View Full Version : Top 5 Fighters Most Likely To Survive An Alien Apocalypse

04-02-2011, 01:47 PM

You know they’re coming. I know they’re coming. Perhaps they’ve been here all along, or maybe they’ve been spying on us for decades. They could want our water, or it could be their one weakness. They could come in peace, or they could just as easily come to kill us all. Aliens, my friends. The truth is out there, but the real question is: what do we do with that knowledge? In order to prepare us all for the inevitable, here are the top five fighters I believe could survive an alien apocalypse.

5. Randy Couture

Couture is a perennial entry in my “Apocalypse” lists, and for good reason. The man is so versatile, I think he could survive whatever horror my imagination feels like throwing at him. In most alien movies, there’s always that one grizzled veteran that everyone respects, the one that helps lead the rebels to victory and overcome the alien masses. Plus, Couture earns an immediate spot on this list for his ability to recruit the other members of “The Expendables”, which would undoubtedly and quickly become the most savage, most vicious, most notorious anti-alien team on the face of the planet. Picture “Inglourious Basterds”, except with aliens. And Sylvester Stallone. That’s what will happen if Randy Couture is thrust into an alien apocalypse.

4. Brock Lesnar

In most alien films that involve the aliens taking over, there’s always that one big action scene where the imprisoned humans stage an outbreak and score the first concrete victory for humanity. Normally it’s the hero of the film that gets all the credit, but there’s usually a hulking, usually-silent behemoth there to help him. Brock Lesnar could be that hulking behemoth. Whether it’s holding something open so the prisoners can escape or saving the hero in the nick of time by pulverizing an alien’s brains between two giant fists, Lesnar would be two hundred and sixty-five pounds of pure humanity-saving muscle.

3. Dana White

Who said you had to be on the human’s side to survive an alien apocalypse? Dana White is the king of the shocking deal: we never thought he’d buy PRIDE and he did, we never thought he’d buy Strikeforce and he did. In the new world of alien domination, I can definitely see Dana White staying alive by negotiating with the aliens and ensuring his survival by trying to lead humanity to its doom. Everyone vilifies Dana White already, so I’m sure I’m not the only one that thinks that White would be humanity’s Benedict Arnold, working together with the alien overlords to ensure his continued survival while at the same time ensuring humanity’s destruction.

2. Bruce Buffer

There isn’t a single “alien apocalypse” movie I can think of that doesn’t feature some grand motivational speech somewhere in the course of the movie. And who better to give that speech than Bruce Buffer? Buffer practically explodes with energy and all he does is announce who’s fighting. Buffer would probably give himself a heart attack if he had to rally humanity against its evil alien overlords. But before he did, he would probably give the best pre-fight rallying speech in history. Just picture him screaming “IT’S TIME” to a couple thousand eager rebels and try not to get goosebumps. And if Buffer does survive such a speech without his head exploding, he’d certainly be the go-to motivational speaker for the entire resurgent human race.

And the number-one fighter I think would be most likely to survive an alien apocalypse is…

1. Phil Davis

Look at this man. Really look at him.


Does that man look human? No? Well, there’s a reason for that: it’s because he’s not. Phil Davis is an alien, and in an alien apocalypse he would be the good alien that all the bad aliens try to eliminate. And just when you think all hope is lost for “Mr. Wonderful”, the cavalry arrives: an army of Phil Davis alien clones. That’s right, not only is Phil Davis an alien, he’s his own alien race. Alien clone Phil Davis army: humanity’s greatest weapon.

04-02-2011, 02:05 PM

That's hilarious. And true.


04-02-2011, 06:47 PM
This thread is EPIC!!


04-06-2011, 09:48 PM

04-07-2011, 04:19 PM
Love it! :laugh: