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View Full Version : Don’t Worry: Osama Was Shot in Accordance with Islamic Tradition


Dethbob
05-05-2011, 01:51 PM
Frank J. Fleming knows the very first thing that went through your mind when you heard of bin Laden's death: were all the religious niceties observed?

http://pajamasmedia.com/blog/dont-worry-osama-was-shot-in-accordance-with-islamic-tradition/

"So that’s why everyone involved was very careful to handle his dead body in accordance with Islamic tradition… as best they could. I mean, there were a few minor bumps along the way, like when the body kinda sorta got dragged off by wild dogs. That happens. No one is perfect, not even the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH)). And you have to understand that dogs are just animals, and a big difference between animals and people is the ability to show respect for Islamic traditions. Anyway, those dogs were chased immediately, the body was retrieved, and the canines involved were given a stern talking to."

Spiritwalker
05-05-2011, 02:11 PM
First thing that went through my mind.....

"Great!!!"

Second thing....

"I hope it hurt! A lot!"


What was the first thing to go through Bin Laden's mind when the SEAL team busted in on him??

A 5.56x45mm round..

Spiritwalker
05-05-2011, 02:22 PM
:happydancing: :happydancing: :happydancing:
:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:

I know what was probably the first thing to go through your mind when you heard the news that Osama bin Laden had been killed: Was his dead body handled properly according to Islamic tradition? Well, on behalf of the U.S. government, I am happy to tell you that yes, it absolutely was.

I think in these situations, the most important thing to us is showing religious respect. We didn’t like how Osama was responsible for murdering thousands of innocent men, women, and children, but that was just one aspect of the man. Another aspect was that he was a Muslim — and that was a good part of him that we greatly respect. Because Islam is a great religion. Really great. Personally, I don’t practice it, but others do, and they really seem to like it. So, while we didn’t like the terrorist side of Osama, I think everyone understands that we still need to celebrate the Muslim side of him and give it the respect it deserves.

So that’s why everyone involved was very careful to handle his dead body in accordance with Islamic tradition… as best they could. I mean, there were a few minor bumps along the way, like when the body kinda sorta got dragged off by wild dogs. That happens. No one is perfect, not even the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH)). And you have to understand that dogs are just animals, and a big difference between animals and people is the ability to show respect for Islamic traditions. Anyway, those dogs were chased immediately, the body was retrieved, and the canines involved were given a stern talking to.

Unfortunately, while everyone was preoccupied with yelling “Bad dog!” a cat jumped up on the body. And if you’ve ever owned a cat, you know they’re mischievous little creatures. That’s part of their charm. Anyway, the cat ate one of his eyeballs. So, not great there on respecting the body according to Islamic tradition, but accidents happen. And while everyone was trying to get the eyeball back, a raccoon started chewing on the body — which is really weird, because they’re not even indigenous to the region. But the raccoon was chased off in accordance with Islamic tradition. Well, I mean, the Qur’an doesn’t specifically mention chasing off animals trying to chew on a dead body, but it’s heavily implied that you should.


So, at this point, I wouldn’t say the body had been disrespected, but it obviously was not an auspicious start. Like if there were an Olympic event for treating a dead body in accordance with Islamic tradition, the U.S. would probably have been out of the running for the gold at that point. And then we probably could forget about the silver when a point was deducted for letting the body roll down a hill (I’m assuming an Olympic event for treating a dead body in accordance with Islamic tradition would be scored similarly to gymnastics).

Still, everyone was psyched to recover from those mishaps and rally for the bronze (I’m speaking metaphorically; there aren’t actually medals for this sort of thing). The body got to the ship without further mishap, and then the ship went out to sea for a nice, respectful-to-Islam burial. Can you think of anything more respectful than a water burial? You can’t; I mean, it’s out there in nature with all the water… very nice. And the body was wrapped in a clean white sheet — again, really respectful. Someone could have said, “Hey, since we’re just going to throw it in the ocean, let’s go ahead and use a dirty sheet.” But we used a clean sheet, because respect for Osama’s religion was that important. And after Osama was nicely wrapped up, he was chucked into the sea with a hearty shout of, “Yay, Allah!” in accordance with Islamic tradition. And then a jig was danced in accordance with Irish tradition.

Still I know, some of you are concerned about when the Navy SEALs raided Osama’s compound, whether he was then shot in the face in accordance with Islamic tradition. Well, don’t worry; he absolutely was. The very last thing anyone wanted was for Osama to think while he was being killed, “They’re doing this to me because I’m Muslim!” Because, again, that would definitely not be true. So great care was taken, and he was shot in the face in a religiously respectful way.

For instance, none of the Navy SEALs in the raid were eating a pork sandwich as they did it. And none of them had on them any depictions of Muhammad (PBUH). Also, the raid was done between prayer times — not during! And when Osama was shot in the face, he was facing westward. I’m not sure that’s actually religiously important, but if it is, then, yes, he was doing that. And when he was shot, the traditional Muslim expression of “Allahu Akbar!” was shouted — except it was an English translation, so it was something like, “Thank you, Jesus!”

Of course, not everyone interprets the Qur’an the same way, so Osama was also shot in accordance with a few other traditions to make sure all bases were covered. So he was shot eleven times total. But there was a little hitch — he didn’t actually die from the gunshots. It kind of caught everyone off guard, and they were a bit stumped on what religiously respectful thing to do next. But then a quick thinking SEAL grabbed a Qur’an and beat Osama to death with it.

Okay, maybe that wasn’t the best idea in the history of respecting religions, but you can understand the sentiment. How comforting for Osama was it that the last thing he saw was his own holy book? Still, it’s understandable how some would see that as the opposite of being respectful, so the U.S. government would like to say to the friends and family of Osama — those who haven’t been killed or captured — a heartfelt “Oopsie.” And we assure you, the Qur’an was cleaned off, and an imam looked it over to make sure it was not permanently harmed. So no worries there.

Still, it’s a great time for America, and it was was nice to see all those people cheering in the streets Sunday night when they heard the news that Osama had been treated in a way that respected his religion. Because that’s what is important in this modern world, and we work very hard on respecting the culture of those we have to kill for pragmatic reasons. And it’s hard, because people can really take it the wrong way when you storm their compounds and start shooting them. They may think, “Are Americans doing this because they look down on our religion and culture?” And no one wants that; we want to hurt people, not feelings. That’s why all hellfire missiles now have written on the front of them, “This shouldn’t be construed as a negative view of your religion.” And the battle cry of the United States Marines has been changed to “THIS IS WITH THE UTMOST RESPECT!” It’s terrifying when men armed with assault rifles yell it while firing at you … but at the same time, it’s a little comforting.

Again, I have to emphasize that America has no problem with Islam — just with terrorists — many of whom happen to be Muslim … and we think it’s great they’ve chosen such a lovely religion with such a storied culture. That’s not a problem for us… It’s just the murdering. That’s our only beef.

And that’s why everyone involved in hunting terrorists these days is well-trained in being respectful to those they’re gunning down. And we can only hope that the last thing that went through Osama’s head was the thought, “Wow, these Americans killing me sure are respectful of my religious views.”

Well, the last thing before the bullet, that is. The certified halal bullet.

Spiritwalker
05-05-2011, 02:23 PM
People at my work are still looking at me cause I am lauging so E'fing hard.. ah man.. that was great...

Dethbob
05-05-2011, 02:35 PM
Frank J. is one of my favorites, you can see why!

"Muhammad (PBUH)" lol!

Primadawn
05-05-2011, 03:30 PM
Awesome! I lol'd. :laugh:

Bonnie
05-05-2011, 05:00 PM
a heartfelt "Oopsie!" :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

and,

And the battle cry of the United States Marines has been changed to “THIS IS WITH THE UTMOST RESPECT!” It’s terrifying when men armed with assault rifles yell it while firing at you … but at the same time, it’s a little comforting. :laugh:

BamaGrits84
05-05-2011, 05:22 PM
I hope the "washing of the body" came in the form of a golden shower. :angry:

Have yall ever seen the Calvin window decals that show Calvin pissing on the name "Bin Laden"? I pray that soon we will see some with a SEAL litterally pissing on Bin Laden.

Spiritwalker
05-05-2011, 05:33 PM
I hope the "washing of the body" came in the form of a golden shower. :angry:

Have yall ever seen the Calvin window decals that show Calvin pissing on the name "Bin Laden"? I pray that soon we will see some with a SEAL litterally pissing on Bin Laden.

I really hate those stickers... just a little crass for me...

But I was also a Calvin and Hobbs NUT.. when I was a kid... so ethat my be the reason...

http://www.doobybrain.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/calvin-and-hobbes-stamp.jpg

rockdawg21
05-05-2011, 05:34 PM
Well, he was shot in accordance with radical Islamic tradition.

Spiritwalker
05-05-2011, 05:39 PM
Well, he was shot in accordance with radical Islamic tradition.

:cool:

Only if he was unarmed... (and by unarmed..I mean I wouldn't mind if his arms were taken offer by rounds before the face shot)
:laugh:

rockdawg21
05-05-2011, 05:47 PM
:cool:

Only if he was unarmed... (and by unarmed..I mean I wouldn't mind if his arms were taken offer by rounds before the face shot)
:laugh:
LOL, rumor has it that he was unarmed! Not sure about the other part though, lol

rearnakedchoke
05-05-2011, 06:13 PM
although i am glad that they said the US treated his body with islamic tradition .. my question is, how does a suicide bombers body get treated with the same tradition? i am sure they don't pick up all the pieces ..

Miss Foxy
05-05-2011, 06:22 PM
although i am glad that they said the US treated his body with islamic tradition .. my question is, how does a suicide bombers body get treated with the same tradition? i am sure they don't pick up all the pieces ..

:laugh: Lol. I know right!!!!!!!

Spiritwalker
05-05-2011, 06:30 PM
although i am glad that they said the US treated his body with islamic tradition .. my question is, how does a suicide bombers body get treated with the same tradition? i am sure they don't pick up all the pieces ..


The sucide bomber spends the after life "all around" the area they bombed..

Seriously though...
Personally I could care less.. and am a bit "bugged" that there was ANY tradition involved.. I mean.. who followed tradition when Daniel Pearl was beheaded on video.. and then broadcast.. they cut his body into 10 pieces... What about the killed American soldiers that have been dragged through the street...ie: Mogadishu (granted not Al Qaeda)... We "fear" repriasals from Al Qaeda for killing Bin Laden.. where is the fear from how they have treated our dead...

What about the just plain "threats" that these groups make... If you are a citizen... and can be imprisoned by threatening the President.. and even investigated.. for making "half hearted comments".. I wouldn't have a problem with traking down these individuals.. and making them go away...

Intellectually I understand that it's best to be "the better man".. but it gets old fast...

But it really is WAY past time to put fear back into these thugs hearts...

rearnakedchoke
05-05-2011, 06:34 PM
The sucide bomber spends the after life "all around" the area they bombed..

Seriously though...
Personally I could care less.. and am a bit "bugged" that there was ANY tradition involved.. I mean.. who followed tradition when Daniel Pearl was beheaded on video.. and then broadcast.. they cut his body into 10 pieces... What about the killed American soldiers that have been dragged through the street...ie: Mogadishu (granted not Al Qaeda)... We "fear" repriasals from Al Qaeda for killing Bin Laden.. where is the from from how they have treated our dead...

What about the just plain "threats" that these groups make... If you are a citizen... and can be imprisoned by threatening the President.. and even investigated.. for making "half hearted comments".. I wouldn't have a problem with traking down these individuals.. and making them go away...

Intellectually I understand that it's best to be "the better man".. but it gets old fast...

But it really is WAY past time to put fear back into these thugs hearts...

i hear what you are saying .. but when they said Osama was un-armed, my first thought was, why didn't they try and take him alive .. but then i thought of the possibilities of hostages being taken and asking for his release instead just irked me .. i know there would be so many .. i know they are planning stuff already, and a new leader is probably selected .. but the war on terror must continue ..

Spiritwalker
05-05-2011, 06:39 PM
And that works for me..

I say stop having our military trying to be a police force... That are not trained that way.. and shouldn't be...

Have our military go kill/stop the enemy.. we are in a "war on terrorists".. we know where Bin Laden's courier would go to from that house.. I say we go there... kill or capture the terrorists there.. and then go to where the courier went to before that.. and so on...

If we can pin point an area that a video was made at.. stating.. "Death to America....".. when LEVEL the place from a B-52.. or lower level bomber.. with LGMs... soon.. no where to hide...

rockdawg21
05-05-2011, 07:07 PM
although i am glad that they said the US treated his body with islamic tradition .. my question is, how does a suicide bombers body get treated with the same tradition? i am sure they don't pick up all the pieces ..
LOL, good question!

flo
05-05-2011, 07:32 PM
Loved it!!

Well, I mean, the Qur’an doesn’t specifically mention chasing off animals trying to chew on a dead body, but it’s heavily implied that you should.



LMAO!!! Nice find, Dethbob, I'm sending this to my better half and brother.

flo
05-05-2011, 07:34 PM
I loved the "oopsie" too, Bonnie!