationary and brushing up on his ground-and-pound terminology because Madsen gives him several letters’ worth of material.
Madsen fakes a left hand to move in close for a takedown and sets the tone early. Wagner finds himself on his back against the fence, fending off all sorts of heavy shots. Madsen wields his elbows like a samurai and opens several cuts above and around Wagner’s hairline. By the end of round one, there is more splattered blood in the cage than in the first season of “Dexter.”
Wagner is slow to learn his lesson, as he starts round two by walking into the same takedown and receiving the same sort of beating on the ground. A few times the pair are stood up for inactivity. Once again, Madsen shoots right in for a takedown and Wagner makes no effort to stop him. Coach Jackson walks away in disgust when Wagner is easily taken down for the last time.
Jon Madsen scores the first win of season 10 with a runaway decision, although no one would need a score card after one look at the Wagner’s squirm-inducing wounds. Ever heard the phrase “tomahawk chop?” Imagine the result of such a chop about two inches north of the eyebrow.
Finally, we are left with the doctor wondering if Wagner could have a fracture since his cut has opened a nice view of the skull underneath.
Welcome to season 10.