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Old 03-19-2009, 09:40 PM
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Unhappy Great Aunt Eileen dies



Eileen Burgess-Driver, one of a set of Three Matriarchal Daughters, had a dramatic falling out with her older and younger Sister DECADES ago. She moved to a secluded spot on the South Coast, Married a man called David, and they lived and grew old together.

About three years ago David died, and Eileen, being over 80 couldnt truely fend for herself. So she returned to sheltered living...and she returned to the Family. The Youngest of the Sibling, now also in her 80s is my Maternal Grandmother

The oldest of the three Siblings, now well into her 90s is Great Aunt Joan, who is now in a nursing home and extremely fragile. So fragile, The family has decided not to inform her on the death of her younger Sister, for fear that grief and shock would quite simply, kill her aswell.

Eileen was kinda like my success story. Before David Died I decided I'd write to her in an effort to get her back into the Family. She responded and we struck up a correspondance, which prooved a useful channel for her to try and reforge relationships with her Sisters...something I greatly encouraged with Nan.

I just got off the phone with Mother.

Eileen Burgess-Driver died yesterday of a Heart attack, it has been categorised as a sudden death despite her age, because she was quite a healthy women for her age. I hope my Nan and her made their peace in the last couple of years, and that Nan doesnt regret the nearly thirty years that the two refused to talk to one another, now that she is gone.

Life is fleeting people, do not let the sun go down on a dispute, lest the sun only rise the next on one or other of you
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Old 03-19-2009, 10:26 PM
Bonnie Bonnie is offline
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Hopefully, it was quick, Dave. It sounds like she had a long life. I'm sorry the sisters didn't keep up with each other those thirty years. Sometimes things happen in families and people let time go by before they can make peace with each other. I hope your Nan and her sister were able to do that.

I am in a similar situation with my oldest sister. We haven't had a falling out, but rather she is a very difficult person to get along with. It's sad because she's never married and has no children. She's one of those people who you can be talking to friendly and such and all of a sudden she's barking at you. You're like, , what happened? I always say she's got a Jekyll and Hyde personality.

Unfortunately, it's not just me either. Her relationship with all of us is like that. So, I've had to come to grips with the fact that she might die and I'll have to accept the situation as it is. In other words, I don't think there will be resolution for any of us with my sister.

The only saving grace for me is that I know God knows what is in my heart (my love) for her.
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Old 03-20-2009, 12:45 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bonnie
Hopefully, it was quick, Dave. It sounds like she had a long life. I'm sorry the sisters didn't keep up with each other those thirty years. Sometimes things happen in families and people let time go by before they can make peace with each other. I hope your Nan and her sister were able to do that.

I am in a similar situation with my oldest sister. We haven't had a falling out, but rather she is a very difficult person to get along with. It's sad because she's never married and has no children. She's one of those people who you can be talking to friendly and such and all of a sudden she's barking at you. You're like, , what happened? I always say she's got a Jekyll and Hyde personality.

Unfortunately, it's not just me either. Her relationship with all of us is like that. So, I've had to come to grips with the fact that she might die and I'll have to accept the situation as it is. In other words, I don't think there will be resolution for any of us with my sister.

The only saving grace for me is that I know God knows what is in my heart (my love) for her.
I dont know exactly what the argument was about that sent Eileen hurtling out of the family. Nan has said that she was quite a difficult person to get on with because she felt...inadequet

Eileen would always tell everyone that she was Her Fathers favourite Daughter, she also neglected her Mother. She started getting distressed when her Teenaged Son was killed in a Motorbike Accident.

She's never recovered...now she is dead, noone succeeds her

Whereas Her Sister Joan has Children, Grandchildren, and Great Grandchildren...and My Nan has Children and Grandchildren. It appears that was something that Eileen had wanted, and had ruthlessly taken away from her, and she never recovered...

Its so sad. Her life appears to have been swallowed up (at least Nan says 45 years of it...thats the last time she saw Eileen FORTY FIVE YEARS AGO! ) by bitterness, envy, and feelings I imagine of little self worth and great inadequecies.

Nan...the Sister Eileen hasnt seen in nearly half a Century will be Chief Mourner at the Funneral....that just shows you how separated Eileen made herself
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Old 03-20-2009, 01:01 AM
Bonnie Bonnie is offline
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Well, I guess she decided a long time ago to cut herself off from the rest of her family. That's sad about her only child. Parents should never outlive their children, but it's a sad fact of life, they do. And, sometimes people just never do recover from such a loss. You'd think that tragedy such as that would bring them closer, but in reality, it often times drives a wedge. You hear all the time of when someone dies and the ones left behind start fighting over their estate (money and material things) and sometimes never talk to each other again because of perceived hurt feelings.

My sister has carried a chip on her shoulder since childhood and brought it with her into her adulthood. It's sad that as an adult she didn't/hasn't realized that you just have to try and let go of what happened in the past and start fresh. It doesn't mean that the hurts aren't going to be remembered just that you choose to put that behind you and move on to a healthier and hopefully happier place.

Time is no respecter of man and all his foibles/troubles. We are too quick to grab on to the things that divide us instead of holding on to love to unite us.

Last edited by Bonnie; 03-20-2009 at 05:41 PM.
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Old 03-20-2009, 02:19 PM
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Sorry for your loss Dave.
I also commend you for being patient and caring with your "Nan" and reaching out to your Aunt in hopes of ending the family feud. Your a noble man Dave. Much love,
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Old 03-20-2009, 06:28 PM
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We can only try our best with these kinds of situations.

Thank you very much for those who responded to this thread
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