pool Ettiquette

[Tyburn]

I dont know how it is in America, but in England the Swimming pools are vastly too small and overcroweded

I usually come out of the health suite like a burning ember, having become extremely hot whilst in the gym, I like to run down to the pool and when I get in its like what happens when you drop a burning saucepan into cold water. It virtually smokes and fizzes

But once ive cooled down I like to actually swim properly like my twenty lengths. But I have all these hurdles to cross.

First, I need to find a fee space by the waters edge from which to launch amoung the gazillion bathers who are using the pool as it were some sort of roman bath. They just sit there and splash their hands or look seriously at the water, but have no intention of swimming. They waste space!

Anyway, finding a place I then begin to swim from the shallow end to the deep end. The second Hurdle is the foolish parents who bring there little children into the pool, not to swim, but to splash about, its like you have to follow some stupid winding country lane, you cant just go in a streight path across the pool. Thankfully because of the "no armbands beyond this point" sign, this is a relatively thin hurdle to cross.

out in deeper water you begin to get the middle aged woman, who swim side by side and yammer away to each other. Your either slowed so badly you have to stop and just tread water behind what feels like a tractor, or you keep swimming between two people who are having a conversation between themselves without a care in the world about those who want to simply cross the pool

Midway across, you reach the tidal waves produced by the egotistical male swimmer who thinks he's an olympian, but also thinks the best strokes are butterfly or crawl and, not a seemingly smooth movement, but he's a splashing and his wake extends tenfold, so if you are lucky enough not to collide with him (he cant see you because his face is down in the water, and he wouldnt stop anyway) you are drowned by the waves he produces.

Finally you begin to enter the deep water, and now you have to be weary of those who jump first and look second. Your busy concentrating on the line of ugly women, excitable young girls, and muscle marys that all think they know how to turn a belly flop of atom bomb proportions into a sleek pencil dive. thats when you collide violently with the plonker who thinks the pool is empty enough to try backstroke!!!!!




My defense is that with my natural boyancy, I dont roll over in the white squalls I encounter, and with my huge lung capacity I shoot out water like a whale if I feel encrouched on, during the breathing out. with a big fissssssssssssssssche sound and a splatter of tiny particals, I demonstrate visually to them all why if they ever catch swine flu they really must cover their nose, because I have had such practise its now a fine spray that drifts across the pool

I have been going long enough to finally befriend a few...like "Torpedo" one of the proper swimmers who comes regularly, he will dive nicely and swim almost the length of the pool underwater, under peoples feet and bodies, coming up only once in the centre of air.

I wish I was like him, and could avoid all the human debris on the surface

[Play The Man]

Don't worry about pool etiquette, pretty soon you will not be able to use the pool at all . . . unless you wear a "burkini".

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/news...-burkinis.html

Swimmers are told to wear burkinis
British swimming pools are imposing Muslim dress codes in a move described as divisive by Labour MPs.

Under the rules, swimmers – including non-Muslims – are barred from entering the pool in normal swimming attire.

Instead they are told that they must comply with the "modest" code of dress required by Islamic custom, with women covered from the neck to the ankles and men, who swim separately, covered from the navel to the knees.


The phenomenon runs counter to developments in France, where last week a woman was evicted from a public pool for wearing a burkini – the headscarf, tunic and trouser outfit which allows Muslim women to preserve their modesty in the water.

The 35-year-old, named only as Carole, is threatening legal action after she was told by pool officials in Emerainville, east of Paris, that she could not wear the outfit on hygiene grounds.

But across the UK municipal pools are holding swimming sessions specifically aimed at Muslims, in some case imposing strict dress codes.

Croydon council in south London runs separate one-and-a half-hour swimming sessions for Muslim men and women every Saturday and Sunday at Thornton Heath Leisure Centre.

Swimmers were told last week on the centre's website that "during special Muslim sessions male costumes must cover the body from the navel to the knee and females must be covered from the neck to the ankles and wrists".

There are similar rules at Scunthorpe Leisure Centre, in North Lincolnshire, where "users must follow the required dress code for this session (T-shirts and shorts/leggings that cover below the knee)".

In Glasgow, a men-only swimming session is organised by a local mosque group at North Woodside Leisure Centre, at which swimmers must be covered from navel to knee.

At a women-only class organised by a Muslim teacher at Blackbird Leys Swimming Pool, Oxford, to encourage Muslim women to learn to swim, most participants wear "modest" outfits although normal costumes are permitted.

The dress codes have provoked an angry reaction among critics who say they encourage division and resentment between Muslims and non-Muslims, putting strain on social cohesion.

Ian Cawsey, the Labour MP for the North Lincolnshire constituency of Brigg and Goole, said: "Of course swimming pools have basic codes of dress but it should not go beyond that.

"I don't think that in a local authority pool I should have to wear a particular type of clothes for the benefit of someone else. That's not integration or cohesion."

Labour MP Anne Cryer, whose Keighley, West Yorkshire constituency has a large number of Muslims, said: "Unfortunately this kind of thing has a negative impact on community relations.

"It's seen as yet another demand for special treatment. I can't see why special clothing is needed for what is a single-sex session."

Muslim swimming sessions are also held at a number of state schools around the country. At Loxford School in Ilford, east London, a local Muslim group organises weekly sessions for Muslim men, with the warning that "it is compulsory for the body to be covered between the navel and the knees.

"Anyone not adhering to the dress code or rules within the pool will not be allowed to swim".

The practice of holding special Muslim swimming sessions has led to non-Muslims being turned away.

David Toube, 39 and his five year old son Harry were last year refused entry to Clissold Leisure Centre, in Hackney, east London, after being told the Sunday morning swimming session was for Muslim men only.

Council officials later said staff had made a mistake and both Mr Toube, a corporate lawyer, and his son should have been admitted.

After discovering the rules at Thornton Heath one Croydon resident, 34-year-old Alex Craig, said: "I think it is preposterous that a council should be encouraging this type of segregation over municipal facilities.

"Surely if Muslims want to swim then they should just turn up with their modest swimwear at the same time as everyone else."

[Tyburn]

well...at least I shall see them coming

I'm not wearing something like that...its far too restrictive,...plus everytime I move, i'd rip a seam or something...then what would be classed already as inappropriate would be classed as positively obscene

[Play The Man]

Perhaps the pool managers could "rope off" some lanes for people swimming laps with some buoy-supported lane ropes. The people swimming for exercise could use lanes and the remainder of the pool could be used as a recreation area for the children who just splash around.

[Tyburn]

Originally Posted by Play The Man

Perhaps the pool managers could "rope off" some lanes for people swimming laps with some buoy-supported lane ropes. The people swimming for exercise could use lanes and the remainder of the pool could be used as a recreation area for the children who just splash around.

they do that already...a fast and a slow lane.

but the slow lane is too fast for me...and the lanes arent big enough to over-take

[Play The Man]

Originally Posted by Tyburn

they do that already...a fast and a slow lane.

but the slow lane is too fast for me...and the lanes arent big enough to over-take

Maybe swim laps adjacent to the rope which separates the lanes from the general area.

[Tyburn]

Originally Posted by Play The Man

Maybe swim laps adjacent to the rope which separates the lanes from the general area.

thats where all the muscle marys swim. It'd be like being fed through a nicer dicer slicer from JML

Originally Posted by Tyburn

thats where all the muscle marys swim. It'd be like being fed through a nicer dicer slicer from JML

Iam not sure about most pools but the one here every day they have 2 hours put a side for parents to enjoy the pool to swim laps or what ever with out being disturbed by others

Originally Posted by Tyburn

I usually come out of the health suite like a burning ember, having become extremely hot whilst in the gym, I like to run down to the pool and when I get in its like what happens when you drop a burning saucepan into cold water. It virtually smokes and fizzes

Please tell me you shower before you get in the pool???

Jumping in a pool all hot and sweaty without showering is a breach of gym etiquette here in the States.

[Play The Man]

Originally Posted by Tyburn

thats where all the muscle marys swim. It'd be like being fed through a nicer dicer slicer from JML

I laughed out loud even though I don't know the definition of "muscle mary", "nicer dicer slicer", or "JML".