Joke Thread

[VCURamFan]

Originally Posted by Chuck

I'm glad Michelle is ok....

Yeah, me too.

[MattHughesRocks]

[MattHughesRocks]

The burial service for the elderly woman climaxed with a massive clap of thunder,followed by even more thunder, a bolt of lightening accompanied by even more thunder."Well" said her husband to the shaken Pastor when it ended,"she's there".

[NateR]

Originally Posted by MattHughesRocks

The burial service for the elderly woman climaxed with a massive clap of thunder,followed by even more thunder, a bolt of lightening accompanied by even more thunder."Well" said her husband to the shaken Pastor when it ended,"she's there".

[Neezar]

Only in Texas my friends...Only in Texas ....

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education then any cop from Texas. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Texas deputy's expense.

The deputy says, 'License and registration, please.'

'What for?' says the lawyer..

The deputy says, 'You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign.'

Then the lawyer says, 'I slowed down, and no one was coming.'

'You still didn't come to a complete stop, Says the deputy. License and registration, please.'


The lawyer says, 'What's the difference?'

'The difference is you have to come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!' the Deputy repeats.

Lawyer says, 'If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket..'

'That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir,' the deputy says.

At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the crap out of the lawyer and says, 'Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?'

[Bonnie]

....and he's still gonna get a ticket.

[MattHughesRocks]

A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day finding the
most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in
the second. In the third everything had just been reduced by 50
percent when her cell phone rang. It was a female doctor notifying her
that her husband had just been in a terrible car accident and was in
critical condition and in the ICU.

The woman asked the doctor to inform her husband where she was and
that she'd be there as soon as possible.

As she hung up she realized she was leaving what was shaping up to be
her best day ever in the boutiques. She decided to hit a couple of
more shops before heading to the hospital.

She ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with
a cup of coffee and a slice of yummy chocolate cake, compliments of
the last shop. She was jubilant.

Then she remembered her husband. Feeling guilty, she dashed to the
hospital. She saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about her
husband's condition.


The lady doctor glared at her and shouted 'You went ahead and finished
your shopping trip didn't you!? I hope you're proud of yourself! While
you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself in town, your
husband has been languishing in the Intensive Care Unit! It's just as
well you went ahead and finished, because it will more than likely be
the last shopping trip you ever take! For the rest of his life he will
require round the clock care. And taking care of him will now be your
career!'

The woman was feeling so guilty she broke down and sobbed.

The lady doctor then chuckled and said, 'I'm just pulling your leg.
He's dead. Show me what you bought.'

[VCURamFan]

Originally Posted by Primadawn

A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day finding the
most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in
the second. In the third everything had just been reduced by 50
percent when her cell phone rang. It was a female doctor notifying her
that her husband had just been in a terrible car accident and was in
critical condition and in the ICU.

The woman asked the doctor to inform her husband where she was and
that she'd be there as soon as possible.

As she hung up she realized she was leaving what was shaping up to be
her best day ever in the boutiques. She decided to hit a couple of
more shops before heading to the hospital.

She ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with
a cup of coffee and a slice of yummy chocolate cake, compliments of
the last shop. She was jubilant.

Then she remembered her husband. Feeling guilty, she dashed to the
hospital. She saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about her
husband's condition.


The lady doctor glared at her and shouted 'You went ahead and finished
your shopping trip didn't you!? I hope you're proud of yourself! While
you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself in town, your
husband has been languishing in the Intensive Care Unit! It's just as
well you went ahead and finished, because it will more than likely be
the last shopping trip you ever take! For the rest of his life he will
require round the clock care. And taking care of him will now be your
career!'

The woman was feeling so guilty she broke down and sobbed.

The lady doctor then chuckled and said, 'I'm just pulling your leg.
He's dead. Show me what you bought.'

Hahahahahahaha.

[Neezar]

Originally Posted by Primadawn

A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day finding the
most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in
the second. In the third everything had just been reduced by 50
percent when her cell phone rang. It was a female doctor notifying her
that her husband had just been in a terrible car accident and was in
critical condition and in the ICU.

The woman asked the doctor to inform her husband where she was and
that she'd be there as soon as possible.

As she hung up she realized she was leaving what was shaping up to be
her best day ever in the boutiques. She decided to hit a couple of
more shops before heading to the hospital.

She ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with
a cup of coffee and a slice of yummy chocolate cake, compliments of
the last shop. She was jubilant.

Then she remembered her husband. Feeling guilty, she dashed to the
hospital. She saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about her
husband's condition.


The lady doctor glared at her and shouted 'You went ahead and finished
your shopping trip didn't you!? I hope you're proud of yourself! While
you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself in town, your
husband has been languishing in the Intensive Care Unit! It's just as
well you went ahead and finished, because it will more than likely be
the last shopping trip you ever take! For the rest of his life he will
require round the clock care. And taking care of him will now be your
career!'

The woman was feeling so guilty she broke down and sobbed.

The lady doctor then chuckled and said, 'I'm just pulling your leg.
He's dead. Show me what you bought.'