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BamaGrits84
09-17-2010, 06:40 PM
My oldest son is 8. He goes to a magnet school were be must maintain a 3.0 GPA (based on a 4.0 scale). So basically a B average. Well my son has gotten really bad about not being prepare for class, not paying attention, not getting his homework done, and now lying to me and the teacher about the work he hasn't finished.

He's playing football and has practice 3 nights a week for 1-1/2 hours, plus about 3 hours on Saturday at the field. I really want to pull him out of football but I know he is capable of playing and making good grades and I've spend several hundred dollars for him to be able to play. I'm really mad because I know how smart he is and it seems like he is constantly daydreaming instead of focusing on his work. He doesn't lck focus like a child with ADHD. It's more like he just thinks he has better things to be thinking about.

I think he think he's so smart he doesn't need to buckle down. He completed half @sses everything he does. I have no idea how to break him of this. Would you pull the plug on football? I've warned him several times to tighten up and be more responsible with his school work. I'm grounding him until he pulls his grades up to all As (he has 3 Cs, 1 B & 1 A now) from everything at home and from going to any fun events, but I'm so torn over football because of how much it's cost for him to play. Plus I want him to learn how to handle school and activites so he isn't missing out of the fun parts of being a kid.

Any thoughts? Been there, done that, and fixed it stories?

Spiritwalker
09-17-2010, 06:57 PM
I have a great deal to say on this. My son is 9 and my daughter is 7.. went through pretty much the same thing last quarter.. Talk to you soon.

BamaGrits84
09-17-2010, 07:00 PM
I have a great deal to say on this. My son is 9 and my daughter is 7.. went through pretty much the same thing last quarter.. Talk to you soon.

Hope talk to you soon means advice to follow when you have the time! :wink:

TexasRN
09-17-2010, 07:25 PM
When my kids were that age they were required by the school to have a planner. Every day they had to write down what homework they had and what projects were assigned. A parent had to initial or sign each day that they had read the planner and understood the work involved. The teacher checked planners every morning in class from the night before and made sure the planner reflected the correct items assigned and that the parent stated they were aware. Now they do it all by website. I can check my kids' homework assignments for every class that way and keep up with what is to be done. Then it is easy to sit down and go over all the homework for every class. It is a pain sometimes but it is necessary for the parent to be that involved I think. Maybe get your child's teacher to email you weekly with the daily homework assignments? Will he/she work with you to problemsolve this?


~Amy

VCURamFan
09-17-2010, 07:28 PM
Speaking as a kid that coasted through the AP & IB level courses in high school thanks to the intelligence God blessed me with, I can tell you it's an extremely hard habit to break, espeecially once you need to start studying. Once I got to college & wasn't able to just absorb through the lecture or leafing through the book, I had a lot of trouble learning how to buckle down & study. While I can't give any advice from the parent side, the one thing that really helped me was scheduling everything ("Plan the work then work the plan," is how my dad put it). You sit down, parse out how long each item is going to take & make a very detailed schedule for when you're this paper, when you're reading that chapter, when you're working those math problems & when you're going to take breaks. It works for me because when I'm in "paper time", I don't have to worry about the chapter or math because I know I've got time to finish them. Also, when I'm taking a break, I don't feel guilty for wasting time because I know I've earned that break.

I'd say you need to sit down with your son very honestly & see how much time he actually needs to spend on HW & if football can fit. Do this with him so he can see exactly what his requirements are. And always high-ball the time estimates. Even if you know he can read that chapter in 5min, give him 10 because you want to build in a cushion in case something comes up. Also, that way when he finishes his chapter in 5min, he feels like a rockstar for getting done so early & he'll be jazzed up to knock out the paper & math just a quickly, giving himself even more time off during the break. Make sense?

BamaGrits84
09-17-2010, 07:32 PM
He does have a planner. And I do have to sign it over the weekend. This latest event was listed as a compelte at home if not finished in class deal. I asked him where this test review was and he said he finished it at school and left it there. Well then I get an email from his teaching saying he didn't finish it and made a 35 which brought him down to a B and the lowest grade in the class.

His teacher has been great at email me as soon as a problem comes up during the day and she's great about always putting a good in with the bad. So I know she's really working with me & him to get him were we both know he can be.

When my kids were that age they were required by the school to have a planner. Every day they had to write down what homework they had and what projects were assigned. A parent had to initial or sign each day that they had read the planner and understood the work involved. The teacher checked planners every morning in class from the night before and made sure the planner reflected the correct items assigned and that the parent stated they were aware. Now they do it all by website. I can check my kids' homework assignments for every class that way and keep up with what is to be done. Then it is easy to sit down and go over all the homework for every class. It is a pain sometimes but it is necessary for the parent to be that involved I think. Maybe get your child's teacher to email you weekly with the daily homework assignments? Will he/she work with you to problemsolve this?


~Amy

TexasRN
09-17-2010, 09:10 PM
He does have a planner. And I do have to sign it over the weekend. This latest event was listed as a compelte at home if not finished in class deal. I asked him where this test review was and he said he finished it at school and left it there. Well then I get an email from his teaching saying he didn't finish it and made a 35 which brought him down to a B and the lowest grade in the class.

His teacher has been great at email me as soon as a problem comes up during the day and she's great about always putting a good in with the bad. So I know she's really working with me & him to get him were we both know he can be.


It's so hard making parental decisions. I always thought it would be easy when I was the one making the rules. What a joke that turned out to be. :laugh:

I don't know what else to advise here. I can see both sides of the football issue and that really depends on the specific child. I have to discipline my kids differently, one from the other, because of their personalities. My daughter would happily give up her after school physical activity because she would like to sit at home in the ac. It's the best exercise she gets because the school doesn't do PE more than once a week and she gets no recess anymore. My son would be devastated to be taken out of his after school activity. It would be a huge punishment and would make him push hard to get his grades back up.

I know I'm not helpful. Sorry.


~Amy

Buzzard
09-18-2010, 04:23 AM
My oldest son is 8. He goes to a magnet school were be must maintain a 3.0 GPA (based on a 4.0 scale). So basically a B average. Well my son has gotten really bad about not being prepare for class, not paying attention, not getting his homework done, and now lying to me and the teacher about the work he hasn't finished.

He's playing football and has practice 3 nights a week for 1-1/2 hours, plus about 3 hours on Saturday at the field. I really want to pull him out of football but I know he is capable of playing and making good grades and I've spend several hundred dollars for him to be able to play. I'm really mad because I know how smart he is and it seems like he is constantly daydreaming instead of focusing on his work. He doesn't lck focus like a child with ADHD. It's more like he just thinks he has better things to be thinking about.

I think he think he's so smart he doesn't need to buckle down. He completed half @sses everything he does. I have no idea how to break him of this. Would you pull the plug on football? I've warned him several times to tighten up and be more responsible with his school work. I'm grounding him until he pulls his grades up to all As (he has 3 Cs, 1 B & 1 A now) from everything at home and from going to any fun events, but I'm so torn over football because of how much it's cost for him to play. Plus I want him to learn how to handle school and activites so he isn't missing out of the fun parts of being a kid.

Any thoughts? Been there, done that, and fixed it stories?

What does dad have to say about it?

Play The Man
09-18-2010, 06:40 AM
I think boys (I know, I'm a sexist, racist and homophobe), especially, need a physical outlet, which sports provides. Football might teach him discipline. I would keep him in football but curtail things like video games, TV, movies, etc. It sounds like you have good communication with the teacher. Has the drop-off in the grades been sudden? Could something be going on in his life that he isn't telling you about (e.g. abuse, bullying)?

Chris F
09-18-2010, 05:40 PM
Tell school comes before social and physical functions and if he continues to lie and fail to complete assignments all thsoe will vanish and he will have to work to pay you back. Be sure let him know how much he lets his team down if you need to remove him. I just have girls and I homeschool but if they fail to do their work or worse yet lie to me about it they loose everything but their beds. It works I usually only have to do that twice a year for one kid and once and a blue moon wiht the oldest.

BTW they do play sports when we can afford it and my youngest missed several games because of it and this helped he buck up

Spiritwalker
09-18-2010, 08:10 PM
My son was going through some of the same things last year... "disciple" just wasn't working.. me being a hard arese.. just made both of us angry at each other... which made him try less.. then we got a drop in grades...

it turns out he wasn't very challenged. I spoke with his teacher and we came up with more work that required him to think and try harder.. same thing with his karate. Once we started throwing more stuff at him the more he had to try.. he more he had to try.. the harder he worked and he saw his results.. and enjoyed it more. It wasn't always "more advanced" school work.. and karate.. just some extra..

Like for math.. if there was a 20 question work sheet... his was 30... spelling words.. 20 words a week.. he would get 25...
in the dojo.. me and my instructor would show a technique to the kids.. but we would give him (and two other students) have him do that one.. and a varation..

sounds like the same thing that you are going through.

BamaGrits84
09-20-2010, 03:58 PM
What does dad have to say about it?

He says 'I'm gonna tear his butt up like I should have done the first time (i got an email from his teacher)' Sometimes he does. his dad is good about making him do extra homework on the weekends when he hasn't performed well during the week.

Tyburn
09-20-2010, 04:15 PM
I dont have Children, but I strongly believe training works best by punishment and reward.

Simply, you reward good behaviour, and you punish bad behaviour. How far you go with that, I dont know, coz I dont have children...but it works alright with my managers at work :laugh:

Case in point, I deliberatley do as much above and beyond, regularly as possible, so they depend on me. Then, if the maltreat me, I stop doing the extra.

Often the mere threat works wonders :laugh: I tell them happy workers work best, and if they treat me well, I shall work hard and be loyal, but if they make me unhappy, or treat me shytty, then they can forget the extra, bit by bit I stop doing that extra which they rely on me for, until they change their minds.

...and when they want me to do the impossible, I tell them I want to play a game, its called "I choose, you decide" I give them the two possible scenarios, and they tell me which they want done, if I cant do both at once :laugh: Maybe I can collect up the reductions and do another activation on them. OR. I can consolidate Flowers...I cant do both...so which do they want.

If none of that helps. I'm sorry :ashamed:

rearnakedchoke
09-20-2010, 04:29 PM
he's eight ... and boys usually improve their attention capabilities in their late 40's so i wouldn't try anything there ...

kidding aside, it is very important to teach him organizational skills ... and take him out of football a few times to show him you mean it ... once he sees that you are serious, he will buck up ... right now he probably thinks you enjoy his football so much that you wouldn't dare take him out ... LOL ...