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BamaGrits84
04-12-2011, 06:45 PM
I just saw an interesting bit on Headline News about if it is better for relationship to let each other "look". The news anchor said it is something you "give up" at marriage almost like he considered it to be a punishment. Most of the people interviewed off the streets say "I know who he/she is coming home to." What do you think?

TexasRN
04-12-2011, 09:21 PM
I just saw an interesting bit on Headline News about if it is better for relationship to let each other "look". The news anchor said it is something you "give up" at marriage almost like he considered it to be a punishment. Most of the people interviewed off the streets say "I know who he/she is coming home to." What do you think?


Define "look." I notice attractive people around me just like I notice pretty flowers around me. :)


~Amy

Chuck
04-12-2011, 09:25 PM
I just saw an interesting bit on Headline News about if it is better for relationship to let each other "look". The news anchor said it is something you "give up" at marriage almost like he considered it to be a punishment. Most of the people interviewed off the streets say "I know who he/she is coming home to." What do you think?

I'm not sure I understand your question? I know you're a believer so are you asking if it's ok as a Christian in a committed marriage to look at someone of the opposite sex?

I have thoughts on the issue... but I want to make sure I understand your question first. :wink:

BamaGrits84
04-12-2011, 09:26 PM
Define "look." I notice attractive people around me just like I notice pretty flowers around me. :)


~Amy

I don't know exactly.

For example: Women allow and even go with their husbands to the camp grounds at Talladega knowing the women after beads are going to be out in full forces. That bothers me. TV and movies when you have no idea before hand what might be shown is not looking.

I guess the difference would be finding someone to look at as opposed to someone breifly crossing your path and noticing they are attractive.

BamaGrits84
04-12-2011, 09:27 PM
I'm not sure I understand your question? I know you're a believer so are you asking if it's ok as a Christian in a committed marriage to look at someone of the opposite sex?

I have thoughts on the issue... but I want to make sure I understand your question first. :wink:

I have my thoughts as a Christian woman, but that is not really what I was asking. I just wonder how big a deal is it to you if you notice your spouse checking someone else out.

Miss Foxy
04-12-2011, 09:45 PM
As long as he don't look like a mean ol' pervert I don't care. Really I have the open door policy if you don't like me or want someone else the door will NOT hit you on the back so kick rocks...There's no shortage of men and I don't mind dating and having fun with the wrong ones til my Mr. Right arrives..
I don't like to look or feel insecure most men are turned off by that.. Confidence is sexy!!
My lover stares at me with his pretty blue eyes. Gosh I don't want him to leave... :(

Twinsmama
04-12-2011, 09:49 PM
Everyone looks. I prefer quick glances. if i were to see my husband staring i would be mad. I also wouldn't stare at someone. if a look is all you need then i think it should be a quick glance. I am also weird about staring becuase i wouldn't want anyone seeing my husbnad standing next to me staring at someone else. or worse the hot girl see my husband staring at her when i'm right there. i've seen guys staring at me before and they were with their girls and i just thought to myself what a piece of crap. (okay it probably only happened once:laugh:)

i am guilty of pointing out the hotties to my husband though. but he better look quickly.:laugh:

i'm sure he does the same when i'm not aroung (yeah i'm rolling my eyes)

i've known a few dirt bag guys and staring catches the girls attention and then that leads elsewhere. i don't want my husbnad to look like a dirtbag.

I have different rules for my friends we hang with.

County Mike
04-13-2011, 11:08 AM
It doesn't matter where you get your appetite as long as you eat at home.

surveyorshawn
04-13-2011, 12:52 PM
From experience, it's a bad idea, and over time can gradually lead farther. Other than noticing that someone is attractive in passing (you can't help who walks past you & what they look like), a quick 2nd glance can lead to a 3rd, a stare, lust, etc. From a Christian perspective, "He who is unfaithful in little will be unfaithful in much"

Dethbob
04-13-2011, 12:55 PM
This advice comes from the same people who recommend porn or an affair to spice up a marriage. Even for non-Christians, it should be common sense that you can not outsource intimacy. A glance may be harmless, but staring at someone’s butt and certainly encouraging your significant other to do so is not a plan for a successful relationship. We really have to be careful where we’re getting advice.

Chuck
04-13-2011, 02:54 PM
For example: Women allow and even go with their husbands to the camp grounds at Talladega knowing the women after beads are going to be out in full forces. That bothers me. TV and movies when you have no idea before hand what might be shown is not looking.

I guess the difference would be finding someone to look at as opposed to someone breifly crossing your path and noticing they are attractive.
Bingo. It's one thing to notice an attractive person of the opposite sex, it's something entirely different to go out of your way to look at them.


I have my thoughts as a Christian woman, but that is not really what I was asking. I just wonder how big a deal is it to you if you notice your spouse checking someone else out.
You hit on this in your response above.. I don't mind noticing but "checking out" is not a good idea. Not from a position of insecurity but rather from potential threats in the future.


From experience, it's a bad idea, and over time can gradually lead farther. Other than noticing that someone is attractive in passing (you can't help who walks past you & what they look like), a quick 2nd glance can lead to a 3rd, a stare, lust, etc. From a Christian perspective, "He who is unfaithful in little will be unfaithful in much"
Excellent post.



TRUE STORY: I lead a small group for men each week and lust and temptation are something we cover on a regular basis. Sometimes it's a study and others it just comes up during normal conversation. We were talking about looking at woman one day and I was explaining to the guys that they shouldn't feel guilty for noticing a pretty woman. After all we do live in Florida so there are ALWAYS women in skimpy outfits everywhere. So looking at a pretty woman and acknowledging she's pretty is ok. Leering and letting an acknowledgment turn to lust is what gets us in trouble. So I tell the guys "that first look is often unavoidable so just bounce your eyes quickly and carry on with what you're doing". Well this one guy who hardly ever speaks asks me "Chuck, I know that a 2nd and 3rd look is bad but is there anything in the Bible about how long that first look can last?" :laugh:

BamaGrits84
04-13-2011, 03:50 PM
As we have accepted we cannot prevent attractive people from coming within our line of sight. I have a problem if it is sought after, if a comment follows, or if a second glance is given.

When I was a little girl I asked my mom how did she know my dad loved her and she told me it wasn't that he made her feel like the only woman in the world, but rather that he made her feel like she was the only important woman to him. Honestly I think the second look takes away from the idea that only our spouse's appeal to us is important.

Some women and men can take it like it is nothing. I'm not really one of those types. While I'm not likely to saw anything over the second glance it is hurtful and that in itself should be enough of a reason for it to not happen. God knows if my husband caught my giving some guy's crotch a first or second glance it would hit the fan.

County Mike
04-13-2011, 05:38 PM
God knows if my husband caught my giving some guy's crotch a first or second glance it would hit the fan.

His crotch would hit the fan? That's a little extreme. You're the one doing the gawking!

BamaGrits84
04-13-2011, 05:48 PM
His crotch would hit the fan? That's a little extreme. You're the one doing the gawking!

I figured everyone would get the "it" was missing the sh in this case. :Whistle:

VCURamFan
04-13-2011, 08:14 PM
I figured everyone would get the "it" was missing the sh in this case. :Whistle:
I beleive the currently acceptable slang-replacement is "ish", as in "Awwww, yeah, dat's my ish right there!"

BamaGrits84
04-13-2011, 08:24 PM
I beleive the currently acceptable slang-replacement is "ish", as in "Awwww, yeah, dat's my ish right there!"

OMG how could the other moms in car pool and PTA not let me know I wasn't hip on the latest slang!

rearnakedchoke
04-13-2011, 08:55 PM
I beleive the currently acceptable slang-replacement is "ish", as in "Awwww, yeah, dat's my ish right there!"

this is correct ...

as for looking .. looking and lusting are two different things ... you can't help but notice people who are attractive .. just like you notice a nice looking car .. but i think this about draws the line ..
http://guidosblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/guidos-guidettes-the-situation.gif

Chuck
04-14-2011, 12:23 AM
this is correct ...

as for looking .. looking and lusting are two different things ... you can't help but notice people who are attractive .. just like you notice a nice looking car .. but i think this about draws the line ..
http://guidosblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/guidos-guidettes-the-situation.gif

I think they were checking out a guy. :wink:

VCURamFan
04-14-2011, 02:11 AM
I think they were checking out a guy. :wink:

What can I say? I look good in Daisy Dukes. :cool:

Chuck
04-14-2011, 03:00 AM
What can I say? I look good in Daisy Dukes. :cool:

Agreed. :ninja:

Neezar
04-14-2011, 03:56 AM
I don't mind my husband looking, commenting, or even flirting sometimes......

Neezar
04-14-2011, 03:58 AM
.....As long as he keeps taking out my trash, mowing my lawn, washing my car, etc.

I better not ever catch him working at someone else's house. :angry:


:laugh:

flo
04-14-2011, 04:40 AM
I don't mind my husband looking, commenting, or even flirting sometimes......

.....As long as he keeps taking out my trash, mowing my lawn, washing my car, etc.

I better not ever catch him working at someone else's house. :angry:


:laugh:

:laugh::laugh: I didn't expect that second part!

County Mike
04-14-2011, 11:23 AM
.....As long as he keeps taking out my trash, mowing my lawn, washing my car, etc.

I better not ever catch him working at someone else's house. :angry:


:laugh:

LOL

Twinsmama
04-14-2011, 01:17 PM
.....As long as he keeps taking out my trash, mowing my lawn, washing my car, etc.

I better not ever catch him working at someone else's house. :angry:


:laugh:

:laugh::laugh:

that's makes me laugh and sad at the same time because my brother is constantly working on other women's cars at their house while his wife and 4 kids are at home. yes obviously i know what that means but his wife it so dumb she thinks the girls brakes keep going out.

County Mike
04-14-2011, 01:21 PM
Maybe he's adjusting their headlights.

flo
04-14-2011, 05:18 PM
Yeah...adjusting their headlights...that's the ticket...

http://img200.imageshack.us/img200/9195/boobcar.jpg (http://img200.imageshack.us/i/boobcar.jpg/)

Play The Man
04-16-2011, 01:58 AM
I think it is disrespectful to one's spouse. Flirting is especially egregious.