Thread: Joke Thread
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Old 03-26-2012, 04:04 PM
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A blind man was eating dinner with his wife when the family dog wandered over & started peeing on the man’s leg. Once he realized what was going on, the man grabbed a hunk of the wife’s pot roast off his plate & started offering it to the dog. His wife was livid. “I spent hours slaving over that pot roast for you & you use it to reward the dog that JUST PEED ON YOU????” The man calmly replied, “Honey, I’ve got to find his mouth so I can whup his @$$.”

Did you know that doctors have discovered that diarrhea is hereditary? Turns out it runs in your jeans…

God originally created Woman with 3 breasts, but the middle one kept getting in the way, so God put her back to sleep & removed it. When she woke up, Woman held up the leftovers & asked “What are we gonna do with the useless boob?” And then God created Man.

How can you tell if your wife has passed away? The sex is about the same, but the dished are stacking up…

Jed went to the town dance & was lucky enough to win the door prize. Unfortunately, the town wasn’t the most affluent, so his “big get” was just a toilet brush. Later that week, at poker night, his buddies were giving him a hard time about his great luck. “How’s that amazing toilet brush treating you?” Jed just rolled his eyes & said “It works pretty well, fellas, thank. But I gotta be honest, I still like toilet paper better.”

A large shipment of Viagra was hijacked last night. Though they don’t have many leads, law enforcement officers are keeping an eye out for hardened criminals…

Earl was bragging to his buddies one night about his prize stud bull, Durham. “Yezzir, boys, Durham got it done 200 times last year!” Edith, Earl’s wife, happened to be wandering by & heard him. She snickered & shot back, “Gee, Earl, 200 times in a year? Bet you didn’t know that was possible! Maybe you should pay a little better attention, Durham might be able to teach you something!” As his buddies started laughing, Earl nodded & said, “Yeah, it mighta been 200 times, Edith, but it wasn’t all with the same cow!”

What do you get when you combine Holy Water with Caster Oil? A religious movement…

Like most early cultures, the aborigines originally saw no need for clothing. They were born naked, lived naked & would die naked. It seemed the most natural thing in the world. One day, though, a hunter met an elephant during his Walk About. The elephant glanced down at him with a quizzical look on his face & asked “Well, yeah, it’s cute, but can you really breathe through it?” The aborigines have worn loincloths ever since.
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