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  #661  
Old 08-01-2013, 02:32 PM
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County Mike County Mike is offline
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Hahaha Very funny!

Now show us your boobs.
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  #662  
Old 09-23-2013, 02:46 PM
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This is from a daily newsletter my Dad gets (and occasionally forwards) called "Mikey's Funnies":

TRUE QUOTES ABOUT SCIENCE FROM KIDS
Part 1

~ One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.

~ You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how close you came to
getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind.

~ When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.

~ When people run around and around in circles, we say they are crazy. When planets do it, we say they are orbiting.

~ While the earth seems to be knowingly keeping its distance from the sun, it is really only centrificating.

~ Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change
into a sun in the daytime.

~ A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.

~ Many dead animals of the past changed to fossils, others preferred to
become oil.

~ Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they are there.

~ Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have
never been able to make out the numbers.

~ We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.

~ I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.

~ In making rain water, it takes everything from H to O.

~ Rain is saved up in cloud banks.

~ Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dog's tongue will kill
the strongest man.

~ Thunder is a rich source of loudness.

~ Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound.

~ It is so hot in some parts of the world that the people there have to live
in other places.
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  #663  
Old 09-23-2013, 03:24 PM
Bonnie Bonnie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Neezar View Post
A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.

'Mom', he asked, 'Are these my brains?'

'Not yet,' she replied.
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  #664  
Old 09-23-2013, 03:55 PM
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What do you say to a woman with two black-eyes?
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  #665  
Old 09-23-2013, 03:55 PM
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County Mike County Mike is offline
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A man has a brain and a penis, but only enough blood to operate one at a time.
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  #666  
Old 10-08-2013, 01:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VCURamFan View Post
This is from a daily newsletter my Dad gets (and occasionally forwards) called "Mikey's Funnies":

TRUE QUOTES ABOUT SCIENCE FROM KIDS
Part 1

~ One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.

~ You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how close you came to
getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind.

~ When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.

~ When people run around and around in circles, we say they are crazy. When planets do it, we say they are orbiting.

~ While the earth seems to be knowingly keeping its distance from the sun, it is really only centrificating.

~ Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change
into a sun in the daytime.

~ A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.

~ Many dead animals of the past changed to fossils, others preferred to
become oil.

~ Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they are there.

~ Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have
never been able to make out the numbers.

~ We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.

~ I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.

~ In making rain water, it takes everything from H to O.

~ Rain is saved up in cloud banks.

~ Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dog's tongue will kill
the strongest man.

~ Thunder is a rich source of loudness.

~ Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound.

~ It is so hot in some parts of the world that the people there have to live
in other places.
TRUE QUOTES ABOUT SCIENCE FROM KIDS
Part 2

~ H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.

~ To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.

~ Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin.
Hydrogin is gin and water.

~ Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.

~ Blood flows down one leg and up the other.

~ Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then
expectoration.

~ The moon is a planet, just like the earth, only it is even deader.

~ Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them
perspire.

~ Mushrooms always grow in damp places so they look like umbrellas.

~ The pistol of a flower is its only protections against insects.

~ The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the
outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to
hitch meat to.

~ A permanent set of teeth consist of eight canines, eight cuspids, two
molars, and eight cuspidors.

~ The tides are a fight between the earth and moon. All water tends towards
the moon, because there is no water on the moon and nature abhors a vacuum.
I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

~ A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.

~ Germinate: To become a naturalized German.

~ Liter: A nest of young puppies.

~ Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.

~ Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.

~ Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky.

~ Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.

~ Vacuum: A large, empty space where the Pope lives.

~ Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or
negative.

~ To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.

~ For a nosebleed, put the nose much lower than the body until the heart
stops.

~ For dog bite put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered,
then kill it.

~ For head cold use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your
throat.

~ To keep milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow.
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  #667  
Old 11-12-2013, 06:44 PM
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Tyburn Tyburn is offline
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A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send a mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed the wrong email address, and without realizing he sent the mail to a widow who has just returned from her husbsnd's funeral. The widow decided to check her mails,expecting condolences messeges from relatives and friends. After reading the first sms she fainted. Her... son rushed into the room and found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read: TO my loving wife, I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here, and we are allowed to send mails to our loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Expecting you soon my darling. I can't wait to see you!!!

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  #668  
Old 11-13-2013, 04:26 AM
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MattHughesRocks MattHughesRocks is offline
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Hey! That's mine!


Quote:
Originally Posted by VCURamFan View Post
What do you say to a woman with two black-eyes?
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  #669  
Old 06-26-2014, 06:31 PM
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Neezar Neezar is offline
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Where are we going? And why are we in a handbasket?
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  #670  
Old 06-27-2014, 04:37 AM
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MattHughesRocks MattHughesRocks is offline
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What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

NOTHING! You've already told her TWICE!







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