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BamaGrits84
07-29-2011, 04:11 PM
I saw a post son here before that Matt started about the 5 Love Languauges. And our pastor did a message on the same thing once. So over the past several months I was wondering what do you do when someone demands all the love languages all the time in order to be happy? The idea is that everyone has a primary and secondary love language, but I believe there are some people who need all 5 all the time in order to feel loved. And I'm sure there are some who need their 1 filled so much that the person giving the love can't keep up with the high level of need. Then there are these people who don't even know how to begin to identify their own love language because all they have ever know if trying to meet someone elses. Thoughts?

Dethbob
07-29-2011, 04:39 PM
My wife says this is the result of looking to people for things you can only get from God. People do that usually because they don't know where they should be looking, they don't know how, or because they feel that God will expect too much of them.

BamaGrits84
07-29-2011, 04:44 PM
I get that. What I was sort of think about was the quality time one. What if someone needs another person to devote every spare minute of their time to them in order to feel loved?

Miss Foxy
07-29-2011, 05:04 PM
I get that. What I was sort of think about was the quality time one. What if someone needs another person to devote every spare minute of their time to them in order to feel loved?

Ugg.. I can't stand needy people.. That would drive me away.........................fast...

Dethbob
07-29-2011, 05:18 PM
Thatís an interesting one. They may be leaning too hard on that one because one or more of the others is not being filled. Or they may have something unresolved that they are trying to avoid by filling that time with someoneís attention. Or maybe they arenít valuing that time as much as they should because they are getting too much of it. Or it may be a control thing, making sure you donít do anything but them. Talking to them about it may be a minefield, and as a guy that would be my last resort.

BamaGrits84
07-29-2011, 06:39 PM
Ugg.. I can't stand needy people.. That would drive me away.........................fast...

I don't know about fast. I know about 10 years is enough to though. :ninja:

Miss Foxy
07-29-2011, 06:42 PM
I don't know about fast. I know about 10 years is enough to though. :ninja:

That would be highly annoying to me. I would say the person has internal issues and needs help resolving them.. Relying on you or something else is a co-dependency and thats not good at all. Let me tell you... You are one patient cookie.. :wink:

BamaGrits84
07-29-2011, 06:43 PM
I tried to take that quiz once to see what my love languages were. It was sad because about 90% of the questions I couldn't even answer for about myself.

If there were a 6th lanaguage for simplicity that would be mine. Don't make things so dang difficult and I'm good.

Miss Foxy
07-29-2011, 06:48 PM
I tried to take that quiz once to see what my love languages were. It was sad because about 90% of the questions I couldn't even answer for about myself.

If there were a 6th lanaguage for simplicity that would be mine. Don't make things so dang difficult and I'm good.

Well there goes that I have the physical touch and quality time brackets lol... :ashamed:

Primadawn
07-29-2011, 07:03 PM
I got exactly equal scores for Physical Touch and Words of Affirmation. Followed quite closely by Receiving Gifts...:ashamed:

Dethbob
07-29-2011, 07:05 PM
I tried to take that quiz once to see what my love languages were. It was sad because about 90% of the questions I couldn't even answer for about myself.

If there were a 6th lanaguage for simplicity that would be mine. Don't make things so dang difficult and I'm good.

Ah, so itís your fault. He thinks that what you need is someone to give to, so thatís what heís providing. Try going down the list and demanding stuff, see which ones work for you. Train yourself (and him) to avoid number 6.

Dethbob
07-29-2011, 07:24 PM
Iím just saying this from a guyís perspective, if my wife asks for something Iíll do it, but if she doesnít say anything I assume everythingís cool. If you want something to be different, itís better for everyone to come out and say so.

BamaGrits84
07-29-2011, 07:56 PM
Iím just saying this from a guyís perspective, if my wife asks for something Iíll do it, but if she doesnít say anything I assume everythingís cool. If you want something to be different, itís better for everyone to come out and say so.

Saying so doesn't always work.

Picture this: Someone who has quality time as their #1 need. Then they want #2 as service. But they need #1 for 25 hours of the day. And they have so many things under #2 they want done for them that you need 25 hours in a day to do them all. That is a impossible need that someone is expecting another person to fill. Like you said earlier, only I don't think it is they are looking from something from a person that it needed from God. I think these people need to just accept that love doesn't mean someone has to cater to your love languages around the clock. Some people really are needy to the extent that it drives the other person to forget what they even need to feel loved. Then you end up with 1 person who demands way to much to feel loved and one who wants to give up because the impossible is expected. Or so I think.

Twinsmama
07-29-2011, 08:23 PM
Ugg.. I can't stand needy people.. That would drive me away.........................fast...

:laugh: ditto!!! my husband is already so needy. always needing me to wash clothes, do dishes, clean house, make his sandwiches etc i couldn't stand it if he were mentally needy.

my brother is an emotional wreck and even cries to my sister in law when he doesn't get attention that he thinks he needs to make him feel good about himself. i'm sorry but when i see him , in my head he's always wearing pink panties.:laugh: (he's like 6ft 3 in and about 280:laugh:)

Miss Foxy
07-29-2011, 08:25 PM
:laugh: ditto!!! my husband is already so needy. always needing me to wash clothes, do dishes, clean house, make his sandwiches etc i couldn't stand it if he were mentally needy.

my brother is an emotional wreck and even cries to my sister in law when he doesn't get attention that he thinks he needs to make him feel good about himself. i'm sorry but when i see him , in my head he's always wearing pink panties.:laugh: (he's like 6ft 3 in and about 280:laugh:)

LOL.. I have been told I am unemotional and cold. I just think MEN need to act like men. If I don't sit there nagging to you as a woman->man I can't handle man-->woman. I have no patience..I need to feel he is strong.. Mentally and physically.

BamaGrits84
07-29-2011, 08:34 PM
I guess to me the concepts that make loving languages work well in a relationship would require that both people realize the others love languages and realize to what extent the other is capabale of filling the need. If you expect someone to give you more quality time than they have to give you then it won't work. And if you only care about having your own needs filled first before you are willing to consider the other person's it won't work.

Twinsmama
07-29-2011, 08:34 PM
Saying so doesn't always work.

Picture this: Someone who has quality time as their #1 need. Then they want #2 as service. But they need #1 for 25 hours of the day. And they have so many things under #2 they want done for them that you need 25 hours in a day to do them all. That is a impossible need that someone is expecting another person to fill. Like you said earlier, only I don't think it is they are looking from something from a person that it needed from God. I think these people need to just accept that love doesn't mean someone has to cater to your love languages around the clock. Some people really are needy to the extent that it drives the other person to forget what they even need to feel loved. Then you end up with 1 person who demands way to much to feel loved and one who wants to give up because the impossible is expected. Or so I think.

sounds like 25 hrs of quality time a day is because some one wants to run your life and uses quality time as an excuse. jealousy comes to mind. like not wanting you to get out of their sight. I'm not trying to be rude but this person is needy and controling I can tell by the first part. Then for them to require so much from a person that that person can't even think about themselves is ridiculous.

I know it is corny but they need to love themselves first. It kinda sounds like the person needs a mama. Love me, Love me , do everything for me. Relationships are never 50/50 but that extreme is ridiculous.

Miss Foxy
07-29-2011, 08:38 PM
I guess to me the concepts that make loving languages work well in a relationship would require that both people realize the others love languages and realize to what extent the other is capabale of filling the need. If you expect someone to give you more quality time than they have to give you then it won't work. And if you only care about having your own needs filled first before you are willing to consider the other person's it won't work.

You clearly have a big heart Bama..Good thread makes me realize I need a lot of work.. :unsure:

Twinsmama
07-29-2011, 08:39 PM
LOL.. I have been told I am unemotional and cold. I just think MEN need to act like men. If I don't sit there nagging to you as a woman->man I can't handle man-->woman. I have no patience..I need to feel he is strong.. Mentally and physically.

:laugh: Wow are you my sister:laugh: I need a man to be my rock. I totally know what you are saying!

Twinsmama
07-29-2011, 08:39 PM
I guess to me the concepts that make loving languages work well in a relationship would require that both people realize the others love languages and realize to what extent the other is capabale of filling the need. If you expect someone to give you more quality time than they have to give you then it won't work. And if you only care about having your own needs filled first before you are willing to consider the other person's it won't work.

well said!!