I have an admission to make...I keep forgetting to do my one Bible Chapter a day...
But I have come up with a plan.
I was told that I must speak as often as possible to my Budgie called Jens...who I bought for deeply spiritual reasons anyway (to remind me about my Intrinsic Value,
which the demons keep telling telling me lies about
) So i've started to read out stuff to him, and its funny because you can read in your head a lot better then you can read outloud
Have any of you ever actually READ the Bible out loud. Its NOT very easy going. But you discover, as with everything, that if you SAY it, and SPEAK it, rather then just read it in your head....you learn more.
So...I'm reading my Chapter a day out loud to my Budgie (along with every thing else...like Forum posts...a Fighters Heart...a gas bill...anything so he hears my voice non stop...but I wasnt going to read the Bible out...funny that. I thought automatically about reading out something like a council tax statement...but I wasnt going to speak the word of GOD...I wonder why not...am I afraid someone will overhear me?? am I really that frightened...? no I dont think so...I think its because saying a few things...might force me to recognise them...I secretly know this...and I am secretly persauded that it would be easier not to...I suddenly became aware I was planning a time to do every single thing else...everything other then read the Bible...I would rather go as far as write my exercise plan and chose a definate time a day for that...then programme in reading the Bible...I became aware that I was ignoring it so much, it was becoming an effort to ignore it..actually a deliberate effort...and there was Jens chirping away and clucking his beak, snapping it open, and seemingly yawning at my protests...when he saw me looking at him..he turned and looked out of the window instead...it brought back to my mind the day i'd been reading in costa coffee and the little child sitting with its Mother on a nearby table had reached out and tried to grab and eat my Bible...how strange that a Budgie will sit and listen to scripture, and a Baby who has no care in the world will try and reach out and eat it...and here am I in a web of such confusion...because I'm aware of what the Bible is...they are not, they dont understand, they just sit there and listen, or reach out because its a colourfully coloured book....and I...the intelligent man...is quite afraid of what I might find inside, because I have the knowledge of goodness and evil....I know...I know what I am..and I know what I should be, and they dont match up...and I'm frightened by that, because I feel like I should have power over it...but having the knowledge of it completely ruins my ability to actually have power over it...thats why its a curse...thats why GOD didnt feed them the apple, and Satan did....and suddenly I feel in a deafening silence that I am not the only one in the room who is well aware of this knowledge, and the fact I have it...and how to decieve me and stop me....its like suddenly realizing that I'm not fully incontrol of my mind...I, as in, me, am not the leading voice in my head...these voices, these thoughts are not coming from me...something is getting in my way, something is hiding in the shadows, pretending to be nothing but a thought in my head...and its bollox...and now its awkward...because he knows I can see him...and now its my turn to smile, not his...)