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Old 06-23-2010, 07:54 PM
BamaGrits84
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Default You Know What Makes Me So Mad?

Have all ever heard Earl Pitts on the radio? That where that title came from. Anyways, i was thinking you know how when someone passes we often hear people say "such and such won't have wanted that" or "do you think that is what such and such would want us to do"? Well I've decided it's over used. On November 15, 2009 I lost my sister to ARDS (look it up if you've never heard of it). She was 33 years old. I watched her everyday for 3 and a half weeks basically die. I litterally watched her dying. I saw a room full of people swarm her while a nurse practically sat on her pounding her chest. I had to tell a doctor from them to stop and just let her go. Now some of you may have dealt with similar situations and if you haven't I pray by the grace of God you never do. It was and continue to be the hardest thing I've ever dealt with. Well fast forward to current day. My brother-in-law is getting married on July just over 9 months after my sisters death. I'm not mad in the least bit but some other people have made comments about it. 1 I'm not mad because men tend to move on faster becasue they see the need to have a woman in the house to make a family whole. 2 a lot of stuff was going on between them that never once slowed him from being by her side ever time the icu dorrs opened. 3 the woman he is marrying is good to him & takes good care of my sister's 2 boys.

So I keep getting this "she (my sister) would have wanted"... what? me to be disrespectful to my brother-in-law and his wife to be to prove a point? Be rude to a woman that is good to my nephews? Show my butt like some white trash and beat her up in the yard? Althought knowing my sister well these are the things she might have done, it's not me. That's no how I am. I don't look at things like that. My thing is when someone passes why do people thing we have to continue to live as if they are here when they are not? They are gone. We are left to care for the children, or finances, or busniess, or whatever it may be that gets left behind. So doesn't it seem right that although we may not act in the manner the deceased would or even how they would want us to, we act in the manne that's best given the situation we are in? It's so easy for someone to say "well that's not what whoever would've want". When someone passes we should not be held captive in trying to make every decision based on how they would. No that's not fair. They are (hopefully) in a better place with eternal joy and we should be free to decide how to handle life without them as we see fit.
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Old 06-23-2010, 08:26 PM
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Originally Posted by BamaGrits84 View Post
Have all ever heard Earl Pitts on the radio? That where that title came from. Anyways, i was thinking you know how when someone passes we often hear people say "such and such won't have wanted that" or "do you think that is what such and such would want us to do"? Well I've decided it's over used. On November 15, 2009 I lost my sister to ARDS (look it up if you've never heard of it). She was 33 years old. I watched her everyday for 3 and a half weeks basically die. I litterally watched her dying. I saw a room full of people swarm her while a nurse practically sat on her pounding her chest. I had to tell a doctor from them to stop and just let her go. Now some of you may have dealt with similar situations and if you haven't I pray by the grace of God you never do. It was and continue to be the hardest thing I've ever dealt with. Well fast forward to current day. My brother-in-law is getting married on July just over 9 months after my sisters death. I'm not mad in the least bit but some other people have made comments about it. 1 I'm not mad because men tend to move on faster becasue they see the need to have a woman in the house to make a family whole. 2 a lot of stuff was going on between them that never once slowed him from being by her side ever time the icu dorrs opened. 3 the woman he is marrying is good to him & takes good care of my sister's 2 boys.

So I keep getting this "she (my sister) would have wanted"... what? me to be disrespectful to my brother-in-law and his wife to be to prove a point? Be rude to a woman that is good to my nephews? Show my butt like some white trash and beat her up in the yard? Althought knowing my sister well these are the things she might have done, it's not me. That's no how I am. I don't look at things like that. My thing is when someone passes why do people thing we have to continue to live as if they are here when they are not? They are gone. We are left to care for the children, or finances, or busniess, or whatever it may be that gets left behind. So doesn't it seem right that although we may not act in the manner the deceased would or even how they would want us to, we act in the manne that's best given the situation we are in? It's so easy for someone to say "well that's not what whoever would've want". When someone passes we should not be held captive in trying to make every decision based on how they would. No that's not fair. They are (hopefully) in a better place with eternal joy and we should be free to decide how to handle life without them as we see fit.
My thoughts are always along the lines of what would be best for those 2 boys. I don't care how it makes anyone else feel, those boys need someone to love them and if having this woman marry their father will help them heal and be emotionally whole after such a traumatic experience then that's what matters. Their mother is gone and if she was worth anything as a mom she would want her children to be loved and cared for.

I am divorced. My ex husband is dating a woman who is getting to know my kids. I want her to be a nice person and to be good to them. I don't get jealous of their relationship with her because them liking her means she is good to them and that's way more important than my feelings. I am also in a serious relationship with someone who I have been with for over a year now. My ex husband feels the same way about him as I do about his girlfriend. I know it's not the same but it's the closest parall