It pains me to hear about these kinds of experiences that happen to people in the church. The church should be the most welcoming, loving and safest place a person could go, but sadly at times it is not.
Seems like all your experiences have been with religious people. Religious people will tell you that you must dress a certain way, worship a certain way, that dancing is wrong or that the wine in the bible was really grape juice and that God will only welcome you if you are in a church. These types of so called christians are the same ones that Paul tells us to be aware of in Phillipians 3. They are refered to as dogs. You know what dogs do, they eat other dogs feces.
When someone asks me what religion I am, I always have a hard time answering. The reason being is that I don't see Christianity in its purest form as a religion. Religion is about what people do to seek God, his approval, his love, by doing things, acting a cretain way humans believe they can impress God. This falls into much of what the world religions are about. But Christianity is about a GOd that pursues us. COmes down to us, lives with us, to love us and forgive us. Christianity tells us of a God that loves us unconditionally. That there is nothing we can do that God will love us anymore and nothing we can do that God will love us anyless. He is a God that gives all undeserving love.
Now the bible doesn't say that we need to be partof a church specifically but it does say we need to be with fellow believers. There are good healthy, bible believing, sound doctrine churches and I hope you get the courage to look and find one.
There is a pastor named Mark Driscoll in seattle. He did a sermon on religion and he goes as far to say that God hates religion. It is a good sermon and if you go to Mars Hill Church Seattle you should be able to find it.