PDA

View Full Version : Mom Makes Kids Work Corner Over Grades


BamaGrits84
02-19-2011, 05:10 PM
From FoxNews.com

Mother Forces Son to Hold 'Honk if I Need Education' Sign

A Florida mom is forcing her son to stand on a Tampa Bay street corner this week and wear a sign to tell drivers about his poor school grades.

With his mother watching nearby, James Holder, 15, wears a sign that reads “I did four questions on my FCAT and said I wasn't going to do it…GPA 1.22…honk if I need education."

The mother, Ronda Holder, told MyFoxTampaBay.com that nothing has worked yet to improve her son’s grades, including taking his cell phone away.

"Until he straightens up his grades and gets his education on track, he's going to work that corner," she said.

She added that she hoped other parents would take notice of her son and not have to worry about their own children doing the same thing.

I love this!

County Mike
02-19-2011, 05:13 PM
Or she could get him a tutor instead and actually help him.

adamt
02-19-2011, 05:19 PM
Or she could get him a tutor instead and actually help him.

i think the point is he isn't trying, he has teachers....

i doubt it is the kid's intelligence that is in question, it is his attitude

BamaGrits84
02-19-2011, 05:27 PM
Or she could get him a tutor instead and actually help him.

If I didn't have a child that was so unmotivated I would agree. Some kids fail to be responsible for their work and it reflects in their grades.

Bonnie
02-19-2011, 06:22 PM
She's probably trying to shame him, but it's probably not going to work with him. She ought to really put him to work doing the dirtiest grungiest work she can find. No cell, no tv, no video games, etc... He should have to earn those things now. In fact, every kid should; they get way too much nowadays and totally take it for granted.

rockdawg21
02-19-2011, 06:43 PM
At least he's a boy holding a sign. I'd hate to read how she would have her daughter work the corner.

bradwright
02-19-2011, 07:02 PM
it just shows me her lack of parenting skills.

BamaGrits84
02-19-2011, 07:08 PM
it just shows me her lack of parenting skills.

How so?

I find the opposite. She is being resourceful after traditional punishment as not worked on him. Lack of parenting would be just letting him fail, IMO.

As I said earlier, I have a very smart son who tends to want to do the bare minimum to get by. In a regular school that might cut it, but since he is in a magnet school the work load is heavy and it doesn't. As kids get older there is less direct communitcation with parents knowing assignments and when test are because kids have to start being responsible.

NateR
02-19-2011, 07:22 PM
She ought to really put him to work doing the dirtiest grungiest work she can find.

I like that idea. Basically tell him, "If you don't work to get a good education, then THIS is the best you will be able to hope for in life."

Sometimes, overly-willful children need to have their spirits broken and it's better that that be done by someone who loves them (like a mother) than by someone who really doesn't give a crap about them (like a future employer). Because life will break them eventually, but the real question is who will be around to pick up the pieces? Hopefully, it's a parent demonstrating tough love.

bradwright
02-19-2011, 08:12 PM
How so?

I find the opposite. She is being resourceful after traditional punishment as not worked on him. Lack of parenting would be just letting him fail, IMO.

As I said earlier, I have a very smart son who tends to want to do the bare minimum to get by. In a regular school that might cut it, but since he is in a magnet school the work load is heavy and it doesn't. As kids get older there is less direct communitcation with parents knowing assignments and when test are because kids have to start being responsible.

traditional punishment ?

if you have to punish your children all the time to motivate them then you have been doing things wrong from the beginning.

i have a son and from his very first breath i took my parental responsibility very seriously and he came first before anything else in our family.

i grew up with a father that liked to punish his children and without going into detail i can tell you that doesn't work most of the time...it only gained him resentment....not results.

i used different methods then my father and my son turned out great,he graduated high school on the honor roll and never once needed to be punished to help him accomplish that.

flo
02-19-2011, 08:15 PM
i think the point is he isn't trying, he has teachers....

i doubt it is the kid's intelligence that is in question, it is his attitude

Yup, and at least she's trying something. I've occasionally thought that a return to humiliation might work wonders these days. We could start with politicians in public stocks.

Anyway, I hope it works and he starts taking his education seriously.

BamaGrits84
02-19-2011, 08:44 PM
traditional punishment ?

if you have to punish your children all the time to motivate them then you have been doing things wrong from the beginning.
i have a son and from his very first breath i took my parental responsibility very seriously and he came first before anything else in our family.

i grew up with a father that liked to punish his children and without going into detail i can tell you that doesn't work most of the time...it only gained him resentment....not results.

i used different methods then my father and my son turned out great,he graduated high school on the honor roll and never once needed to be punished to help him accomplish that.

I almost find that generalization funny.

Also, I once heard James Dodson make the point that making kids the center of the family is a bad idea because they grow up and face the reality that they are in fact not the center of the world and most relationships they will have as adults will not revolve around them.

My kids know I love them, but they also know I'm the adult and while I respect their feelings I do not have to base all my decisions on them. It is ok if they don't like the calls I make. Their needs and most of their wants get met first, but they know they don't run our house - mom and dad do.

bradwright
02-19-2011, 08:58 PM
I almost find that generalization funny.

Also, I once heard James Dodson make the point that making kids the center of the family is a bad idea because they grow up and face the reality that they are in fact not the center of the world and most relationships they will have as adults will not revolve around them.

My kids know I love them, but they also know I'm the adult and while I respect their feelings I do not have to base all my decisions on them. It is ok if they don't like the calls I make. Their needs and most of their wants get met first, but they know they don't run our house - mom and dad do.

you have no idea how i raised my son but i know how you are raising your children and i find that not so much funny as sad.

if you truely knew how to treat your children you wouldn't have to use punishment.

and my son was never the center of anything...thats where you dont understand.

Bonnie
02-19-2011, 10:43 PM
traditional punishment ?

if you have to punish your children all the time to motivate them then you have been doing things wrong from the beginning.

i have a son and from his very first breath i took my parental responsibility very seriously and he came first before anything else in our family.

i grew up with a father that liked to punish his children and without going into detail i can tell you that doesn't work most of the time...it only gained him resentment....not results.

i used different methods then my father and my son turned out great,he graduated high school on the honor roll and never once needed to be punished to help him accomplish that.

I think Bama got that idea from when you said the "bolded" above. Me too. :unsure-1:

So, share your methods with us; maybe it is something that others might try. :)

adamt
02-19-2011, 11:03 PM
i also would like to point out that everyone doesn't have to be educated


some people are happy doing uneducated work

maybe the kid is good at art or music, instead of getting him a tutor, i'd be getting him some paint or guitar

some people are meant for the arts, some for science, some for construction, and some for grunt work


i have never used calculus, telling me i would was a lie

NateR
02-19-2011, 11:11 PM
you have no idea how i raised my son but i know how you are raising your children and i find that not so much funny as sad.

if you truely knew how to treat your children you wouldn't have to use punishment.

and my son was never the center of anything...thats where you dont understand.

Wow. Condescending and judgmental much? :blink: Your insulting tone towards anyone who disagrees with you recently is pushing you very close into the "troll" category. Your days on this forum might be numbered and I don't think anyone will miss you based on your current attitude.

I think any parent of more than one kid will tell you that no two kids are alike. What works for one kid will rarely work exactly the same for another kid. I learned this just from growing up with a brother who required constant discipline while I could pretty much be left alone and rarely got myself into trouble.

Besides putting your child first is the recipe for an unhappy marriage. Your spouse needs to be first and the children second and your kids need to understand that. I agree with Bamagrits, if children grow up believing themselves to be the center of the world, that's a sign of poor parenting. Because you've then done a terrible job of preparing them for the realities of the outside world.

NateR
02-19-2011, 11:14 PM
i also would like to point out that everyone doesn't have to be educated

I agree. A good education and good health are secondary to raising children who love and fear GOD.

rockdawg21
02-19-2011, 11:24 PM
The caller to Chatterbox radio station on Grand Theft Auto 3 has a good solution! Start at 1:57 and listen to 4:30:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0Ww3iBqa7k

:laugh:

County Mike
02-19-2011, 11:34 PM
From my own observations, I've found that most people who think they never have to discipline their kids have really bratty kids.

Bonnie
02-19-2011, 11:36 PM
The caller to Chatterbox radio station on Grand Theft Auto 3 has a good solution! Start at 1:57 and listen to 4:30:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0Ww3iBqa7k

:laugh:

:laugh:

"Little johnny--he's only gone to bed hungry, 20...30 times". :laugh:

Chris F
02-20-2011, 12:04 AM
Or she could get him a tutor instead and actually help him.

I had 1.2 GPA in high school and I did not need help I was just stone cold lazy. I took the ACT got a 27. So without know this kids ability this would be a tough call. As easy as public schools are anymore he is no doubt just lazy

rockdawg21
02-20-2011, 12:16 AM
:laugh:

"Little johnny--he's only gone to bed hungry, 20...30 times". :laugh:
Those are the best radio stations on the GTA series. The callers are all nuts!

bradwright
02-20-2011, 12:25 AM
Wow. Condescending and judgmental much? :blink: Your insulting tone towards anyone who disagrees with you recently is pushing you very close into the "troll" category. Your days on this forum might be numbered and I don't think anyone will miss you based on your current attitude.

I think any parent of more than one kid will tell you that no two kids are alike. What works for one kid will rarely work exactly the same for another kid. I learned this just from growing up with a brother who required constant discipline while I could pretty much be left alone and rarely got myself into trouble.

Besides putting your child first is the recipe for an unhappy marriage. Your spouse needs to be first and the children second and your kids need to understand that. I agree with Bamagrits, if children grow up believing themselves to be the center of the world, that's a sign of poor parenting. Because you've then done a terrible job of preparing them for the realities of the outside world.

you Nate are by far one of the worst offenders when it comes to being condescending and judgemental...but think what ever you want.

nobody but you and Bamagrits said anything about a child being the center of the world.

as far as my condescending attitude go's...well when she insulted me i insulted her back.

rockdawg21
02-20-2011, 12:42 AM
Besides putting your child first is the recipe for an unhappy marriage. Your spouse needs to be first and the children second and your kids need to understand that. I agree with Bamagrits, if children grow up believing themselves to be the center of the world, that's a sign of poor parenting. Because you've then done a terrible job of preparing them for the realities of the outside world.
Which explains why you go to any store and children run around like undisciplined brats while the parents stand around and do nothing. I can't believe how many times I have to give a dirty look to a mother or father just to get them to do what they already should have been doing for years.

bradwright
02-20-2011, 01:28 AM
I think Bama got that idea from when you said the "bolded" above. Me too. :unsure-1:

So, share your methods with us; maybe it is something that others might try. :)

the problem with having children is a lot of people go at it like its a part time job when in reality parenting should be a 100% commitment from the time the child is born until he or she has grown into an adult and is ready for the world on their own.

i will give you some examples but to tell you how to implement it on someone elses child would require me to get to know and understand that child in every detail possible...in essence becoming their parent.

before my son started kindergarten he could already read,count,ad and subtract and do multiplication and he learned all of this without hardly ever reading a book or picking up a pencil.

i took the time to interact with him in fun ways that i knew he would enjoy because i took the time to get to know him.

when ever he wanted to do something or have something i wasn't willing to allow i sat down with him and explained the reasons why in detail until he understood,it wasn't a lecture it was a discussion and believe me it works a lot better then just saying no.

i never once hit him or spanked him or sent him to his room or punished him in anyway....when he did something i didn't like i talked to him about it in great detail.

I know you must find this void of any substance but Bonnie if i said i wasn't a word smith that could be considered the understatement of the year as everyone here knows so that is why i have trouble transferring my thoughts to written words.

my road as a parent encompassed the things i have mentioned but also so much more.

when i said my son was the most important thing in my life i meant it,i had an obligation to help him grow into the finest person he could be and what i wanted for myself would have to take a back seat to my obligations....i didn't mean i would make him the center of attention i meant i would make his well being the center of attention.


having said all that i will also say he turned out pretty well...he is 21 years old now and is looking to buy his first house this fall.

he never did get any sort of post secondary education...he weighed all his options and decided he didn't need it at this point in his life...maybe in the future he will change his mind but for now he is doing well.


one thing i will say is you reap what you sow.
if you want live as a dictator and put fear into the hearts of your children then when they begin to rebel you shouldn't really be surprised.

NateR
02-20-2011, 02:35 AM
the problem with having children is a lot of people go at it like its a part time job when in reality parenting should be a 100% commitment from the time the child is born until he or she has grown into an adult and is ready for the world on their own.

i will give you some examples but to tell you how to implement it on someone elses child would require me to get to know and understand that child in every detail possible...in essence becoming their parent.

before my son started kindergarten he could already read,count,ad and subtract and do multiplication and he learned all of this without hardly ever reading a book or picking up a pencil.

i took the time to interact with him in fun ways that i knew he would enjoy because i took the time to get to know him.

when ever he wanted to do something or have something i wasn't willing to allow i sat down with him and explained the reasons why in detail until he understood,it wasn't a lecture it was a discussion and believe me it works a lot better then just saying no.

i never once hit him or spanked him or sent him to his room or punished him in anyway....when he did something i didn't like i talked to him about it in great detail.

I know you must find this void of any substance but Bonnie if i said i wasn't a word smith that could be considered the understatement of the year as everyone here knows so that is why i have trouble transferring my thoughts to written words.

my road as a parent encompassed the things i have mentioned but also so much more.

when i said my son was the most important thing in my life i meant it,i had an obligation to help him grow into the finest person he could be and what i wanted for myself would have to take a back seat to my obligations....i didn't mean i would make him the center of attention i meant i would make his well being the center of attention.


having said all that i will also say he turned out pretty well...he is 21 years old now and is looking to buy his first house this fall.

he never did get any sort of post secondary education...he weighed all his options and decided he didn't need it at this point in his life...maybe in the future he will change his mind but for now he is doing well.


one thing i will say is you reap what you sow.
if you want live as a dictator and put fear into the hearts of your children then when they begin to rebel you shouldn't really be surprised.

How many children have you had?

bradwright
02-20-2011, 02:37 AM
How many children have you had?

i have one child Nate.

NateR
02-20-2011, 02:46 AM
i have one child Nate.

Well, that's great that you managed to find the parenting style that works for your child, but I'm pretty sure that parents of multiple children can tell you that every child is different and there isn't one parenting style that works across the board for all children. It seems a little arrogant of you to be condemning every other parent based solely on the experiences you've had raising your one child.

bradwright
02-20-2011, 02:48 AM
Well, that's great that you managed to find the parenting style that works for your child, but I'm pretty sure that parents of multiple children can tell you that every child is different and there isn't one parenting style that works across the board for all children. It seems a little arrogant of you to be condemning every other parent based solely on the experiences you've had raising your one child.

how many children do you have Nate ?

Chris F
02-20-2011, 02:52 AM
Well, that's great that you managed to find the parenting style that works for your child, but I'm pretty sure that parents of multiple children can tell you that every child is different and there isn't one parenting style that works across the board for all children. It seems a little arrogant of you to be condemning every other parent based solely on the experiences you've had raising your one child.

I have more than one kid and they are not all the same. We had to develop differnt ways to deal with them on their own level. They know they are nto the center of the universe because I am :laugh:

flo
02-20-2011, 02:54 AM
I'm glad that worked for you, Brad.

However, as one of five children, I can tell you that none of us siblings were the same, even though mom & dad raised us in the same manner.

(Although by the time #5 rolled along, my older sister and I thought they were tired out by then and not so hard on the "baby".)

We got spanked. None of us turned out to be abusive or violent people and we all have good jobs and happy marriages.

flo
02-20-2011, 02:58 AM
And this is speaking as the second eldest, one of the 2 hellraisers of the bunch.

Now I'm pretty sedate but I sure put my folks through a lot back in my teens and early 20s.

bradwright
02-20-2011, 03:04 AM
Well, that's great that you managed to find the parenting style that works for your child, but I'm pretty sure that parents of multiple children can tell you that every child is different and there isn't one parenting style that works across the board for all children. It seems a little arrogant of you to be condemning every other parent based solely on the experiences you've had raising your one child.

parenting Nate(as i said) requires you to take the time to fully understand your child...if you dont take the time to truly understand what makes your child tick that may serve you in good times but will fail you miserably in trying times and that is what happens to people when they resort to the type of things this parent did....and she only did it because she didn't understand her child and there for didn't know how to deal with him.

Chris F
02-20-2011, 03:22 AM
parenting Nate(as i said) requires you to take the time to fully understand your child...if you dont take the time to truly understand what makes your child tick that may serve you in good times but will fail you miserably in trying times and that is what happens to people when they resort to the type of things this parent did....and she only did it because she didn't understand her child and there for didn't know how to deal with him.

Wow Brad are you a mind reader? You do not know this family from Adam or eve so stop trying to push your persoal set of morals onto this ladies trial. This may very well work for her child because she knows him well enough to use it. How are your kid BTW? I think what she did if it works genius. My kids would ham it up and act like they were selling time shares on the 405 freeway. So this would not work for my kids. Good parenting is being the parent not the friend.

NateR
02-20-2011, 03:25 AM
parenting Nate(as i said) requires you to take the time to fully understand your child...if you dont take the time to truly understand what makes your child tick that may serve you in good times but will fail you miserably in trying times and that is what happens to people when they resort to the type of things this parent did....and she only did it because she didn't understand her child and there for didn't know how to deal with him.

Yeah, but some kids need physical discipline (spanking), it's just the way they're wired. I know I responded extremely well to spanking and I was never a rebellious kid at all, because the threat of a spanking was enough of a deterrent to keep me in line. My brother? Not so much. :laugh: It seemed that the more he got spanked the more he misbehaved.

I've had 0 children as you know. However, I know that it is the sin nature that we are all born with, that is the root of misbehaving, disobedience and rebellion. So even the best of parents can have an unruly child, because every child is born defective and corrupted (except for Jesus Christ).

It's also great that you were able to spend so much time with your son to get to know him; but I think that's a luxury that comes from having only one child. Parents of multiple children don't necessarily have the time to devote to each kid individually, especially when they still have to work to put food on the table and keep a roof over everyone's head.

bradwright
02-20-2011, 03:32 AM
I'm glad that worked for you, Brad.

However, as one of five children, I can tell you that none of us siblings were the same, even though mom & dad raised us in the same manner.

(Although by the time #5 rolled along, my older sister and I thought they were tired out by then and not so hard on the "baby".)

We got spanked. None of us turned out to be abusive or violent people and we all have good jobs and happy marriages.

i was one of 6 children Flo and none of us were the same either but we did have one thing in common....we all just wanted to be happy but lived in a place that made that virtually impossible.

getting spanked around our place would have been a welcome change.

i spent most of my youth being scared of my father....not something a child should have to go through.
i quit school when i was 16 got a job and moved out just to get away from it all and i vowed i would never treat my children that way and i would do everything in my power to help them succeed in life.

and although everybody thinks i'm some sort of nut job one thing i do know is....no matter what you do in life you will only get out of it what you are willing to put into it...and being a good parent to your child or children is no exception.

bradwright
02-20-2011, 03:34 AM
Wow Brad are you a mind reader? You do not know this family from Adam or eve so stop trying to push your persoal set of morals onto this ladies trial. This may very well work for her child because she knows him well enough to use it. How are your kid BTW? I think what she did if it works genius. My kids would ham it up and act like they were selling time shares on the 405 freeway. So this would not work for my kids. Good parenting is being the parent not the friend.

that in my opinion is border line child abuse.
i think humiliating your children to get results is just wrong.

bradwright
02-20-2011, 03:45 AM
Yeah, but some kids need physical discipline (spanking), it's just the way they're wired. I know I responded extremely well to spanking and I was never a rebellious kid at all, because the threat of a spanking was enough of a deterrent to keep me in line. My brother? Not so much. :laugh: It seemed that the more he got spanked the more he misbehaved.

I've had 0 children as you know. However, I know that it is the sin nature that we are all born with, that is the root of misbehaving, disobedience and rebellion. So even the best of parents can have an unruly child, because every child is born defective and corrupted (except for Jesus Christ).

It's also great that you were able to spend so much time with your son to get to know him; but I think that's a luxury that comes from having only one child. Parents of multiple children don't necessarily have the time to devote to each kid individually, especially when they still have to work to put food on the table and keep a roof over everyone's head.


your right Nate i was very lucky to be able to spend so much time with my son and i also know you are right as well when you say having multiple children doesn't allow a person that luxury...and one thing i can tell you from my experience is if i did have more then one child Curtis (thats my sons name) probably would have been worse for it.
we would have had 2 but my wife miscarried and due to complications that was the end of that.

flo
02-20-2011, 03:48 AM
i was one of 6 children Flo and none of us were the same either but we did have one thing in common....we all just wanted to be happy but lived in a place that made that virtually impossible.

getting spanked around our place would have been a welcome change.

i spent most of my youth being scared of my father....not something a child should have to go through.
i quit school when i was 16 got a job and moved out just to get away from it all and i vowed i would never treat my children that way and i would do everything in my power to help them succeed in life.

and although everybody thinks i'm some sort of nut job one thing i do know is....no matter what you do in life you will only get out of it what you are willing to put into it...and being a good parent to your child or children is no exception.

Thanks for sharing that, Brad. I can certainly understand why you would take the exact opposite tack with your own child. And you are blessed that it worked out!

That's awful what you had to endure, however. I don't think you're a nut job, not at all. But I think that there are many acceptable ways to raise children to be happy and productive people; in my humble opinion, corporal punishment (spanking) is an acceptable discipline if a parent chooses it.

bradwright
02-20-2011, 03:54 AM
Thanks for sharing that, Brad. I can certainly understand why you would take the exact opposite tack with your own child. And you are blessed that it worked out!

That's awful what you had to endure, however. I don't think you're a nut job, not at all. But I think that there are many acceptable ways to raise children to be happy and productive people; in my humble opinion, corporal punishment (spanking) is an acceptable discipline if a parent chooses it.

i would never condemn you Flo or anyone for that mater for spanking their children but i dont think humiliation is a productive tool to incorporate into someones parenting skill set.

flo
02-20-2011, 04:25 AM
Like Nate, I also don't have children.

But I have lots of opinions.

:)

bradwright
02-20-2011, 04:50 AM
Like Nate, I also don't have children.

But I have lots of opinions.

:)

and thats just fine to have lots of opinions.

rockdawg21
02-20-2011, 04:52 AM
Here's another caller on Chatterbox from GTA III who gives a good reason to spank your kids if they need it (start at 2:37 and listen until 3:39):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJT5CW8wbJM

:laugh:

Bonnie
02-20-2011, 05:37 AM
Brad, it sounds like the way you chose to raise Curtis worked out really well for him--21 and fixing to be a homeowner; that's pretty impressive. :cool:

I think there are a lot of wrong ways to discipline and raise children, but I don't think there is only one right way.

Neezar
02-20-2011, 05:59 AM
I whoop (not whip, whoop - lol ) the shyte outta my boys. They fear me.


:punch:




:laugh:

flo
02-20-2011, 06:21 AM
I kinda fear you, too.

:unsure-1:

flo
02-20-2011, 06:21 AM
J/K

:happydancing:

rockdawg21
02-20-2011, 08:04 AM
Here's another caller on Chatterbox from GTA III who gives a good reason to spank your kids if they need it (start at 2:37 and listen until 3:39):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJT5CW8wbJM

:laugh:
My dad once hit me so hard my spleen fell outta my ear, didn't do me no harm!

Jonlion
02-20-2011, 09:51 AM
Yeah, but some kids need physical discipline (spanking), it's just the way they're wired. I know I responded extremely well to spanking and I was never a rebellious kid at all, because the threat of a spanking was enough of a deterrent to keep me in line. My brother? Not so much. :laugh: It seemed that the more he got spanked the more he misbehaved.

I've had 0 children as you know. However, I know that it is the sin nature that we are all born with, that is the root of misbehaving, disobedience and rebellion. So even the best of parents can have an unruly child, because every child is born defective and corrupted (except for Jesus Christ).

It's also great that you were able to spend so much time with your son to get to know him; but I think that's a luxury that comes from having only one child. Parents of multiple children don't necessarily have the time to devote to each kid individually, especially when they still have to work to put food on the table and keep a roof over everyone's head.


I have been reflecting on this recently. My parents within reason have delivered my and my sibling the best possible upbringing. Not rich etc, but had everything I needed, was well disciplined, learnt manners etc, done well at school.

I am doing awesome now but I done some messed up things still as a Kid. I still have anger, I get riled and frustrated etc etc - can't blame that on my parents - its in me. Which sadly is from the fall.

Neezar
02-20-2011, 07:53 PM
I have seen kids from the same family turn out totally different.

I think that to solely put the blame on the parents is a cop out, an uneducated cop out.

You have kids that are brought up in the worst of conditions with perfect losers for parents that turn out to be wonderful adults. You have kids that grow up with a picture perfect childhood and become scum of the earth.

Once a child is old enough to make his own decisions then he has to take responsibilty for those decisions. Blaming his parents is doing the child and the parents an injustice.

bradwright
02-20-2011, 08:24 PM
I have seen kids from the same family turn out totally different.

I think that to solely put the blame on the parents is a cop out, an uneducated cop out.

You have kids that are brought up in the worst of conditions with perfect losers for parents that turn out to be wonderful adults. You have kids that grow up with a picture perfect childhood and become scum of the earth.

Once a child is old enough to make his own decisions then he has to take responsibilty for those decisions. Blaming his parents is doing the child and the parents an injustice.

and i think you are wrong....children become what they are taught to become and if the parents aren't doing their jobs then the kids get their influences from where ever...sometimes that works out and sometimes it doesn't....but what the heck its the easy way for some folks raise their children.

Neezar
02-20-2011, 08:37 PM
and i think you are wrong....children become what they are taught to become and if the parents aren't doing their jobs then the kids get their influences from where ever...sometimes that works out and sometimes it doesn't....but what the heck its the easy way for some folks raise their children.

I was going to address you personally and tell you that you were just lucky with you son. Yes, lucky. But I didn't because I do believe that parent's have an influence in a child's life and who they become. And I do believe that the more involved and the better their relationship then the more weight that influence will carry. So you deserve a huge amount of credit and respect. However, I also know that influence is all we have and not ultimate control. The child is the one that in the end that makes their own choices. You could have very well used the same tactics with another child to have it turn out much differently.

bradwright
02-20-2011, 08:52 PM
I was going to address you personally and tell you that you were just lucky with you son. Yes, lucky. But I didn't because I do believe that parent's have an influence in a child's life and who they become. And I do believe that the more involved and the better their relationship then the more weight that influence will carry. So you deserve a huge amount of credit and respect. However, I also know that influence is all we have and not ultimate control. The child is the one that in the end that makes their own choices. You could have very well used the same tactics with another child to have it turn out much differently.

but you did address me personaly...no one else here see's it like i do or if they agree they aren't bothering to say so.
besides when you threw in that uneducated dig i knew for sure you were talking to me.:wink:

and no Neezer i wasn't just lucky with my son....i find that the more work you put into something the less you have to rely on luck...is my son the greatest kid in the world ?...no,but he has all the tools he needs to make his way through life.

Neezar
02-20-2011, 08:57 PM
but you did address me personaly...no one else here see's it like i do or if they agree they aren't bothering to say so.
besides when you threw in that uneducated dig i knew for sure you were talking to me.:wink:



Not true. More than one person in this thread blamed or suggested that the parent's were at fault. And I said that people who believe that parent's are solely responsible are usually uneducated in that realm.




and no Neezer i wasn't just lucky with my son....i find that the more work you put into something the less you have to rely on luck...is my son the greatest kid in the world ?...no,but he has all the tools he needs to make his way through life.

I agree with this. That is why I didn't say you were just lucky in the first place. :wink:

Chris F
02-21-2011, 12:20 AM
that in my opinion is border line child abuse.
i think humiliating your children to get results is just wrong.

Not sure where you are from Brad but if I had to guess it would be costal or up North, because that there is the liberalist Yankee talk I heard on here in a long time. I know child abuse and find it persoanlly insulting, to those of us who were brutally absued, to be compared to a lvoing parent doing all they can to change their kid w/o phyiscal violence. I think you have a very warped since of abuse. I understand it is your opinion but as one who had the crap knocked outta me many times I find it to be a very wrong opinion.

bradwright
02-21-2011, 12:55 AM
Not sure where you are from Brad but if I had to guess it would be costal or up North, because that there is the liberalist Yankee talk I heard on here in a long time. I know child abuse and find it persoanlly insulting, to those of us who were brutally absued, to be compared to a lvoing parent doing all they can to change their kid w/o phyiscal violence. I think you have a very warped since of abuse. I understand it is your opinion but as one who had the crap knocked outta me many times I find it to be a very wrong opinion.

you had the crap knocked out of you many times and thats why you think parents humiliating children is okay ?

sorry for your difficult up bringing Chris but that is no reason to think this sort of thing is okay.

Chris F
02-21-2011, 01:03 AM
you had the crap knocked out of you many times and thats why you think parents humiliating children is okay ?

sorry for your difficult up bringing Chris but that is no reason to think this sort of thing is okay.

there is nothing this mom did that was wrong. What is wrong is to call it child abuse because you disagree with it. You have swallowed the self esteem gospel kool aid. When parent did more spaking we had a lot less devience, lot less school violence etc etc. Child abuse is letting your kid do whatever and trying to be their buddy, and physical violence that is more than a simple swat.

bradwright
02-21-2011, 01:16 AM
there is nothing this mom did that was wrong. What is wrong is to call it child abuse because you disagree with it. You have swallowed the self esteem gospel kool aid. When parent did more spaking we had a lot less devience, lot less school violence etc etc. Child abuse is letting your kid do whatever and trying to be their buddy, and physical violence that is more than a simple swat.

in my opinion humiliating your child in public is child abuse.

Chris F
02-21-2011, 01:51 AM
in my opinion humiliating your child in public is child abuse.

And speaking on behalf of all us kids who really face real abuse I say hogwash.

adamt
02-21-2011, 02:24 AM
in my opinion humiliating your child in public is child abuse.

in my opinion not trying hard in school is stealing

and not disciplining your kids is child abuse and treason

rockdawg21
02-21-2011, 02:54 AM
in my opinion not trying hard in school is stealing
Never thought of that, but I'd have to agree. Most countries don't have free education or any form of organized education. We are truly blessed to have free education and parents who don't teach that to their kids are stealing from the rest of us.

Neezar
02-21-2011, 01:18 PM
Never thought of that, but I'd have to agree. Most countries don't have free education or any form of organized education. We are truly blessed to have free education and parents who don't teach that to their kids are stealing from the rest of us.

Nothing is free. Everyone pays for public school. But that is a different thread. :laugh: I'm sure Adam would love it, too. lol


I do try to teach my kids to appreciate their education.

BamaGrits84
02-21-2011, 01:53 PM
you have no idea how i raised my son but i know how you are raising your children and i find that not so much funny as sad.

if you truely knew how to treat your children you wouldn't have to use punishment.

and my son was never the center of anything...thats where you dont understand.

I don't mean to be a b, but don't dare cross the line thinking you know jack about me as a parent. I could be a real b and tell you to be sure to tell your kid when he is in jail (since he will understand no concept of punishment) tell my son (the prosecutor) you kid kind of sort of knew me and maybe your kids will get a descent plea deal. But since I'm not interested in being a b, we'll just make my comments hypothetical...doesn't feel good to have someone belittle you as a parent does it?

BamaGrits84
02-21-2011, 01:59 PM
you Nate are by far one of the worst offenders when it comes to being condescending and judgemental...but think what ever you want.

nobody but you and Bamagrits said anything about a child being the center of the world.

as far as my condescending attitude go's...well when she insulted me i insulted her back.

"he came first before anything else in our family"

I replied this doing so, according to the words of a renouned family "expect" if you will, leads kids to thinking they are the center of the world. I didn't say you said yours ways. read my comments and take them for nothing more than exactly how they read.

BamaGrits84
02-21-2011, 02:02 PM
Which explains why you go to any store and children run around like undisciplined brats while the parents stand around and do nothing. I can't believe how many times I have to give a dirty look to a mother or father just to get them to do what they already should have been doing for years.

I always think the people around me think my husband and I are just mean parents because you won't let our kids just run around and act up in stores. Like me telling them "if you don't stay right beside me I'm going to pop you" makes me a horrible parents. It makes me a parent that doesn't want to lose a kid in the store and have a panic attack.

BamaGrits84
02-21-2011, 02:15 PM
Proverbs 23:13-14: "Withold not discipline from the child, for if you strike and punish him with the rod, he will not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell."

I'm sure my kids would pick a belt on their butts over an eternity in hell.

bradwright
02-21-2011, 02:36 PM
I don't mean to be a b, but don't dare cross the line thinking you know jack about me as a parent. I could be a real b and tell you to be sure to tell your kid when he is in jail (since he will understand no concept of punishment) tell my son (the prosecutor) you kid kind of sort of knew me and maybe your kids will get a descent plea deal. But since I'm not interested in being a b, we'll just make my comments hypothetical...doesn't feel good to have someone belittle you as a parent does it?

you started the whole insulting thing so maybe next time if you cant take it dont dish it out.

and i'm just curious...how would your son as a prosecutor help my son way up here in Canada with a plea deal ?

and BTW if beating your kids is the only way you know how to get results then....what else could you do .

Chuck
02-21-2011, 02:44 PM
i never once hit him or spanked him or sent him to his room or punished him in anyway....when he did something i didn't like i talked to him about it in great detail.
That's either a gross exaggeration or a flat out lie. Either way your child is in for a very painful future.

How on earth do you expect anybody on here to believe you can sit down and have rational conversations with a 2yr old? You talked about things in "great detail" to a toddler??? If you truly expect us to believe you raised your child without punishing him in any way then I would call that childhood abusive. Children NEED discipline. It's cowardly and irresponsible of a parent to shy away from that responsibility no matter how abusive their own childhood was.


everyone here knows so that is why i have trouble transferring my thoughts to written words.
I'm hoping that's what's happened in some of your posts on this thread. :huh:



one thing i will say is you reap what you sow.

Your Dad didn't. Right?

...children become what they are taught to become...
Then you would have abused your son like you were abused right? I mean that IS what you were taught correct? You're living proof that your own statement is false. We can and are greatly influenced by our parents and our childhood but we all have free will and the opportunity to make our own choices. You did.


if you truely knew how to treat your children you wouldn't have to use punishment.

Look I get that your were raised in a crappy house and I feel for you but you're way, WAY off the reservation with this. If you really believe this then not only is it sad, but probably the stupidest thing I've ever read on this forum.

Spiritwalker
02-21-2011, 02:56 PM
in my opinion not trying hard in school is stealing

That's a very nice way of looking at that.. I hadn't thought of it that way.. I teach my kids that not trying to get the most out of school is the best way to show how dumb you are... it's a totally free education.. get the most out of it!



and not disciplining your kids is child abuse and treason

that's a bit harsh... but I understand the concept. I would say.. "not preparing your kids for the real world.. is abuse.

bradwright
02-21-2011, 03:14 PM
That's either a gross exaggeration or a flat out lie. Either way your child is in for a very painful future.

my son has a great future ahead of him chuck...its funny how some people realy think a child needs to be punished in order to learn something.

How on earth do you expect anybody on here to believe you can sit down and have rational conversations with a 2yr old? You talked about things in "great detail" to a toddler??? If you truly expect us to believe you raised your child without punishing him in any way then I would call that childhood abusive. Children NEED discipline. It's cowardly and irresponsible of a parent to shy away from that responsibility no matter how abusive their own childhood was.

sorry chuck but a toddler would only be spanked out of frustration of the parent.

I'm hoping that's what's happened in some of your posts on this thread. :huh:

lol.

Your Dad didn't. Right?

it taught me violence towards your children was wrong...but 2 of my siblings didn't learn that lesson and some of their children are now in trouble.

Then you would have abused your son like you were abused right? I mean that IS what you were taught correct? You're living proof that your own statement is false. We can and are greatly influenced by our parents and our childhood but we all have free will and the opportunity to make our own choices. You did.

it didn't drive me over the deep end because i was strong enough to weather the storm untill i got out of there but i have 2 sisters that wern't strong enough and they are still being affected to this day by what happened to them.

Look I get that your were raised in a crappy house and I feel for you but you're way, WAY off the reservation with this. If you really believe this then not only is it sad, but probably the stupidest thing I've ever read on this forum.

I realize lot of you think my son grew up undisciplend and ran around as an uncontroled brat his whole life.
well nothing could be further from the truth...i still have parents of his friends say to my wife and i that our son was the most polite and well behaved of any of the children to ever come to their place...and he turned out that way without us ever laying a hand on him.

Miss Foxy
02-21-2011, 03:44 PM
Public humiliation is not going to help. That's going to make him rebel against her and everything else. Very poor taste on her part she should find other methods of discipline.

Primadawn
02-21-2011, 03:49 PM
I find it interesting in some of these posts as well as some things I've heard friends and co-workers say, that a lot of people think there should be no such thing as shame.

I even had my mother-in-law once tell me that I shouldn't say things to make my children feel ashamed.

Lemme tell you something...I think that's a big part of what's breaking down in this country. Nobody thinks they should be ASHAMED of anything...
Now I don't think anyone should be ashamed of what they have or don't have...or who they are...but if they do something shameful, they absolutely SHOULD feel shame!

Feeling shame sucks...I know for sure it has made me feel bad enough that I wouldn't want to do the thing that made me feel it again!

And I agree with most folks on here...there's no one perfect way to raise a child. I have 3 and what works for one doesn't work for the other 2. But I firmly believe in consequences for actions. Nice to be able to "talk it out" with your kids when they misbehave...but that's NOT what a professor or future employer's gonna do...just sayin'...

Spiritwalker
02-21-2011, 03:51 PM
I find it interesting in some of these posts as well as some things I've heard friends and co-workers say, that a lot of people think there should be no such thing as shame.

I even had my mother-in-law once tell me that I shouldn't say things to make my children feel ashamed.

Lemme tell you something...I think that's a big part of what's breaking down in this country. Nobody thinks they should be ASHAMED of anything...
Now I don't think anyone should be ashamed of what they have or don't have...or who they are...but if they do something shameful, they absolutely SHOULD feel shame!

Feeling shame sucks...I know for sure it has made me feel bad enough that I wouldn't want to do the thing that made me feel it again!




DING DING DING... The winner!!!!

BamaGrits84
02-21-2011, 03:57 PM
Public humiliation is not going to help. That's going to make him rebel against her and everything else. Very poor taste on her part she should find other methods of discipline.

I don't think there is any reason to break a child down in public, but humiliation can come in many forms. If a child is throwing a fit in a store and a parent pops their butt that is likely to humiliate the child. I remember when I was in maybe 2nd or 3rd grade waiting for our school to be unlocked before a PTA meeting. A hand full of parents and kids had gathers including my mom and me. I keep climbing under the hand rails for the wheelchair ramp. My mom told me to stop twice in a reasonable tone. The third time she slightly raised her voice and her tone got very serious and she called me by my full name. I was humilated because my friends saw me get in trouble. It worked well enough I stopped and minded my mom.

I have seen parents that will just cuss at their kids and basically call their kids names. That's uncalled for. The goal should not be to break the child, but the behavior.

Miss Foxy
02-21-2011, 04:00 PM
I don't think there is any reason to break a child down in public, but humiliation can come in many forms. If a child is throwing a fit in a store and a parent pops their butt that is likely to humiliate the child. I remember when I was in maybe 2nd or 3rd grade waiting for our school to be unlocked before a PTA meeting. A hand full of parents and kids had gathers including my mom and me. I keep climbing under the hand rails for the wheelchair ramp. My mom told me to stop twice in a reasonable tone. The third time she slightly raised her voice and her tone got very serious and she called me by my full name. I was humilated because my friends saw me get in trouble. It worked well enough I stopped and minded my mom.

I have seen parents that will just cuss at their kids and basically call their kids names. That's uncalled for. The goal should not be to break the child, but the behavior.

I agree with different ways you can humiliate or discipline your child. I am speaking from me and remembering how I would have felt at that age. My mom used to have a way to discipline it's called hitting the crap outta me til I was bloody and I would be laughing the entire time. I did not feel pain. My father on the other hand would talk to me and I would be perfectly fine and want to do better to not shame him. I don't know what the kids situation is, but I personally think all it will do is make him more worse than he already is. Of course that's his parents problem it's their kid I was just giving my opinion on it.

BamaGrits84
02-21-2011, 04:02 PM
I find it interesting in some of these posts as well as some things I've heard friends and co-workers say, that a lot of people think there should be no such thing as shame.

I even had my mother-in-law once tell me that I shouldn't say things to make my children feel ashamed.

Lemme tell you something...I think that's a big part of what's breaking down in this country. Nobody thinks they should be ASHAMED of anything...
Now I don't think anyone should be ashamed of what they have or don't have...or who they are...but if they do something shameful, they absolutely SHOULD feel shame!

Feeling shame sucks...I know for sure it has made me feel bad enough that I wouldn't want to do the thing that made me feel it again!

And I agree with most folks on here...there's no one perfect way to raise a child. I have 3 and what works for one doesn't work for the other 2. But I firmly believe in consequences for actions. Nice to be able to "talk it out" with your kids when they misbehave...but that's NOT what a professor or future employer's gonna do...just sayin'...

Agree!

BamaGrits84
02-21-2011, 04:08 PM
I agree with different ways you can humiliate or discipline your child. I am speaking from me and remembering how I would have felt at that age. My mom used to have a way to discipline it's called hitting the crap outta me til I was bloody and I would be laughing the entire time. I did not feel pain. My father on the other hand would talk to me and I would be perfectly fine and want to do better to not shame him. I don't know what the kids situation is, but I personally think all it will do is make him more worse than he already is. Of course that's his parents problem it's their kid I was just giving my opinion on it.

That's not discipline when a parent BEATS their child. That is 100% wrong. Usually this type of behavior from a parent is a sign they are not trying to teach thier child anything - they just want to take out their anger on a child for needing to be parented.

Disclaimer: If my kids ever drink or do drugs I might litterally beat the hell out of them.

Miss Foxy
02-21-2011, 04:09 PM
That's not discipline when a parent BEATS their child. That is 100% wrong. Usually this type of behavior from a parent is a sign they are not trying to teach thier child anything - they just want to take out their anger on a child for needing to be parented.

Disclaimer: If my kids ever drink or do drugs I might litterally beat the hell out of them. Lol!! I love it!!!!!!!! And maybe my opinion would change if I were to go through a little lazy butt not getting good grades.. I am on my kids for good grades I tell them all they have to do is go to school and get educated if they need a tutor or supplies it is their responsibility to inform me and I will do whatever it takes to help them.. For my jr high aged child I don't accept anything below a 3.8 and she is well aware of it!

bradwright
02-21-2011, 05:26 PM
I don't think there is any reason to break a child down in public, but humiliation can come in many forms. If a child is throwing a fit in a store and a parent pops their butt that is likely to humiliate the child. I remember when I was in maybe 2nd or 3rd grade waiting for our school to be unlocked before a PTA meeting. A hand full of parents and kids had gathers including my mom and me. I keep climbing under the hand rails for the wheelchair ramp. My mom told me to stop twice in a reasonable tone. The third time she slightly raised her voice and her tone got very serious and she called me by my full name. I was humilated because my friends saw me get in trouble. It worked well enough I stopped and minded my mom.

I have seen parents that will just cuss at their kids and basically call their kids names. That's uncalled for. The goal should not be to break the child, but the behavior.

i agree with you 100%...i think you and i agree on more then you think.
the only thing we may not see to eye on is how to get results.

honestly i dont think parents that spank their children are wrong in doing so i just never felt the need to do it...i tried very hard to challenge his mind and not his fear of punishment.

bradwright
02-21-2011, 05:28 PM
Public humiliation is not going to help. That's going to make him rebel against her and everything else. Very poor taste on her part she should find other methods of discipline.

this is what i was trying to say from the beginning...good post.

Miss Foxy
02-21-2011, 05:57 PM
the problem with having children is a lot of people go at it like its a part time job when in reality parenting should be a 100% commitment from the time the child is born until he or she has grown into an adult and is ready for the world on their own.

i will give you some examples but to tell you how to implement it on someone elses child would require me to get to know and understand that child in every detail possible...in essence becoming their parent.

before my son started kindergarten he could already read,count,ad and subtract and do multiplication and he learned all of this without hardly ever reading a book or picking up a pencil.

i took the time to interact with him in fun ways that i knew he would enjoy because i took the time to get to know him.

when ever he wanted to do something or have something i wasn't willing to allow i sat down with him and explained the reasons why in detail until he understood,it wasn't a lecture it was a discussion and believe me it works a lot better then just saying no.

i never once hit him or spanked him or sent him to his room or punished him in anyway....when he did something i didn't like i talked to him about it in great detail.

I know you must find this void of any substance but Bonnie if i said i wasn't a word smith that could be considered the understatement of the year as everyone here knows so that is why i have trouble transferring my thoughts to written words.

my road as a parent encompassed the things i have mentioned but also so much more.

when i said my son was the most important thing in my life i meant it,i had an obligation to help him grow into the finest person he could be and what i wanted for myself would have to take a back seat to my obligations....i didn't mean i would make him the center of attention i meant i would make his well being the center of attention.


having said all that i will also say he turned out pretty well...he is 21 years old now and is looking to buy his first house this fall.

he never did get any sort of post secondary education...he weighed all his options and decided he didn't need it at this point in his life...maybe in the future he will change his mind but for now he is doing well.


one thing i will say is you reap what you sow.
if you want live as a dictator and put fear into the hearts of your children then when they begin to rebel you shouldn't really be surprised.

The way you are with your son is how my dad is with me. He never spanked me and always talked to me. To this day my dad is the only person who can calm me down and make me feel ok. Unfortunately my moms method was different and I rebelled against her any way I could as a teen. I used to be so angry at her the only way she ever communicated with me was being stern and when she disciplined me. I would rebel against her. Not my father so the thought of my poor dad going to work trying to be a good father made me stop a lot of things I did I still to this day think over and over. For my children and my dad and I am 32 yrs old..:laugh:
Parenting wise I am a mix of my parents. I talk with them, but I also give that look and can be a warden sometimes. I always make sure if I am disciplining them to talk with them and remind them how much I love them. Their dad don't play though he is very hard on discipline, but on the same token I have very well mannered and good kids. My teen started getting mouthy, but I took away some of her luxuries and she shaped up real fast!!

bradwright
02-21-2011, 06:19 PM
The way you are with your son is how my dad is with me. He never spanked me and always talked to me. To this day my dad is the only person who can calm me down and make me feel ok. Unfortunately my moms method was different and I rebelled against her any way I could as a teen. I used to be so angry at her the only way she ever communicated with me was being stern and when she disciplined me. I would rebel against her. Not my father so the thought of my poor dad going to work trying to be a good father made me stop a lot of things I did I still to this day think over and over. For my children and my dad and I am 32 yrs old..:laugh:
Parenting wise I am a mix of my parents. I talk with them, but I also give that look and can be a warden sometimes. I always make sure if I am disciplining them to talk with them and remind them how much I love them. Their dad don't play though he is very hard on discipline, but on the same token I have very well mannered and good kids. My teen started getting mouthy, but I took away some of her luxuries and she shaped up real fast!!


My son is 21 now and he still comes to me from time to time to discuss how things are going in his life...he respects my opinion but doesn't base his decisions solely on that alone.
he is very responsible in the way he lives his life and i am very proud how he turned out.
he decided he wanted to be in the construction industry because he likes very much to be outside and although i would have wanted him to go to college or university i totaly understand why he didn't.

he is also very mature for his age...he has money in RRSPs and has saved money for a down payment on a house.
he doesn't smoke or do drugs and only drinks occasionally.
when he was 16 i paid for half of his first car but since then he has been on his own...he has had 3 different vehicles since then and 2 months ago he went out and bought himself a 50 thousand dollar truck with no help from anyone ( well except for the bank that is ) and while he has a payment now his payment is a very small part of his income and he will have no trouble with it at all.

not bad for a 21 year old that wasn't born with a silver spoon in his mouth.

so while a lot of people here think i did everything wrong...in reality i must have done at least a couple of things right.

Chuck
02-21-2011, 06:19 PM
honestly i dont think parents that spank their children are wrong in doing so

You also said
sorry chuck but a toddler would only be spanked out of frustration of the parent.

and

if you truely knew how to treat your children you wouldn't have to use punishment.

Which is it? :wacko:


I think your childhood probably had a greater impact on you than you think.

You've used words in your posts like abuse, punishment, discipline & violence virtually interchangeably and when you talk about your own childhood I can understand how you must think that way. But the truth is those words all have very different meanings. Discipline for example is a form of love. We discipline our kids because of our love not as an exception to it. The Bible teaches us that the Lord loves us and THAT is why He disciplines us. It comes from a place of love not anger. It sounds like you weren't able to experience loving or Godly discipline growing up and that really sucks.

But don't completely insult and condemn those of us who choose to discipline our children in one post... then say you have no problem with it in another. :wink:

Miss Foxy
02-21-2011, 06:21 PM
My son is 21 now and he still comes to me from time to time to discuss how things are going in his life...he respects my opinion but doesn't base his decisions solely on that alone.
he is very responsible in the way he lives his life and i am very proud how he turned out.
he decided he wanted to be in the construction industry because he likes very much to be outside and although i would have wanted him to go to college or university i totaly understand why he didn't.

he is also very mature for his age...he has money in RRSPs and has saved money for a down payment on a house.
he doesn't smoke or do drugs and only drinks occasionally.
when he was 16 i paid for half of his first car but since then he has been on his own...he has had 3 different vehicles since then and 2 months ago he went out and bought himself a 50 thousand dollar truck with no help from anyone ( well except for the bank that is ) and while he has a payment now his payment is a very small part of his income and he will have no trouble with it at all.

not bad for a 21 year old that wasn't born with a silver spoon in his mouth.

so while a lot of people here think i did everything wrong...in reality i must have done at least a couple of things right.

Sounds like a good kid and what's even cooler is you acknowledge that.. :cool: I always go to my dad first with any problem I have we only disagree on politics and music!! haha..Hopefully no one thinks you are wrong. I would say different than the majority, but that doesn't make you a worse/better person. If anyone does oh well life goes on for you and them.

bradwright
02-21-2011, 06:28 PM
You also said


and



Which is it? :wacko:


I think your childhood probably had a greater impact on you than you think.

You've used words in your posts like abuse, punishment, discipline & violence virtually interchangeably and when you talk about your own childhood I can understand how you must think that way. But the truth is those words all have very different meanings. Discipline for example is a form of love. We discipline our kids because of our love not as an exception to it. The Bible teaches us that the Lord loves us and THAT is why He disciplines us. It comes from a place of love not anger. It sounds like you weren't able to experience loving or Godly discipline growing up and that really sucks.

But don't completely insult and condemn those of us who choose to discipline our children in one post... then say you have no problem with it in another. :wink:


and if you have to spank a toddler your going to tell me its not out of frustration ?

i said punishing children is wrong in my opinion....but if you or anyone else has to do it to get results then fine....do what you have to do,but i made sure my son didn't live in fear of me...not even just a little.

adamt
02-21-2011, 06:39 PM
I find it interesting in some of these posts as well as some things I've heard friends and co-workers say, that a lot of people think there should be no such thing as shame.

I even had my mother-in-law once tell me that I shouldn't say things to make my children feel ashamed.

Lemme tell you something...I think that's a big part of what's breaking down in this country. Nobody thinks they should be ASHAMED of anything...
Now I don't think anyone should be ashamed of what they have or don't have...or who they are...but if they do something shameful, they absolutely SHOULD feel shame!

Feeling shame sucks...I know for sure it has made me feel bad enough that I wouldn't want to do the thing that made me feel it again!

And I agree with most folks on here...there's no one perfect way to raise a child. I have 3 and what works for one doesn't work for the other 2. But I firmly believe in consequences for actions. Nice to be able to "talk it out" with your kids when they misbehave...but that's NOT what a professor or future employer's gonna do...just sayin'...



very nice...

my .02 worth... shame is closely compared and sometimes confused with guilt, i think guilt is a powerful tool and necessary for growth

also guilt needs a way to be released, ala forgiveness or in this case doing better in school, hopefully guilt will lead to repentance---or--- turning from wrong ways


secondly , am i the only one that would straighten right up when i went into a room of older men when i was young? I remember how a poor look from an older man could hurt me more than any whippin i ever had what happened to that, kids don't care or respect elders anymore...... i think shame or guilt can only be accompolished when respect is also present



thirdly, i don't think it is about humiliation, i think it is about humbling

Chuck
02-21-2011, 06:47 PM
honestly i dont think parents that spank their children are wrong in doing so

and if you have to spank a toddler your going to tell me its not out of frustration ?

i said punishing children is wrong in my opinion....but if you or anyone else has to do it to get results then fine....do what you have to do,but i made sure my son didn't live in fear of me...not even just a little.

Are you just not getting it???


And to answer your question I have spanked my children when they were toddlers many times without the least bit of frustration or anger and think I was right in doing so. I've also sat down and talked to them "in great detail" when I was so pissed I couldn't see straight and knew it was a mistake. The mistake isn't in how you choose to discipline your child it's in the condition of your heart when you do so.

I don't "have to" discipline my children to get results I choose to follow the example laid out in the Bible and raise my children in a way that lines up with scripture. Are you aware of how arrogant you come across when you type things like that?

And what's wrong with a child fearing a parent? I think a healthy, Godly fear of parents and a respect for authority are not only necessary but Biblical.

The more you post on this subject the more it becomes apparent how little you know about it.

You were raised in one extreme then proceeded to raise your son in the other. What lies in between those to examples is genuine Godly discipline. You should consider reading up on it.

rockdawg21
02-21-2011, 06:47 PM
Nothing is free. Everyone pays for public school. But that is a different thread. :laugh: I'm sure Adam would love it, too. lol


I do try to teach my kids to appreciate their education.
Yeah, I understand that. However, it's required by everyone to pay so it "feels" free.

Chuck
02-21-2011, 06:48 PM
very nice...

my .02 worth... shame is closely compared and sometimes confused with guilt, i think guilt is a powerful tool and necessary for growth

also guilt needs a way to be released, ala forgiveness or in this case doing better in school, hopefully guilt will lead to repentance---or--- turning from wrong ways


secondly , am i the only one that would straighten right up when i went into a room of older men when i was young? I remember how a poor look from an older man could hurt me more than any whippin i ever had what happened to that, kids don't care or respect elders anymore...... i think shame or guilt can only be accompolished when respect is also present



thirdly, i don't think it is about humiliation, i think it is about humbling

How do you discern between guilt and conviction? Or do you see them the same?

rockdawg21
02-21-2011, 07:05 PM
I always think the people around me think my husband and I are just mean parents because you won't let our kids just run around and act up in stores. Like me telling them "if you don't stay right beside me I'm going to pop you" makes me a horrible parents. It makes me a parent that doesn't want to lose a kid in the store and have a panic attack.
Which sucks because then you get those dumb parents who try to make it their business or consider that type of discipline as child abuse. :rolleyes:

bradwright
02-21-2011, 07:09 PM
Are you just not getting it???

you take things out of context to try and make your point...not much i can address about that.

And to answer your question I have spanked my children when they were toddlers many times without the least bit of frustration or anger and think I was right in doing so. I've also sat down and talked to them "in great detail" when I was so pissed I couldn't see straight and knew it was a mistake. The mistake isn't in how you choose to discipline your child it's in the condition of your heart when you do so.

it sounds like frustration may be a problem for you.
I don't "have to" discipline my children to get results I choose to follow the example laid out in the Bible and raise my children in a way that lines up with scripture. Are you aware of how arrogant you come across when you type things like that?

sorry you dont see anything from any other point of view but your own.
And what's wrong with a child fearing a parent? I think a healthy, Godly fear of parents and a respect for authority are not only necessary but Biblical.

i think some take the bible way to literally sometimes.

The more you post on this subject the more it becomes apparent how little you know about it.

lol....just because i never ever hit my child you think i'm a bad parent.


You were raised in one extreme then proceeded to raise your son in the other. What lies in between those to examples is genuine Godly discipline. You should consider reading up on it.

i have...i just dont see it the way you do.

Chuck
02-21-2011, 07:28 PM
you take things out of context to try and make your point...not much i can address about that.

Put it in context for me then because it sure looks like a total contradiction to me.



it sounds like frustration may be a problem for you.
No argument here. Stupid people frustrate me. Ignorant people frustrate me. Slow drivers frustrate me.



sorry you dont see anything from any other point of view but your own.
I can't see something from your point of view unless I understand it first. I posted quiet a few things you've said and you've failed to explain or clarify any of them. Not much I can do about that.


i think some take the bible way to literally sometimes.
As in?????? Christians?



lol....just because i never ever hit my child you think i'm a bad parent.
I never said you were a bad parent... but if it's true you never punished your child then I do consider you a very lucky one. Did your wife follow your same philosophy?

Primadawn
02-21-2011, 07:35 PM
I was never spanked as a child and I'm ALL KINDS of screwed up.
:ninja::laugh::ninja:

Chuck
02-21-2011, 07:41 PM
I was never spanked as a child and I'm ALL KINDS of screwed up.
:ninja::laugh::ninja:

/THREAD

:laugh::laugh:

bradwright
02-21-2011, 07:51 PM
Put it in context for me then because it sure looks like a total contradiction to me.

i dont believe in punishing a child to get results...but if you do then fine...what else do you need to know ?
i never once told anyone here not to punish their children Chuck...i only said in my opinion i dont agree with it.

No argument here. Stupid people frustrate me. Ignorant people frustrate me. Slow drivers frustrate me.

i know thats a dig at me but i'm going to let it slide....( not sure how you know i'm a slow driver though :wink: )

I can't see something from your point of view unless I understand it first. I posted quiet a few things you've said and you've failed to explain or clarify any of them. Not much I can do about that.

it is clear to me what i meant..sorry my command of the english language isn't such that you could understand me as well.
As in?????? Christians?

not all Christians interpret the bible the way you do Chuck.

I never said you were a bad parent... but if it's true you never punished your child then I do consider you a very lucky one. Did your wife follow your same philosophy?

yes it is true Chuck i never punished my Child...there were plenty of times i wanted to but i never did.
its not that my son never did anything wrong...he did plenty of things we didn't like but instead of spanking him,or sending him to his room or grounding him or many many other things people do sometimes we just talked with him about it and sometimes our discussions would last for hours.

and yes maybe one could look at him having to sit down with us and go through that every time he screwed up as a form of punishment i suppose because the whole time he wasn't able to watch tv or play his games or talk to his friends...but that was the price he had to pay.

and honestly if you asked what was the worst part about his childhood he would say it was having to sit and listen to his parents...but he would most likely say it with a smile on his face.

and yes my Wife followed the exact same philosophy.

BamaGrits84
02-21-2011, 08:31 PM
Which sucks because then you get those dumb parents who try to make it their business or consider that type of discipline as child abuse. :rolleyes:

My friend spanked her child in the parking lot of Wal-Mart and some woman walked right up to her and started writing down my friend's tag number and asked for her name. My friend asked her what she was doing and the woman said she was going to file a report for child abuse! She politely told the woman how she raised her child as her business and no abuse had occured but it certainly was fixing to. :laugh:

I love the look on someone's face that tries to get in your business and then quickly gets put in their place.

TexasRN
02-21-2011, 08:33 PM
I truly hate parenting debates on online forums. Really what it all boils down to is this: you parent your child/children based on your beliefs and accept that not every approach works on every child. As long as you do not cause them emotional or physical damage and your child/children turn out to be healthy, happy, independent adults then you did fine. None of us are perfect and it's good for kids to see that too. So the ridiculous posts berating others for how they choose to parent need to stop. The woman in the story did not abuse her child. It is not how I would choose to handle the same situation and you know what, that's ok.


~Amy

VCURamFan
02-21-2011, 08:40 PM
I truly hate parenting debates on online forums. Really what it all boils down to is this: you parent your child/children based on your beliefs and accept that not every approach works on every child. As long as you do not cause them emotional or physical damage and your child/children turn out to be healthy, happy, independent adults then you did fine. None of us are perfect and it's good for kids to see that too. So the ridiculous posts berating others for how they choose to parent need to stop. The woman in the story did not abuse her child. It is not how I would choose to handle the same situation and you know what, that's ok.


~Amy
:applause: :applause: :applause:

rockdawg21
02-21-2011, 08:46 PM
My friend spanked her child in the parking lot of Wal-Mart and some woman walked right up to her and started writing down my friend's tag number and asked for her name. My friend asked her what she was doing and the woman said she was going to file a report for child abuse! She politely told the woman how she raised her child as her business and no abuse had occured but it certainly was fixing to. :laugh:

I love the look on someone's face that tries to get in your business and then quickly gets put in their place.
LOL, that's funny. Damn Liberals, I hate 'em. They always think everybody should think the exact same way as them.

It really boils down to the child - they all respond differently. I got used to getting hit, so it didn't bother me, but it worked on my brother. For me, I didn't like being grounded/denied of things...one year, I missed Halloween - never sent to the principal's office again, lol

Jonlion
02-21-2011, 10:05 PM
from he moment I could talk, I was ordered to listen...........................

Jonlion
02-21-2011, 10:07 PM
I think we need little Cat right now

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q29YR5-t3gg

bradwright
02-21-2011, 10:20 PM
My friend spanked her child in the parking lot of Wal-Mart and some woman walked right up to her and started writing down my friend's tag number and asked for her name. My friend asked her what she was doing and the woman said she was going to file a report for child abuse! She politely told the woman how she raised her child as her business and no abuse had occured but it certainly was fixing to. :laugh:

I love the look on someone's face that tries to get in your business and then quickly gets put in their place.

right or wrong spanking a child is a crime in some parts of the Canada.

i dont think parents should spank their children but i dont agree that it should be against the law though either.

bradwright
02-21-2011, 10:52 PM
I truly hate parenting debates on online forums. Really what it all boils down to is this: you parent your child/children based on your beliefs and accept that not every approach works on every child. As long as you do not cause them emotional or physical damage and your child/children turn out to be healthy, happy, independent adults then you did fine. None of us are perfect and it's good for kids to see that too. So the ridiculous posts berating others for how they choose to parent need to stop. The woman in the story did not abuse her child. It is not how I would choose to handle the same situation and you know what, that's ok.


~Amy

i dont agree with your assessment of the situation when it comes to what this woman made her child do but you know what....i doesn't matter if we dont agree.
if the point of the whole thing isn't to discuss it then why did someone bring it up.

the only problem is there are very strong opinions on both sides and maybe we should all take a step back and think a little and try to learn something from the other side of the argument...i know i'm trying...it may not come across like that but i am trying.

flo
02-21-2011, 11:51 PM
I truly hate parenting debates on online forums. Really what it all boils down to is this: you parent your child/children based on your beliefs and accept that not every approach works on every child. As long as you do not cause them emotional or physical damage and your child/children turn out to be healthy, happy, independent adults then you did fine. None of us are perfect and it's good for kids to see that too. So the ridiculous posts berating others for how they choose to parent need to stop. The woman in the story did not abuse her child. It is not how I would choose to handle the same situation and you know what, that's ok.


~Amy

Amen to that.

flo
02-21-2011, 11:55 PM
Debate is one thing but some of the posts were getting kind of ugly.

I guess that's usually the way with a topic people feel passionately about...

TexasRN
02-22-2011, 12:04 AM
i dont agree with your assessment of the situation when it comes to what this woman made her child do but you know what....i doesn't matter if we dont agree.
if the point of the whole thing isn't to discuss it then why did someone bring it up.

the only problem is there are very strong opinions on both sides and maybe we should all take a step back and think a little and try to learn something from the other side of the argument...i know i'm trying...it may not come across like that but i am trying.

I don't mind discussion or debate but I will not sit back and watch people make nasty, hateful remarks about another person's parenting on an online forum that I moderate. It was getting out of hand and it needed to be reigned back in...on BOTH sides of this debate. If I wanted the discussion/debate to stop, I would have just locked the whole thread and left it at that.


~Amy

Chris F
02-22-2011, 12:52 AM
I think God's way of parenting is much better than anything man can come up with so to be as simple as possible. "spare the rod spoil the child" “Don't fail to correct your children. They won't die if you spank them. Physical discipline may well save them from death”“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it” Hebrews 12:11. So Brad if you choose to live your life contrary to scripture on how you raise you kids than by all means do at your own discretion. But do not lecture nor belittle parents on here who do raise their kids according to scripture by calling them child abuser whether explicit or implied sir.

bradwright
02-22-2011, 01:37 AM
I think God's way of parenting is much better than anything man can come up with so to be as simple as possible. "spare the rod spoil the child" “Don't fail to correct your children. They won't die if you spank them. Physical discipline may well save them from death”“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it” Hebrews 12:11. So Brad if you choose to live your life contrary to scripture on how you raise you kids than by all means do at your own discretion. But do not lecture nor belittle parents on here who do raise their kids according to scripture by calling them child abuser whether explicit or implied sir.

actually Chris most of the lecturing and belittling has come not from me....but rather towards me.

Chris F
02-22-2011, 01:53 AM
actually Chris most of the lecturing and belittling has come not from me....but rather towards me.

That is neither here nor there. The simple fact is you call Child abuse what God says is righteous. That is offensive. Even more so to those of us who have trully been abused. If I in any way made you feel belittled I am sorry, but your browbeating on this subject is unnerving.

bradwright
02-22-2011, 12:05 PM
That is neither here nor there. The simple fact is you call Child abuse what God says is righteous. That is offensive. Even more so to those of us who have trully been abused. If I in any way made you feel belittled I am sorry, but your browbeating on this subject is unnerving.

i can tell by your post you dont actually read all the posts.