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Tyburn
08-23-2009, 11:42 PM
:angry:

I dont know how it is in America, but in England the Swimming pools are vastly too small and overcroweded

I usually come out of the health suite like a burning ember, having become extremely hot whilst in the gym, I like to run down to the pool and when I get in its like what happens when you drop a burning saucepan into cold water. It virtually smokes and fizzes :laugh:

But once ive cooled down I like to actually swim properly like my twenty lengths. But I have all these hurdles to cross.

First, I need to find a fee space by the waters edge from which to launch amoung the gazillion bathers who are using the pool as it were some sort of roman bath. They just sit there and splash their hands or look seriously at the water, but have no intention of swimming. They waste space!

Anyway, finding a place I then begin to swim from the shallow end to the deep end. The second Hurdle is the foolish parents who bring there little children into the pool, not to swim, but to splash about, its like you have to follow some stupid winding country lane, you cant just go in a streight path across the pool. Thankfully because of the "no armbands beyond this point" sign, this is a relatively thin hurdle to cross.

out in deeper water you begin to get the middle aged woman, who swim side by side and yammer away to each other. Your either slowed so badly you have to stop and just tread water behind what feels like a tractor, or you keep swimming between two people who are having a conversation between themselves without a care in the world about those who want to simply cross the pool

Midway across, you reach the tidal waves produced by the egotistical male swimmer who thinks he's an olympian, but also thinks the best strokes are butterfly or crawl and, not a seemingly smooth movement, but he's a splashing and his wake extends tenfold, so if you are lucky enough not to collide with him (he cant see you because his face is down in the water, and he wouldnt stop anyway) you are drowned by the waves he produces.

Finally you begin to enter the deep water, and now you have to be weary of those who jump first and look second. Your busy concentrating on the line of ugly women, excitable young girls, and muscle marys that all think they know how to turn a belly flop of atom bomb proportions into a sleek pencil dive. thats when you collide violently with the plonker who thinks the pool is empty enough to try backstroke!!!!!


:laugh:

My defense is that with my natural boyancy, I dont roll over in the white squalls I encounter, and with my huge lung capacity I shoot out water like a whale if I feel encrouched on, during the breathing out. with a big fissssssssssssssssche sound and a splatter of tiny particals, I demonstrate visually to them all why if they ever catch swine flu they really must cover their nose, because I have had such practise its now a fine spray that drifts across the pool

I have been going long enough to finally befriend a few...like "Torpedo" one of the proper swimmers who comes regularly, he will dive nicely and swim almost the length of the pool underwater, under peoples feet and bodies, coming up only once in the centre of air.

I wish I was like him, and could avoid all the human debris on the surface :laugh:

Play The Man
08-24-2009, 12:49 AM
Don't worry about pool etiquette, pretty soon you will not be able to use the pool at all . . . unless you wear a "burkini".

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/politics/6034706/Swimmers-are-told-to-wear-burkinis.html

http://i.telegraph.co.uk/telegraph/multimedia/archive/01461/burqini460_1461189c.jpg


Swimmers are told to wear burkinis
British swimming pools are imposing Muslim dress codes in a move described as divisive by Labour MPs.


Under the rules, swimmers including non-Muslims are barred from entering the pool in normal swimming attire.

Instead they are told that they must comply with the "modest" code of dress required by Islamic custom, with women covered from the neck to the ankles and men, who swim separately, covered from the navel to the knees.


The phenomenon runs counter to developments in France, where last week a woman was evicted from a public pool for wearing a burkini the headscarf, tunic and trouser outfit which allows Muslim women to preserve their modesty in the water.

The 35-year-old, named only as Carole, is threatening legal action after she was told by pool officials in Emerainville, east of Paris, that she could not wear the outfit on hygiene grounds.

But across the UK municipal pools are holding swimming sessions specifically aimed at Muslims, in some case imposing strict dress codes.

Croydon council in south London runs separate one-and-a half-hour swimming sessions for Muslim men and women every Saturday and Sunday at Thornton Heath Leisure Centre.

Swimmers were told last week on the centre's website that "during special Muslim sessions male costumes must cover the body from the navel to the knee and females must be covered from the neck to the ankles and wrists".

There are similar rules at Scunthorpe Leisure Centre, in North Lincolnshire, where "users must follow the required dress code for this session (T-shirts and shorts/leggings that cover below the knee)".

In Glasgow, a men-only swimming session is organised by a local mosque group at North Woodside Leisure Centre, at which swimmers must be covered from navel to knee.

At a women-only class organised by a Muslim teacher at Blackbird Leys Swimming Pool, Oxford, to encourage Muslim women to learn to swim, most participants wear "modest" outfits although normal costumes are permitted.

The dress codes have provoked an angry reaction among critics who say they encourage division and resentment between Muslims and non-Muslims, putting strain on social cohesion.

Ian Cawsey, the Labour MP for the North Lincolnshire constituency of Brigg and Goole, said: "Of course swimming pools have basic codes of dress but it should not go beyond that.

"I don't think that in a local authority pool I should have to wear a particular type of clothes for the benefit of someone else. That's not integration or cohesion."

Labour MP Anne Cryer, whose Keighley, West Yorkshire constituency has a large number of Muslims, said: "Unfortunately this kind of thing has a negative impact on community relations.

"It's seen as yet another demand for special treatment. I can't see why special clothing is needed for what is a single-sex session."

Muslim swimming sessions are also held at a number of state schools around the country. At Loxford School in Ilford, east London, a local Muslim group organises weekly sessions for Muslim men, with the warning that "it is compulsory for the body to be covered between the navel and the knees.

"Anyone not adhering to the dress code or rules within the pool will not be allowed to swim".

The practice of holding special Muslim swimming sessions has led to non-Muslims being turned away.

David Toube, 39 and his five year old son Harry were last year refused entry to Clissold Leisure Centre, in Hackney, east London, after being told the Sunday morning swimming session was for Muslim men only.

Council officials later said staff had made a mistake and both Mr Toube, a corporate lawyer, and his son should have been admitted.

After discovering the rules at Thornton Heath one Croydon resident, 34-year-old Alex Craig, said: "I think it is preposterous that a council should be encouraging this type of segregation over municipal facilities.

"Surely if Muslims want to swim then they should just turn up with their modest swimwear at the same time as everyone else."

Tyburn
08-24-2009, 01:05 AM
well...at least I shall see them coming :laugh:

I'm not wearing something like that...its far too restrictive,...plus everytime I move, i'd rip a seam or something...then what would be classed already as inappropriate would be classed as positively obscene :blink:

Play The Man
08-24-2009, 01:10 AM
Perhaps the pool managers could "rope off" some lanes for people swimming laps with some buoy-supported lane ropes. The people swimming for exercise could use lanes and the remainder of the pool could be used as a recreation area for the children who just splash around.

Tyburn
08-24-2009, 01:11 AM
Perhaps the pool managers could "rope off" some lanes for people swimming laps with some buoy-supported lane ropes. The people swimming for exercise could use lanes and the remainder of the pool could be used as a recreation area for the children who just splash around.
they do that already...a fast and a slow lane.

but the slow lane is too fast for me...and the lanes arent big enough to over-take :sad:

Play The Man
08-24-2009, 01:17 AM
they do that already...a fast and a slow lane.

but the slow lane is too fast for me...and the lanes arent big enough to over-take :sad:

Maybe swim laps adjacent to the rope which separates the lanes from the general area.

Tyburn
08-24-2009, 01:38 AM
Maybe swim laps adjacent to the rope which separates the lanes from the general area.
thats where all the muscle marys swim. It'd be like being fed through a nicer dicer slicer from JML :laugh:

Jason 16
08-25-2009, 03:05 AM
thats where all the muscle marys swim. It'd be like being fed through a nicer dicer slicer from JML :laugh:
Iam not sure about most pools but the one here every day they have 2 hours put a side for parents to enjoy the pool to swim laps or what ever with out being disturbed by others

Chuck
08-25-2009, 03:21 AM
I usually come out of the health suite like a burning ember, having become extremely hot whilst in the gym, I like to run down to the pool and when I get in its like what happens when you drop a burning saucepan into cold water. It virtually smokes and fizzes :laugh:

Please tell me you shower before you get in the pool??? :blink:

Jumping in a pool all hot and sweaty without showering is a breach of gym etiquette here in the States.

Play The Man
08-25-2009, 05:52 AM
thats where all the muscle marys swim. It'd be like being fed through a nicer dicer slicer from JML :laugh:

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
I laughed out loud even though I don't know the definition of "muscle mary", "nicer dicer slicer", or "JML".

County Mike
08-25-2009, 11:21 AM
They need to make a "Dave Lane" and keep it clear just for you. What the heck are those other people thinking? Trying to cool off when you want to get your laps in. The nerve.

atomdanger
08-25-2009, 05:17 PM
other than at friends houses I have never been in a pool.

I mean, not a public pool.
We always just swim in the river

Tyburn
08-25-2009, 05:36 PM
They need to make a "Dave Lane" and keep it clear just for you. What the heck are those other people thinking? Trying to cool off when you want to get your laps in. The nerve.
I KNOW :angry:

and the other thing is, this is not cheap...I pay through the teeth to be able to afford to go swimming :angry:

Tyburn
08-25-2009, 05:37 PM
We always just swim in the river
you probably wouldnt be allowed to do that in England :blink:

atomdanger
08-25-2009, 06:55 PM
you probably wouldnt be allowed to do that in England :blink:

really?

Why?

Jason 16
08-25-2009, 09:07 PM
you probably wouldnt be allowed to do that in England :blink:
wow thats gay We allways ramp bikes shopping carts and random crap into the crick near my house.(of cource we dont leave the stuff in it)

Tyburn
08-25-2009, 10:22 PM
really?

Why?

Well firstly you have to understand that our Geography means that there are very few rivers, and that all the rivers are usually close (what you would consider close) to a major urban area. The bigger rivers are all still extremely active in the import/export trade.

All land in England is owned, there is no free land. There is land available at a price to buy, but its already owned by someone. The Four main Land owners are The Crown, Local Government, The National Trust, The Church. You can rule out the Church since the Commissioners.

The National Trust will own parkland and listed buildings or tourist sites, as such they will have strict policies on what you can do. Noone wants to see skinny dipping in the brook that runs past Fountains Abbey for example. It would be considered a breach of the Peace, and be classified as "Exposure" Thats why Streakers if caught are actually criminally arrested!

Areas owned by the Crown mainly include their own castles and the likes, again as tourist destinations, that behaviour would not be tollerated.

Finally the Council. Local Government is extremely anal with what you can and can not do on the land they own....even on land YOU own, they can stop you building without their consent (and when I mean Building, I mean, if I wanted to put up a flag pole...sometimes, even a Sky Dish on the side of the house.

They will not tollerate you swimming in rivers. Not only is it dirty and unclean, but its also likely that you could cause vandalism, you'd be indecently exposing yourself (presumably, you wouldnt be wearing much :laugh: )

It a no go.

Just to proove a point, a guy actually did take this to point. Living in the Greenbelt, an area of protected land in the south owned by the Council. He made a huge wall of hay stacks. Inside the stacks he built a house that looked a lot like a castle, I believe he used Grain Bins to get the towers. The rule was that the council had six years to tell you to remove whatever you built without their knowledge, or they would have to leave it. Of course they couldnt see it because it was covered by hay!

6 years later one night the hay vanished, and there it was.

The Council went Nuclear, and claimed that because it wasnt visable they couldnt have seen it, so the 6 years actually began when the hay was removed, not when the structure was built. They threatened to come and knock it down.

So the Architect, hoisted a flag, and declaired himself a Castle, and thus The property of The Crown! :laugh: :laugh: He then wrote to the Queen to let her know that her Castle was under attack from Parliamentarians :rolleyes:

Via Con Dios
08-26-2009, 07:07 AM
really?

Why?


cough cough police state cough cough

who would want to swim in the Thames anyway? :sick:

County Mike
08-26-2009, 11:17 AM
Swimming does not equal skinny deaping or streaking.

The dude with the hay-covered castle sounds like a riot. I think I'd be friends with him.

Tyburn
08-26-2009, 11:40 AM
who would want to swim in the Thames anyway? :sick:
well exactly :blink:

Tyburn
08-26-2009, 11:42 AM
Swimming does not equal skinny deaping or streaking.

The dude with the hay-covered castle sounds like a riot. I think I'd be friends with him.
here is an artical about it for you to read :)

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/1576421/Castle-hidden-behind-bales-of-straw.html

County Mike
08-26-2009, 01:39 PM
Mr Fidler is fighting the borough council over 12 enforcement notices in total, which include the construction of a go-kart track on his 195 acres of land.



Dude is awesome!

rockdawg21
08-26-2009, 04:08 PM
And I thought we were going to talk about billiards. :sad:

Just go next to the persons bothering you and make the water warm. :laugh:

que
08-28-2009, 02:57 AM
is peeing in the pool proper pool ettiquette? just wondering (not that i do that)

Chuck
08-28-2009, 03:09 AM
is peeing in the pool proper pool ettiquette? just wondering (not that i do that)

Boy I sure hope so!!! :ashamed:

Bro we were swimming in the Gulf of Mexico this summer and I swear when I peed the water around me felt cooler... the Gulf was sooo warm it was uncomfortable..

Tyburn
08-28-2009, 04:41 PM
Boy I sure hope so!!! :ashamed:

Bro we were swimming in the Gulf of Mexico this summer and I swear when I peed the water around me felt cooler... the Gulf was sooo warm it was uncomfortable..
:angry: the sea, or a pool is not your cesspit Chuck, cease from peeing in it no matter how warm it is :laugh:

rockdawg21
08-28-2009, 05:13 PM
Boy I sure hope so!!! :ashamed:

Bro we were swimming in the Gulf of Mexico this summer and I swear when I peed the water around me felt cooler... the Gulf was sooo warm it was uncomfortable..
Oh my goodness! You just released harmful ammonia into the Gulf! I'm sure you are the cause of all of the hurricanes that are blasting the East Coast right now! You should be ashamed of yourself Chuck!

County Mike
08-28-2009, 05:35 PM
:angry: the sea, or a pool is not your cesspit Chuck, cease from peeing in it no matter how warm it is :laugh:

As a man, the world is my toilet. It's one of the great benefits of being a man. We can pee anywhere.

rockdawg21
08-28-2009, 05:39 PM
http://www.angelfire.com/mo/ThePeoplesChamp/images/piss.gif :laugh: As a man, the world is my toilet. It's one of the great benefits of being a man. We can pee anywhere.

Tyburn
08-28-2009, 05:53 PM
Oh my goodness! You just released harmful ammonia into the Gulf! I'm sure you are the cause of all of the hurricanes that are blasting the East Coast right now! You should be ashamed of yourself Chuck!
not to mention he said it was cold! the Gulf is important for supplying England and the North Atlantic with warmer waters to ensure a warm and wet clime, rather then a cold and frozen one.

If the Gulf Stream goes out in the near Future I shall know who to blame :laugh:

Tyburn
08-28-2009, 05:54 PM
As a man, the world is my toilet. It's one of the great benefits of being a man. We can pee anywhere.
As A Man, you should be looking after the World. Thats what GOD created you for. To preserve His World, not Distroy it. :ninja:

Neezar
08-28-2009, 06:01 PM
As A Man, you should be looking after the World. Thats what GOD created you for. To preserve His World, not Distroy it. :ninja:

Maybe the Dragon is right and the urine is healthy for the earth, too.

Tyburn
08-28-2009, 06:16 PM
Maybe the Dragon is right and the urine is healthy for the earth, too.
Urine is very healthy. IN THE TOILET :rolleyes:

Neezar
08-28-2009, 07:22 PM
Closeminded.

Tyburn
08-28-2009, 08:49 PM
Closeminded.
:laugh:

Chuck
08-28-2009, 10:07 PM
:angry: the sea, or a pool is not your cesspit Chuck, cease from peeing in it no matter how warm it is :laugh:

Says the man who get's in the pool all sweaty after a workout!

And sometimes you can't help but pee in the Gulf... it's like getting in a hot tub.... it just makes it happen!!!

And besides Mike is right!!! When you can aim your own gun you can shoot it anywhere!!

Tyburn
08-28-2009, 10:18 PM
Says the man who get's in the pool all sweaty after a workout!

And sometimes you can't help but pee in the Gulf... it's like getting in a hot tub.... it just makes it happen!!!

And besides Mike is right!!! When you can aim your own gun you can shoot it anywhere!!
:blink: :laugh:

Chuck...if that Gulf stream goes out..... :ninja:

Chuck
08-28-2009, 10:42 PM
:blink: :laugh:

Chuck...if that Gulf stream goes out..... :ninja:

:D

I guess I could always pee on the beach instead! :laugh:

que
08-29-2009, 07:20 AM
Urine is very healthy. IN THE TOILET :rolleyes:

unless you are lyoto machida... then urine is very healthy.... in your stomach

County Mike
08-29-2009, 12:39 PM
Relax Dave. It's just pee. Every other animal on the planet pees wherever it wants. Human pee isn't toxic. It won't destroy the planet.

If I ever visit England, I'm going to pee EVERYWHERE!

Chuck
08-29-2009, 02:22 PM
Relax Dave. It's just pee. Every other animal on the planet pees wherever it wants. Human pee isn't toxic. It won't destroy the planet.

If I ever visit England, I'm going to pee EVERYWHERE!

You and everyone else! They have such a problem with public urination over there that they actually have toilets (or they used to) that pop up out of the ground in the evening for the bar crowd to use.

True story... it looks like a phone booth but it has a few urinals attached, no doors.. and guys just walk up and pee... it's hilarious. :D

Tyburn
08-29-2009, 04:12 PM
Relax Dave. It's just pee. Every other animal on the planet pees wherever it wants. Human pee isn't toxic. It won't destroy the planet.

If I ever visit England, I'm going to pee EVERYWHERE!
In England, Peeing on public property is an arrestable offense. So, unless you want to be remanded into Custody, I suggest, if you ever visit England you never pee anywhere but a toilet.

Of course...you do have to be caught with your pants down, or be standing infront of a CCTV camera at the time...but it happens. The police are within their rights to detain and caution you if you finish your night out and decide you just have to go against a lamp-post or something :ninja:

Tyburn
08-29-2009, 04:14 PM
You and everyone else! They have such a problem with public urination over there that they actually have toilets (or they used to) that pop up out of the ground in the evening for the bar crowd to use.

True story... it looks like a phone booth but it has a few urinals attached, no doors.. and guys just walk up and pee... it's hilarious. :D
are you talking about public toilets Chuck??

They dont "pop up out of the ground" its just that they dont unlock except on a night, and they do look like little phonebooths, I'll grant you that...there was one outside SPC.

I never went in it. Its not clean, and its often...erm...not a place for the hetrosexual male shall we say :blink:

Chuck
08-29-2009, 07:37 PM
are you talking about public toilets Chuck??

They dont "pop up out of the ground" its just that they dont unlock except on a night, and they do look like little phonebooths, I'll grant you that...there was one outside SPC.

I never went in it. Its not clean, and its often...erm...not a place for the hetrosexual male shall we say :blink:

Nope... I'm talking about public toilets that pop out of the ground :wink:

http://www.urilift.com/index.php

Tyburn
08-30-2009, 02:10 AM
Nope... I'm talking about public toilets that pop out of the ground :wink:

http://www.urilift.com/index.php
They are always up. Thats why noone knows they can pop up. :ninja:

Play The Man
08-30-2009, 02:10 AM
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
I laughed out loud even though I don't know the definition of "muscle mary", "nicer dicer slicer", or "JML".

I still would like to know the definition of a "muscle mary".:huh:

Play The Man
08-30-2009, 02:12 AM
are you talking about public toilets Chuck??

They dont "pop up out of the ground" its just that they dont unlock except on a night, and they do look like little phonebooths, I'll grant you that...there was one outside SPC.

I never went in it. Its not clean, and its often...erm...not a place for the hetrosexual male shall we say :blink:

Are we talking about a Larry "Wide Stance" Craig situation?

Tyburn
08-30-2009, 02:17 AM
I still would like to know the definition of a "muscle mary".:huh:
Muscle Mary :laugh: think Sean Sherk in his prime

Nicer Dicer Slicer is a kitchen vegetable cutter and its sold by the company called JML :laugh:

Chuck
08-30-2009, 05:38 AM
They are always up. Thats why noone knows they can pop up. :ninja:

Heck I don't know... you live there so I'll take your word for it...


but in the video.... they pop up :D

County Mike
08-30-2009, 01:44 PM
Heck I don't know... you live there so I'll take your word for it...


but in the video.... they pop up :D

I think I would run along the row of pop-up urinals and try to pee in every one of them. Maybe see if I can make it all the way down and back before running out of ammo.

Tyburn
08-30-2009, 02:44 PM
I think I would run along the row of pop-up urinals and try to pee in every one of them. Maybe see if I can make it all the way down and back before running out of ammo.
:laugh: :laugh:

Thats rancid

que
09-06-2009, 06:26 AM
In England, Peeing on public property is an arrestable offense.

same thing for american laws too.

Tyburn
09-06-2009, 09:28 AM
same thing for american laws too.

:laugh: well you will be happy to know that whilst on tour I do not plan on peeing anywhere other then into a toilet :laugh:

que
09-08-2009, 01:38 AM
:laugh: well you will be happy to know that whilst on tour I do not plan on peeing anywhere other then into a toilet :laugh:

what if you get lost on your way to someone's house in america and you are in the middle of nowhere and you can't find a gas station, restaurant or toilet of any kind?

will you relieve yourself outside behind a tree or bush or will you let your bladder explode?

p.s. that's not a joke, bladders do explode

TexasRN
09-08-2009, 01:58 AM
what if you get lost on your way to someone's house in america and you are in the middle of nowhere and you can't find a gas station, restaurant or toilet of any kind?

will you relieve yourself outside behind a tree or bush or will you let your bladder explode?

p.s. that's not a joke, bladders do explode


Every guy I know has peed outside.


~Amy

Chuck
09-08-2009, 03:03 AM
what if you get lost on your way to someone's house in america and you are in the middle of nowhere and you can't find a gas station, restaurant or toilet of any kind?

will you relieve yourself outside behind a tree or bush or will you let your bladder explode?

p.s. that's not a joke, bladders do explode

I don't think so Tim. :huh:

County Mike
09-08-2009, 10:54 AM
Every guy I know has peed outside.


~Amy

Sometimes, when I'm inside and get the urge to pee. I go outside, even if the bathroom is available. It's just nice to get some fresh air once ni a while. Also, it saves water. No need to flush.

Tyburn
09-08-2009, 11:52 AM
what if you get lost on your way to someone's house in america and you are in the middle of nowhere and you can't find a gas station, restaurant or toilet of any kind?

will you relieve yourself outside behind a tree or bush or will you let your bladder explode?

p.s. that's not a joke, bladders do explode

I wouldnt need the toilet, because I would have gone before setting off and getting lost :rolleyes: