View Full Version : War Machine's Weekly Jail Blog

07-29-2010, 09:34 PM
No lie, then man's planning to be writing a diary of his incarceration. :frantics:

What's up guys!? I'm gonna do a weekly blog for this year while I'm locked up. Just want to keep y'all posted and give you some insight on what it's like here for me. When I first got here I was told I was gonna be kept in segregation to pretect myself since I'm a "celebrity." I told them NO WAY! 23 hours a day lockdown? **** THAT! So they stuck me in the "mainline." They classified me a 5 on a scale 1-6 so I'm with the big dogs. Everyone here has been to prison. Few guys in my unit are murderers waiting to be shipped out to prison for life. Funny, kinda odd, but they are the most friendly of the bunch... Most intelligent too. Hardest thing about this place is finding people you can have a decent conversation with.

So when you first get here you learn the rules, jail politics. You got the Whites, the Mexicans, and the Blacks + others. Whites and Mex share tables for recreation but you only eat show at your designated race's table. You never sit at the Blacks table and vice-versa, but you can talk to them here in County Jail. If a Mex or White fights a Black, all the Mex and Whites are required to jump in. One on one fights are only allowed against your own race and take place in an empty cell. I think it's dumb. I'm not trying to fight anyone and can care less abotu who fights who. I hope no big rumbles happen... I can't afford more trouble. Buttt if you don't help, you get jumped afterwards. Maybe I'll just throw body shots and leg kicks so I don't hurt anyone... Anyway so far all is well.

I'm bored a lot, just been reading and working out to stay busy. All the guys here are cool to me, I get a lot of questions about fighting. Seems everyone wants to learn some "moves." I wish we could train here, would make it way more fun... lol. So yeah, anyway I don't see anyone ****ing with ME... Only way BS goes down is if I get drug into someone elses lame drama. Well that is that! Week 1 in a nut shell. Look forward to keeping you guys updated. Can't wait to get out and fight for all my fans again! Can't wait to open my gym in Austin! Thanks for standing by me. If you go to sdsheriff.net (http://sdsheriff.net/) you can e-mail me (http://apps.sdsheriff.net/wij/wijDetail.aspx?BookNum=10754342). Booking # 10754342 Jon Koppenhaver.
Anyone else think it funny that if you wanna send a message to War Machine, you gotta address it to Jon Koppenhaver? Think that pisses him off just a little? "C'mon, guys, you gotta announce me with my nickname! I've had it for like 2yrs!!!" :hissyfit:

07-29-2010, 10:55 PM
Well if Lindsay Lohan can "tweet" then surely War Machine can blog.:huh:


BTW.......apparently Lindsay can't tweet yet, but she was allowed to keep her hair extensions.......so she will probably be allowed to "tweet" at some point.:laugh:

07-29-2010, 11:04 PM
Well if Lindsay Lohan can "tweet" then surely War Machine can blog.:huh:


BTW.......apparently Lindsay can't tweet yet, but she was allowed to keep her hair extensions.......so she will probably be allowed to "tweet" at some point.:laugh:
Someone's gonna strangle her with those extensions!! :ninja:

07-30-2010, 04:20 AM
isn't war machine his legal name now??

07-30-2010, 11:48 AM
isn't war machine his legal name now??

I thought so but maybe there is more than one "War Machine" in that prison so they need further clarification? :laugh:


07-30-2010, 03:29 PM

I thought so but maybe there is more than one "War Machine" in that prison so they need further clarification? :laugh:


08-01-2010, 05:52 PM
:angry: anyone want to ask me what my feelings are on provisions within the penal system? because they wouldnt involve the ability to touch a computer, EVER, not a mobile phone!

Honnestly!!! :angry::angry:

08-03-2010, 05:02 PM
Part 2:

Starting to get the hang of things here and the time seems to be passing faster than I had expected. Couple of the guys housed here are pretty cool. Valencia is here fighting a murder case and "The Banker" is here for his 3rd bank robbery!! LOL We play Scrabble a lot, work out and bulls***. Just try to pass the time. Most of the other inmates here are just in and gone within a few days and boy do people try and take advantage!! Everyone has a sob story and wants to use your minutes to make a "quick" call. Problem is it's never so quick and never the last call. I'll be here a year and don't wanna go broke helping strangers so no more of that! Speaking of money, this jail business is the biggest racket of them all! We can only buy their phone cards and it costs 25’/min. for a LOCAL CALL!! And the snacks are outrageous! Easily 5 times the price of any convenient store.

Anyway, I have been going through books like CRAZY! By the end of this year I'll have read 5,000!! LOL! I got my first visit the other day... My wifee and my two Seal homies. It's nice to see them but honestly I'd rather do my time and not see/talk to anyone on the outside. I'm doing well in here but after a visit/call I get sad. Workouts here are starting to bore me, REALLY miss training! I think I'm gonna teach Valencia how to pummel and work the thai clinch. He's strong and gonna be here a long while so hopefully we can get some cell training going. My celly left a few days ago so I've been getting plenty of quality time in... HAHA! F*** man I think I dream of sex every night!! Gonna terrorize the wife when I'm released! =)

A Black guy named "Slim" here is a life long criminal. He's beaten 2 murder cases already, and is here on a drug case... He told me "Man you're wasting a year of your life, you have the world in the palm of your hand... none of us have s***, that's why we're here. Do this year and don't look back, this place ain't for people like you, you have opportunity." It was heavy coming from him and I think it will stick with me forever.

County Mike
08-03-2010, 07:07 PM
Anybody else think he's full of sh*t? I doubt they planned on putting him in solitary because he's a "celebrity". I'm guessing most people have no clue who he is and the ones who do, don't care.

Also, he'll only throw body shots in a rumble so he doesn't hurt anyone. Even in jail, he's trying to hype himeself up.

Also: If you don't like the price of things in jail, DON'T BREAK THE LAW.

08-10-2010, 05:29 PM
Week 3 -

"First off I wanna thank all of you that have been writing to me. I have been getting mail from as far away as Russia and Australia! It's neat to know my career has brought attention to me from so far away.

I had my first scare this week. I was laying in my bunk when a neighbors "fishing line" hit my door and got stuck beneath it. I got up to free it (half tube toothpaste attached to string), and it broke, leaving it with me. When I looked into the tube it was filled with what I'm pretty sure was drugs. The lights were dim and I just assumed my initial presumption was correct. I kinda panicked and just kept picturing guards coming into my cell and busting me. I wondered how many extra years I'd get... Anyway, I hid it in my trash and waited 'til breakfast with crossed fingers. As soon as our doors "popped" in the AM, I went to the inmate whom the line belonged to and told him "It's in my trash, go grab it." He said, "It's cool, I have more." I told him that I didn't wanna get busted and I don't do drugs anyway, and he started laughing. I guess they use crumbled soap bars to weigh down the tubes of toothpaste... LOL! ****in scared the **** outta me for NO REASON!!
What else... Oh ****. I tried some prund! Basically jail moonshine, they make it from fermented fruit, sugar, and water. It takes like 5 days and tastes like some ****ed up wine but hey =)
I had a very good conversation with a Somalia born Muslim named "50." I think he's a "blood" anyway, he just got sentenced to life for some murders he was accused of. Anyway, he's actually a very intelligent guy. Real nice too. I feel bad for this guy, real bad. I get to meet the man and see the pictures of his children. He's a human, not a monster. He was telling me how the media portrayed his case and utilized our nations preconceived notions and prejudice to convict him instead of the facts. They painted him as a "Somalian" and a "Muslim" even though his family immigrated here to escape all that and are proud American citizens now. Thinking on it, he's right. I myself would judge him on it, I know my SEAL friends would too. ****, I think just a few months ago I tweeted something about how I hated "nasty Muslims." I never even had a clue as to what they believe until he explained it to me. It really opened my eyes. I think all Americans born and raised here are just as brain washed as me and my friends. We all need to question what we hear in the media and what our government tries to program us with. We need to stay open minded.
New Subject... Still smooth sailing in regards to trouble. I think being a pro fighter/athlete is really turning out to be a plus in here. The guards are courteous to me and I get a lot of respect from inmates. They all really would rather just ask me **** and everyone keeps saying they're gonna go to Undisputed when they get out and I hope they do. We can always need more members and these guys could use a positive hobby. Oh ****, and I almost forgot..
We got some weird old Mexican dude here and he says he's an Army Ranger Sergeant out of Texas who was sent to CA to investigate the police here and their involvement in the 911 Terrorist Attack and when he tried to arrest a cop, the other cops jumped him and put him here... Too bad he's like 55, fat, and looks like Mr. Magoo!! HAHA!! Crazy ****er! I think he's just scared here so he made that story up to sound bad ass... Anyway, just thought I'd share that funny tid bit."

08-19-2010, 01:51 AM
Here's a shocker: doing this blog has been a bad idea & got War in trouble!! :laugh:

We were disappointed, though not totally surprised today when we visited War Machine's Twitter page (http://www.google.ca/url?q=http://twitter.com/warmachine170&sa=U&ei=eSZrTNa-CJaJnwexi7mYAQ&ved=0CB4QFjAB&sig2=Spqgg4DkCY6QKw2BPKvQOQ&usg=AFQjCNGz77TxVHD-zUx9h7RpzH_4Lfv3WA)and found that the beleaguered fighter's prison blogs had been removed.

We figured it was only a matter of time before prison or court officials got wind of War's documented exploits behind bars (http://www.cagepotato.com/war-machine-big-house-blog-2-scrabble-sex-deprivation-and-sage-advice) that included drinking prison moonshine and finding a fellow inmate's fishing line used to share contraband with other cons in his cell block.

Apparently we were right on the money with our estimate that he wouldn't get through three weeks (http://www.cagepotato.com/war-machines-big-house-blog-number-three-murderers-moonshine-and-mexican-mr-magoo) without getting in trouble and that his big house blogs would be his undoing.

Well, it was fun while it lasted.

According to KGTV's 10News.com (http://www.10news.com/news/24604576/detail.html) during a sentencing hearing on Thursday in San Diego federal court, the fighter once known as Jon Koppenhaver pissed off the presiding judge so much that he tore up a proposed plea agreement that would have seen Machine sentenced to a year in county jail and three years probation for allegedly punching a security guard outside a club during a brawl and assaulting a female bartender at another club by sweeping bottles off the bar at her.

Before tearing up the all but signed, sealed and delivered plea deal, the judge warned the former UFC welterweight what would happen if he screwed up again and threw a punch or kick outside of the cage or ring.
"Do it again, and you won't be able to fight your way out of a state prison sentence," the judge said, adding that he would likely be sent away for five years if he saw the inside of a courtroom for similar reasons in the future.

If you recall, Machine was dropped by the UFC after he posted a message on his Twitter page about his theory that Evan Tanner, who had passed away during a survivalist camping excursion had actually committed suicide.

Now it seems that his Twitter addiction is partially to blame for his latest legal debacle.

According to the KGTV report the judge based part of his decision to reject the plea bargain on a number of flippant tweets (http://www.cagepotato.com/war-machine-survives-first-week-prison-hopes-avoid-lame-drama) Machine made about his prison experience that were logged by prosecutors including one about him wanting to smuggle "a few hundred Ambien in (to jail) to sleep the year away!"

You'd think he would learn from the problems that Twitter has caused him in the past.

It could be argued that the evidence is circumstantial as it wasn't War Machine who posted the messages. According to a tweet he made before going into the big house, he was relaying the blog content via telephone conversation to a friend who was posting it to his account.

Regardless of his Twitter defense, he may have already made his bed as the judge said that he was also upset with Machine's attitude in court on Thursday.

In a nutshell, had he simply agreed to the sentence and probationary terms of the plea agreement and just quietly served his year in county jail, War Machine (http://www.cagepotato.com/spooky-halloween-news-war-machine-doing-porn) would have not received any further punishment. Since he remarked that he hadn't had a chance to read the plea, thus wasting another day in court, the judge has decided he to send the matter back to trial on August 24, which could mean War could be sent to state prison for longer than one year and could have up to five years of restrictive probation when he gets out.

Hopefully for his sake, prison officials don't receive an order to tear apart the cells to find the hooch makers or fishing line holders or else he may be on the receiving end of an arranged (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5sIXUbMgF0) p (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5sIXUbMgF0)rison marriage (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5sIXUbMgF0) some prison justice.

08-19-2010, 01:55 AM
What an idiot.

08-19-2010, 04:39 AM
Does he have a court-appointed attorney or what? I'd think his attorney would have gone over the plea agreement with him before they stepped back in front of a judge. :unsure-1:

I wouldn't think his "mates" would be too happy with him blabbin' via twitter all their in-house secrets either. :rolleyes:

I'm afraid he's going to end up getting himself killed....or worse (especially if he ends up in the state pen.). :unsure:

08-25-2010, 05:06 PM
TMZ (http://www.tmz.com/2010/08/24/war-machine-ufc-sentenced-felony-assault-guilty-san-diego-bar/) reports that War Machine has been sentenced to one year in jail and three years of probation for felony assault stemming from a bar fight earlier this year. He is also banned from any drinking establishments, including bars and nightclubs, during his probation.

08-25-2010, 05:49 PM
:laugh: is it wrong that I find this whole debarcle so amusing :huh:

04-01-2011, 07:50 PM
War just posted a new update:

I know why people do drugs now... At least I think I know. Before, I never stood why people seek that high, day after day... to escape reality! In the past, especially in my youth, my reality was very bad... But, I chose working out and using women as my "drug." I think mostly what saved me was the precedent set by my drug addict mother, step-father, aunt, uncle, and later 1st love, I knew what drugs could cause and wanted no part of it. As a man, I can count my "friends" on the fingers of one hand and my wife as all I REALLY have. Although I've learned it's more than enough, people make mistakes & people die. So after that, all I REALLY have is my word and that is IRON. I've never worn a "filter" in my communication to my fans or to the public in general. I don't respect other fighters/athletes/stars that act one way to the camera, and another in reality. People who say what they are expected to say, what is politically correct to say, or what an agent told them to say, make me sick. Because of this, no matter how great a fighter I become, I'll never be the poster child of any big corporation... but because of this I will always be able to respect myself and that matters most. Also, I live my life publicly to all of you, so that you can all relate to someone "famous" and see that I feel the same as you and suffer and enjoy the same. As much as I always speak of, "HATE this, HATE that," I really LOVE a lot and if me being me hurts me, here and there... but helps others... it's worth it.

Plain and simple, I'm miserable in here... It's the boredom, the NOTHING. It's eating me up. I came here 195 lbs, I'm now 175 lbs. and I didn't have fat to lose, so that •••• is muscle. My wife struggles financially as she still hasn't received her green card and all that to work... and I can't do anything to help. If not for my friends, I don't even know what we would do. I hear the stories of other guys here suffering even worse. They are looking at YEARS in prison, with pregnant wives, children and all the •••• that goes with it, and my heart hurts for them. Most of the guys aren't "bad people" and jail won't change their mistakes, it's only killing their spirit & destroying their families. As I've mentioned in earlier blogs, all these guys are constantly using dope. Until now, every "junkie" in my life hid it from me, so I've never been able to understand it. In here, I'm always asking, "What is that one like?"

I dunno, it's the human curiosity I guess. I mean is there really somethin' "magic" that truly is so great it's worth ruining lives? The same curiosity that makes me ask what it's like, is what makes others find out for themselves. From talking to everyone here, yeah it feels good, but really it just makes them forget. Forget what ever may be the current problem in their lives haunting them. Then, the thing that separates life-long addicts from the temporary ones seems to be the longevity and seriousness of those problems to THEM. I was raised by a cop, my dad, and he had me to believe that the hard drugs can leave you hooked your 1st time, forever ••••ing your life. Here, everyone calls "bull••••" on that. A lot of them have had YEARS of sobriety in between using, and the real "relapse" is just a new problem they don't want to deal with, and in turn, they mask it with dope.

Back to me and the reason I am bringing up the whole dope issue... I'm ashamed of myself in here. Since I was 14, I've worked out 5 or 6 days a week, never bull••••ting for more than a month. Right now, I can't stick to any type of regiment for more than 10 days! I'm showing a weakness to myself that I never even knew existed... I'm so bored & miserable I even consider joining in with the guys and getting ••••ed up. I feel like I want to be high EVERY day, just like them. And just like them, float around here care-less to the world. How nice it would be to erase this endless boredom, to forget this situation and just "wake up" when it's over. I'm convinced I'd never get addicted; I know I could stop and get out resuming the life of an athlete. I just always promised myself I'd NEVER do that ••••, so I don't. ••••, I hate to feel this weak. If there is one reason that I know I'll never do anything to land myself back in jail again... it's this.

I never want to feel so physically & MENTALLY weak again. It embarrasses me to admit how weak I am. ••••, even fighting, I KNOW I could smash anyone here in seconds, but I'm forced to realistically be a coward. Even if someone hit me I'd be scared to defend myself! I KNOW that the DA (and the rest of the ones that love taking away our human rights) are just waiting, frothing at the mouth, to hear I was involved with any type of trouble like that. It's a sad day in the U.S. when a man has to be scared to rightfully defend himself. And this knowledge, that I can not and must not defend myself, just adds to the deterioration of my mental strength. Oh, and this week is my b-day (Nov. 30th). I'll be 29. Soon after, it will be Christmas and this just furthers gets me down.

I know these next couple of months are gonna be rough. And ••••... there's a young kid here only 18 years old... He just got sentenced to LIFE for a murder that he did not commit. He's young and impressionable and in a gang, but that's the life of a young Mexican who grows up in the barrio. He's a good kid though, he just needs some guidance. What happened was that him and his older "homie" were walking to the store and a few rival gangsters jumped them. His older homie shot and killed one of them. The 2 that survived told the cops that it was the youngster and the older guy and they were arrested. The 18 yr. old did the right thing and didn't "rat" on his partner. But the older guy refused to step up and take responsibility for what he did, and instead, let this young kid who, who proved his loyalty, go down right along with him. I'm depressed for him. He tries to smile and act okay, but I know he's not. The DA knows the truth... the older one's dumbass bragged about it on Facebook! But the DA's office proved once again that they don't want to find the truth, they just want to put more human beings in prison. They wouldn't even offer the kid any type of deal! He didn't do anything but be poor, come from a family with no role models, and join a gang. Now he will spend his entire life in prison, never eligible for parole. It's ••••ed up. I wish there was some way to help him, but wishes are for genies and genies aren't real.

04-01-2011, 08:14 PM
So there's a 5 month delay in him updating his blog or am I missing something?

Either way... he comes across as an extremely gullible idiot who is simply wasting his time away instead of actually owning up to his own crap and trying to change.

I mean doesn't he understand that prisons and jails are full of innocent people and that the DA only cares about ruining the lives of minorities?

I thought we all knew that?????????

04-01-2011, 08:43 PM
So there's a 5 month delay in him updating his blog or am I missing something?

Either way... he comes across as an extremely gullible idiot who is simply wasting his time away instead of actually owning up to his own crap and trying to change.

I mean doesn't he understand that prisons and jails are full of innocent people and that the DA only cares about ruining the lives of minorities?

I thought we all knew that?????????
Well, he had gotten his phone privileges revoked/suspended or whatever because he was doing these. Apparently he's found a way to get them back out again.

04-01-2011, 08:44 PM
So his blog is all about ratting out the rest of the prisoners for drug abuse???
that should work out really well for him....
I'll pray for him and his family

04-01-2011, 08:52 PM
Hopefully a pastor or some sort of jail ministry gets the opportunity to share the gospel with this guy and the Lord saves him!