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VCURamFan
04-19-2011, 03:31 PM
In the long storied tradition of "FailBlog" and "Texts From Last Night", I present a new way to laugh at the foolishness of others!!


Today, I watched Free Willy with my daughter. Later on she decided to free her 6 pet mice into the house. FMLhttp://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/fmylife/~4/X1TAGlJXXMA



Today, I was putting red nail polish on my nails and put a newspaper on the table to make sure that it didn't spill. I later discovered the nail polish made the newspaper stick to the table. I scrubbed nail polish remover on it, thinking it would help but instead bleached the table. FMLhttp://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/fmylife/~4/lHVRYbVW68E



Today, I woke up to a strange sound that sounded like a lot of water being poured into a sink. It was actually my father in law using the bathtub as a toilet. He's staying with us, and is showing no signs of leaving any time soon. He thinks this is acceptable behavior. FMLhttp://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/fmylife/~4/Cqwj9w1sWD8

VCURamFan
04-19-2011, 03:34 PM
Today, while enjoying a nice dinner out, I observed a homeless man giggling hysterically to himself while wiping boogers on my bike seat and handlebars. FMLhttp://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/fmylife/~4/5JPJX-7y2wQ


This kid deserves to get beat:

Today, I told my son that his grades are dropping and his behavior is getting out of hand. To which he replied, "Yeah, so is your weight." FMLhttp://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/fmylife/~4/5saWoQPVQ00



Today, my friend and I were bouncing around on a trampoline. We brought my dog up to bounce him around. We found it hilarious. He didn't. He attacked us. FMLhttp://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/fmylife/~4/uMTHHHOuagc

VCURamFan
04-19-2011, 04:59 PM
Today, I was taking a crap in a public stall when three kids broke down the door and pelted me with eggs. FML

Today, as I was out walking, one homeless man sitting with two others asked me for something to eat. Trying to do good, I bought the three men a bag of apples. They then fought viciously over them before the first man chased me for handing them to "the wrong one." FML

:laugh:

flo
04-19-2011, 05:16 PM
Yeah, that's a funny site!

Today, I woke up to a strange sound that sounded like a lot of water being poured into a sink. It was actually my father in law using the bathtub as a toilet. He's staying with us, and is showing no signs of leaving any time soon. He thinks this is acceptable behavior. FML


:scared0011:

Thanks for the morning laughs, Ben!

VCURamFan
04-19-2011, 05:19 PM
Yeah, that's a funny site!



:scared0011:

Thanks for the morning laughs, Ben!
Glad to help. :wink:

VCURamFan
04-25-2011, 07:15 PM
Today, I woke up to find a parking ticket on my car. My car was in my driveway and the cop who wrote it is my ex-boyfriend. This is the third time. FMLhttp://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/fmylife/~4/m6bE8lSEUnE

County Mike
04-25-2011, 08:22 PM
Today, I was taking a crap in a public stall when three kids broke down the door and pelted me with eggs. FML

Picturing that made me LOL.

VCURamFan
04-25-2011, 10:47 PM
Picturing that made me LOL.

Same here:

Today, my grandpa who is staying with us mistook me for a Japanese soldier and started to hit me with a bat. This is the second night in a row. FML

VCURamFan
04-29-2011, 02:32 PM
Today, I returned home after a three-week trip to Jamaica. When I opened the door to my room, I was greeted by a swarm of bees and their enormous nest, which was attached to my doorknob. Apparently, I'd forgotten to close the window properly before I left. FMLhttp://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/fmylife/~4/WO2-SXQkW0U





This one just sucks:

Today, while being robbed, a man heroically chased down the robber and got my purse back. He then looked at the distance between us, turned the other way and ran off with it. FMLhttp://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/fmylife/~4/SypdiqNqmEY

VCURamFan
05-13-2011, 05:31 PM
Man, we got some winners today! :laugh:


Today, my girlfriend sent out a mass text to everyone on her contact list. She's getting married in a month. I didn't propose to her. FMLhttp://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/fmylife/~4/pDHBOlNYW2U





Today, I saw my dad chugging a beer in the garage. Why is that so bad? He was hosting an AA meeting in the basement. FML

This one isn't technically from FML.com, but I think it meets the spirirt of the recquirements. :laugh:

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/epic-fail-photos-classic-roomba-fail.jpg

VCURamFan
05-16-2011, 04:37 PM
Today, my husband and I were filling out forms for life insurance. We were talking about beneficiaries, and we both picked our daughter. My amount is 500,000 dollars, and my husband's is one million. When we told our daughter this, she started laughing devilishly. FMLhttp://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/fmylife/~4/2xiXfbZGI2k






Today, I realized my 3 year old son, who is being potty trained, has better aim standing up to pee than his 30 year old father. FMLhttp://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/fmylife/~4/0DK-V7m4d3A



I'd just like to point out that it's a lot easier to aim when you're closer to the target. :ashamed:


Today, I noticed an extremely large bug buzzing around my room. After several attempts, I stomped on it with my shoe. I was trying to get a closer look at my victory when it flew into my nostril. Turns out it was just playing dead. FMLhttp://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/fmylife/~4/2mFkdbGhSBU

BamaGrits84
05-16-2011, 09:00 PM
I'd just like to point out that it's a lot easier to aim when you're closer to the target. :ashamed:

Always wondered about that. I figured it had something to do with lack of attention since that is an all around problem for some men. :rolleyes:

VCURamFan
05-18-2011, 01:53 AM
Education success!!!

Today, I had a parent-teacher conference with my 8 year old son. He'd written "Chuck Norris" as the answer for every question on his test. FML

Neezar
05-18-2011, 03:25 AM
Education success!!!

:laugh:

VCURamFan
06-02-2011, 05:35 PM
Hahaha, classic mom complaint! :laugh:
Today, we finally got wireless Internet. My mom won't let us open any doors or windows in fear that it might "let the Internet out". It's 103 degrees in here. FMLhttp://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/fmylife/~4/zgIOeAjWnl4

DonnaMaria
06-02-2011, 09:32 PM
I'd just like to point out that it's a lot easier to aim when you're closer to the target. :ashamed:

I humbly disagree. And I have almost 20 years of research to back up my claim. :)

Boys/men/anything that has a penis/ pee(s) on the floor. Period.

You can't argue with......or change......nature.

:laugh:

VCURamFan
06-03-2011, 01:21 AM
I humbly disagree. And I have almost 20 years of research to back up my claim. :)

Boys/men/anything that has a penis/ pee(s) on the floor. Period.

You can't argue with......or change......nature.

:laugh:

These are the best urinals ever. They used to have 'em at Grove City College (where my brother & sister-in-law went):

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_D1sP-NndkqU/TTjZC4-gSyI/AAAAAAAAqiE/a9nvKRYTWYY/s1600/img490.jpg

DonnaMaria
06-03-2011, 02:16 AM
These are the best urinals ever. They used to have 'em at Grove City College (where my brother & sister-in-law went):

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_D1sP-NndkqU/TTjZC4-gSyI/AAAAAAAAqiE/a9nvKRYTWYY/s1600/img490.jpg


WOW!!! That is fool ( aka MAN) proof!!!!!!:laugh:


I love them!!! I need them in my classroom!!!!

DonnaMaria
06-03-2011, 02:18 AM
Although at second glance.........those look a might too close for comfort! Ewwwwwww! Why would you want to stand right next to another guy when you pee?!?:blink:

Girls might go to the bathroom together, but we don't all use the same stall! :laugh:

DonnaMaria
06-03-2011, 02:20 AM
AND btw........where DO you look? Is it against Man Code to look at another guy when you pee? Do you really stare at the wall?:huh:

County Mike
06-03-2011, 12:58 PM
Stare straight ahead. Say nothing.

Primadawn
06-03-2011, 01:07 PM
Stare straight ahead. Say nothing.

And for heaven's sake, don't tap your foot on the floor! :scared0011:

VCURamFan
09-23-2011, 01:24 PM
Today, it was my first day as a police officer. A couple of hours into the shift, we got a call. A man was drunkenly jeering and urinating on parked cars. That man turned out to be my father. FMLhttp://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/fmylife/~4/YoYmorIkl68

adamt
09-23-2011, 10:21 PM
there are some pretty funny vids about mens bathroom etiquette

VCURamFan
12-03-2011, 03:04 AM
Here's a few I've been holding onto:

Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting a historical war bunker when I accidentally let rip a small fart. My boyfriend responded with a horribly loud, horrendous fart, and loudly announced, "This is war." There were people, lots of people. FML

Today, my dogs broke through our electric fence, one of whom managed to get his collar off. I picked it up and, without thinking, went across the fence line. I screamed like a chihuahua being run over by a bulldozer. FML

Today, at work, an overweight man riding an electric cart started peeing all around the store. I had to clean it up. FML

Today, my boyfriend discovered that I fart when I'm tickled enough. The best part was when he decided to show his family. FML

VCURamFan
12-09-2011, 08:29 PM
More

Today, I drank a fifth of vodka before I took my political science final. My professor later called me to tell me that I had written "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" to every essay question. FMLhttp://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/fmylife/~4/m3VH9wsHzNo
Today, I saw my neighbor's Christmas tree they had put up on their porch, with decorative presents under it. Being that my neighbors hate me, I figured I would take a present to piss them off. While walking back home with the present, I opened it. Inside it read "I knew you would, d***** bag." FML
Today, I took my daughter to see Santa at the mall. When I went to pick her up from Santa's lap, my watch snagged on his beard, pulling it off in front of my daughter and about twenty kids in line. My daughter still isn't speaking to me. FML

Today, my girlfriend left me. Knowing that I am a germaphobe, she took all of my cleaning supplies and spread mud and trash everywhere. FMLhttp://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/fmylife/~4/BmcuxymNT8M

Today, my dog took a dump beside the air intake for our furnace. The house now smells like dog crap. FMLhttp://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/fmylife/~4/-ZEPMRlvTVs
Today, my family took me to a steak house. I went for an eight minute bathroom break, coming back to an empty table. They ordered dessert, and left me the bill. I'm a vegetarian, and it's my birthday. FML
Today, I took my kids to the mall to see Santa. While waiting in line, my eldest got bored and loudly complained, "I don't know why we're here. Santa's not even real." I don't think any of the kids within a hundred feet took the news very well. FML