Joke Thread - Page 64 - Matt-Hughes.com Official Forums

Neezar · #**631** 08-18-2012, 06:58 PM

George, an atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he
turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you
strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total
stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, or no
Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?," as he smiled smugly.

"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a
question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass.
Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but
a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"

The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks
about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss
why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, and no life after death, when you
don't know ••••?"

And then she went back to reading her book.

flo · #**632** 08-18-2012, 07:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Neezar

George, an atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he
turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you
strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total
stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, or no
Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?," as he smiled smugly.

"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a
question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass.
Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but
a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"

The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks
about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss
why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, and no life after death, when you
don't know ••••?"

And then she went back to reading her book.

ROFLMAO!!!!

Bonnie · #**633** 08-18-2012, 10:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Neezar

George, an atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he
turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you
strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total
stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, or no
Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?," as he smiled smugly.

"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a
question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass.
Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but
a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"

The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks
about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss
why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, and no life after death, when you
don't know ••••?"

And then she went back to reading her book.

VCURamFan · #**634** 08-19-2012, 03:21 PM

I'll let Andy Griffith handle this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?gl=US&h...KM8&nomobile=1

VCURamFan · #**635** 08-20-2012, 01:57 PM

Today, my mom told me to go outside and water the plants. When I pointed out to her that it was raining, she told me to take an umbrella. FML

Neezar · #**636** 08-28-2012, 01:29 AM

An elderly retired Game Warden, former Army Bird Dog Pilot moved into a retirement community where good looking eligible men were at a premium.

After he had been there for a week, he went to Confession and said, "Bless me Father for I have sinned. Last week I was with seven different women."

The priest replied, "Take seven lemons, squeeze them Into a glass and drink the juice without pausing."

"Will that cleanse me of my sins, Father?"

"No," said the priest, "but it will wipe that •••• eatin' grin off your face

VCURamFan · #**637** 08-29-2012, 01:51 PM

Each August since 1998, Beloit College has released the Beloit College
Mindset List, providing a look at the cultural touchstones that shape the
lives of students entering college this fall. Each year Mikey's Funnies
loves to share it with you:

Quote:

THE MINDSET LIST FOR THE CLASS OF 2016

For this generation of entering college students, born in 1994, Kurt Cobain, Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, Richard Nixon and John Wayne Gacy have always been dead.

1. They should keep their eyes open for Justin Bieber or Dakota Fanning at freshman orientation.

2. They have always lived in cyberspace, addicted to a new generation of "electronic narcotics."

3. The Biblical sources of terms such as "Forbidden Fruit," "The writing on the wall," "Good Samaritan," and "The Promised Land" are unknown to most of them.

4. Michael Jackson's family, not the Kennedys, constitutes "American Royalty."

5. If they miss The Daily Show, they can always get their news on YouTube.

6. Their lives have been measured in the fundamental particles of life: bits, bytes, and bauds.

7. Robert De Niro is thought of as Greg Focker's long-suffering father-in-law, not as Vito Corleone or Jimmy Conway.

8. Bill Clinton is a senior statesman of whose presidency they have little knowledge.

9. They have never seen an airplane "ticket."

10. On TV and in films, the ditzy dumb blonde female generally has been replaced by a couple of Dumb and Dumber males.

11. The paradox "too big to fail" has been, for their generation, what "we had to destroy the village in order to save it" was for their grandparents'.

12. For most of their lives, maintaining relations between the U.S. and the rest of the world has been a woman's job in the State Department.

13. They can't picture people actually carrying luggage through airports rather than rolling it.

14. There has always been football in Jacksonville but never in Los Angeles.

15. Having grown up with MP3s and iPods, they never listen to music on the car radio and really have no use for radio at all.

16. Since they've been born, the United States has measured progress by a 2 percent jump in unemployment and a 16 cent rise in the price of a first
class postage stamp.

17. Benjamin Braddock, having given up both a career in plastics and a relationship with Mrs. Robinson, could be their grandfather.

18. Their folks have never gazed with pride on a new set of bound encyclopedias on the bookshelf.

19. The Green Bay Packers have always celebrated with the Lambeau Leap.

20. Exposed bra straps have always been a fashion statement, not a wardrobe malfunction to be corrected quietly by well-meaning friends.

21. A significant percentage of them will enter college already displaying some hearing loss.

22. The Real World has always stopped being polite and started getting real on MTV.

23. Women have always piloted war planes and space shuttles.

24. White House security has never felt it necessary to wear rubber gloves when gay groups have visited.

25. They have lived in an era of instant stardom and self-proclaimed celebrities, famous for being famous.

26. Having made the acquaintance of Furby at an early age, they have expected their toy friends to do ever more unpredictable things.

27. Outdated icons with images of floppy discs for "save," a telephone for "phone," and a snail mail envelope for "mail" have oddly decorated their tablets and smart phone screens.

28. Star Wars has always been just a film, not a defense strategy.

29. They have had to incessantly remind their parents not to refer to their CDs and DVDs as "tapes."

30. There have always been blue M&Ms, but no tan ones.