so very sad indeed
I found a person from my long distant past, someone who I was friends with, someone who one day simply vanished into the ether. She was part of my social circle at Secondary school, for the first three years. Then one day she didnt tern up to class...and I never ever saw her again. A lot of the people in my social circle at that time were Special Educated Needs...they lived in an area of Lincoln called Bracebridge Heath...it was a horrible, dirty, poverty stricken district, a sort of slum really, over crowded, and full of the stereotypically, not so bright people who would be condemned to living probably a shyty life, maybe they would simply be dumb, maybe they would end up in drugs.
Anyway...I found her...she appears briefly in the first Diary I ever wrote...sixteen years ago...so its been the best part of twenty years...Anyway....I was perusing through her photographs...and I found five small children...absolutely no mention of a Father...and there are pictures of them playing in the Garden...but its the back of a council house somewhere...no lawn...just weeds growing out of the dirt...somehow, its exactly what I pictured things for her would be like....and one wonders what will become of those Children...
I was very lucky when I was younger...we had a large detatched house, with a massive garden, full of flower beds, we had apple trees, we had swings that were put up in the field sized back lawn...it was soooo large the council actually anexed a portion and built a new house on the road at the end...and we still had more then enough room....We had a set of parents who worked hard to support us. I would stay up late everynight and the last activity would be to help Mother close the house down, to draw the curtains, and to stick the cat out, all before our favourite radio programme came on. We would go on school trips to places like Eden Camp (a museum set up on an old WW1 airbase) or to Craindale (a week long orientation and adventure activity centre in the dales)
I dont suppose that Samanthas children get any of that...I mean, I dont think they are unhappy...they just dont know any better then what they have got.
I connected with another friend, from school aswell...last I heard of her she was going through University in Norwich and getting married to her friend, we all were in the same social group during my school exams around the tern of the century. She stuided things like Foreign Languages and quite difficult subjects....I discovered, that she too, has ended up sitting on a checkout at a Supermarket...she hasnt seen her Husband in four years...and they are in the middle of a long devorce proccess....
I wonder if I have failed to appreciate what I have had...in light of what other who, potentially had brighter, or less brighter futures then me...considering we have all ended up in dead end jobs, and living well below the poverty line that...I think...happens to be an appauling norm in the Western World...I dont know if there really is an in the middle...it seems your either wealthy...or your all the same...its not just a sign of the times...its a message about what is important...and how far we are prepared to let ourselves slip before we realize that what we have is what we got...and rather then strive for the impossible...or cry about the improbable...whilst we wait, and toil for a better future...there is plenty not only to enjoy...but also to appreciate and build on...and for some reason....we dont, or cant be bothered to actually be entertained by that
We live for an impossible dream, and we wonder why we are depressed that we havent made it. We believe that a good job, or a better life will be the answer to our prayers and problems...rather then seeing that the plate infront of us...may not be perfect...but it exists...and we discredit ourselves if we dismiss it.