Very Ashamed :'(

[Tyburn]

So...its lent...and lent is all about seeing yourself for who you really are, and for about confronting temptations.

Alot of the time we think of temptations as things we recognise as temptations in the first place. We know we shouldnt do them, but we do them anyway.

Well today I learned my second Lenten Lesson. I had a temptation I didnt know I had. So I feel compelled to tell you all about it even if it paints me in a non to flattering light, because it is still a lesson from GOD, and something that he has taught me.

It is my custom on a Monday Morning each week to have my own time alone with Mother. We meet in this dinky little coffee shop in town, and spend an hour chatting. Its usually every week as we both have the same day off, but this was the last one for about a 5 week period as My Mother is needed to cover someone at work for the next month or so on a Monday.

We sat down and the conversation turned to her Mother, who is my Nan. Nans house is on the market as she prepares to leave Lincoln to come to Harrogate, this is because she wants to be near the family, and because she is now alone in Lincoln. At present she is a very active 85 year old, but Mother for the past five years has been worried and has geared a lot of her thoughts around preparing for Nan when she gets sick, or when she begins to show signs of heading for Death. Nan already has a flat reserved up here, but she must sell her house before she can move, and yet with the financial climate its taking its time, Nan is frustrated, and Mother is getting more worried. She asked me when I thought she should draw the line, and move Nan up regardless to live with her until the flat sold...anyway, this spiralled into an argument.

We dissagreed, and she said something she didnt really mean, and I got really quite angry indeed. The conversation continued and I was in full flow by the time I bothered looking at her to see that I had upset her enough to make her cry.

My Mother never cries. In my whole Life I have only seen her cry thrice. once when I was a small child, she had serious depression when I was young, Secondly, was a year or so after Her Fathers death when we talked about it...and the third time was today when I was so horrible to her I made her cry.

She then said really quietly "I want to go home now" I had ruined our last coffee together for well over a month. We walked and talked, and we made up, and she protected her pride by saying she was just being menopausal...but regardless of that, I had forgotten myself, and I had been really mean...and whatsmore, I would have continued if she hadnt been crying...thats whats so appauling...I wasnt ready to stop.

I felt absolutely sick afterwards...but I think this is a lesson about temptation so subtle, I dont notice it. I have a terrible temptation to judge people, and its so utterly wrong its unspeakable It took my Mother in tears for me to think about how my actions had not demonstrated a SINGLE fruit at all. I had not been patient with her when she said something out of anger, I had not shown her kindness, I had so little self control that had she not been crying, we'd still be in that shop now going at it...I was only gentle after she had started crying, there was no love in what I said, it brought niether of us any peace. So much for honouring your Parents. I really had absolutely no right.

I am truely and really increadibly sorry, and although she forgave me, I dont think thats the end of it. This is something I cant allow to happen again. Its a Temptation I have been made well and truely aware of, and one that I plan on overcoming in the future...its high time I slayed Judgement Dragon I think.

Poor Mother

[Tyburn]

For because he himself has suffered when tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.

too bad you weren't sipping on some beer....my family thinks that's an excuse for any mean hateful dumb thing you do or say.

seriously though it probably wasn't even your fault she cried. i'm sure you did hurt her feelings but if she is a woman that doesn't cry much when she does it's probably because she's just stressed and you happen to catch her at a weak moment. you've learned a valuable lesson and may not have if this wouldn't have happened. i'm the same way i don't cry but if i do it's not because of one thing it is everything stressing me and one thing may just set it off.

You probably shouldn't have talked to her that way but she shouldn't have talked to you in a mean manner either. Apologize (hopefully she'll do the same) and strike it up as a lesson learned.

[Tyburn]

Originally Posted by Twinsmama

too bad you weren't sipping on some beer....my family thinks that's an excuse for any mean hateful dumb thing you do or say.

seriously though it probably wasn't even your fault she cried. i'm sure you did hurt her feelings but if she is a woman that doesn't cry much when she does it's probably because she's just stressed and you happen to catch her at a weak moment. you've learned a valuable lesson and may not have if this wouldn't have happened. i'm the same way i don't cry but if i do it's not because of one thing it is everything stressing me and one thing may just set it off.

You probably shouldn't have talked to her that way but she shouldn't have talked to you in a mean manner either. Apologize (hopefully she'll do the same) and strike it up as a lesson learned.

I dont drink Alcohol, I'm T-Total, so I have no excuse

She said to me that she is noticing a rise in being quite tearful and she is at the right age to be menopausal...and its true...she did say something to me that sparked me off.

But thats no excuse. We are responsible for our own actions regardless of what others say...and I'm not dumb enough to believe she meant what she said, I knew she was just angry. I had a choice as to how to respond. I could have said nothing and gone quiet, the situation would have been diffused...but it was too tempting to explode...I couldnt help myself, I snapped back...and things just got worse and she ended in tears.

It is a lesson learned indeed, because its something I do quite a lot, and its not going to help me grow fruit. Its not my place to Judge or be mean to other people, GOD has already clearly stated that he will judge like you have judged, if you are harsh judgers, he will see to it that you are harshly judged, and thats totally fair isnt it.

Its something that will take a bit of...practise I think...but at least now I'm aware of it. GOD help me

[Jonlion]

Thanks for your confession Dave

Psalm 32

I acknowledged my sin to you and I did not cover my Iniquity; I Said "I will confess my transgressions to the Lord and you foragve the iniquity of my sin

Praise the Lord brother

[Tyburn]

INDEED

I wouldn't even worry about it ... Mom's cry always .. i know you have only seen her cry a few times, but they always cry ... chalk it up to you winning the argument ...

[Tyburn]

Originally Posted by rearnakedchoke

I wouldn't even worry about it ... Mom's cry always .. i know you have only seen her cry a few times, but they always cry ... chalk it up to you winning the argument ...

but I didnt win the argument...the fact is, she was actually right, just because someone is in good health at 85...doesnt mean they still have many years left...