PDA

View Full Version : Stupid Question about Love


Krupp
09-06-2009, 01:37 AM
I usually don't make terribly stupid threads, and usually, I'm a real cool guy. But tonight has been very, very interesting for me, as have the past couple of weeks. I've been thinking about something really hard for a while, so I could use your guys' opinions. Feel free to make fun of me for this thread, but I just gotta know the answer.

How do you know if you're in love? I mean, sincerely, you love someone and could see yourself marrying them?

I appreciate all advice given here, and I forgive those who judge and mock me haha...

Josh
09-06-2009, 01:51 AM
Usually a pretty good gauge is as follows: If you are prepared to make an internet thread about it than she is the one.:laugh:


Just messin' with ya. Are you prepared to put her before yourself for the rest of your life? If so take a knee my man.

MattHughesRocks
09-06-2009, 02:49 AM
Love is a state of mind.Unless you gave birth to it....you'll get over it :laugh:

adamt
09-06-2009, 03:14 AM
uh oh....... you hit my button......


love is not a feeling. you don't fall in love. you fall off a cliff. if you get married based on feeling, and vice versa, you're gonna be miserable in somewhere between 6 months - five years, then you're gonna be in divorce court.

DO NOT act on feelings. Date with your head. Not your heart first. And not with your other head first either! Feelings are great to have, but many a relationship has prospered when there were no feelings to begin with. Betrothal marriages actually have much higher success rates than do self picked ones. Not saying you should get betrothed just saying. Make sure you have standards, make sure she meets them, make sure you are compatible. I hope you have alot of the important things in common before you fell in love. Finances, number of kids, hopes, goals, dreams, career paths to a certain degree...... make sure she doesn't have "deal breajers". Things that just won't work when the infatuation wears off..... and trust the millions of divorced people out there.... it will wear off. If you don't trust them, trust their kids, they are the ones that suffer.....


anyways, wanna know if you're in love?

how commited are you, or are willing to be??? That's what love is.... It's not infatuation.... I'm sure you like her, and have fallen head over heels in "like", but marriage is supposed to be permanent. Put two people together with the right situations and pheromones and they'll eventually like each other. Ask the betrothed people. However, for the long haul, you're GONNA HAVE to be committed. Can you commit to that person for the rest of your life. If you are hades-bent on being with that person in fifty years, then you better cut and run as soon as possible.

I'm not saying you have to have everything in common, but having the important things in common sure helps. ALOT!!!!

I knew I needed a farm girl and very conservative christian....very set apart.... and very good looking girl. If they didn't have those things I didn't even bother giving a second glance. When I found that... I let my guard down, fell in love, and won't tell you how quick we got married. And the great thing is, we keep improving. We have been getting better and better since our wedding day..... not like alot of marriages that their wedding day is their most "in love" day.

Are you a christian??? A devout christian. I could preach alot more if it meant something to you. I just talked logical in this post. But if you're a God fearing fella. There might be more to say!

NateR
09-06-2009, 03:36 AM
uh oh....... you hit my button......


love is not a feeling. you don't fall in love. you fall off a cliff. if you get married based on feeling, and vice versa, you're gonna be miserable in somewhere between 6 months - five years, then you're gonna be in divorce court.

DO NOT act on feelings. Date with your head. Not your heart first. And not with your other head first either! Feelings are great to have, but many a relationship has prospered when there were no feelings to begin with. Betrothal marriages actually have much higher success rates than do self picked ones. Not saying you should get betrothed just saying. Make sure you have standards, make sure she meets them, make sure you are compatible. I hope you have alot of the important things in common before you fell in love. Finances, number of kids, hopes, goals, dreams, career paths to a certain degree...... make sure she doesn't have "deal breajers". Things that just won't work when the infatuation wears off..... and trust the millions of divorced people out there.... it will wear off. If you don't trust them, trust their kids, they are the ones that suffer.....


anyways, wanna know if you're in love?

how commited are you, or are willing to be??? That's what love is.... It's not infatuation.... I'm sure you like her, and have fallen head over heels in "like", but marriage is supposed to be permanent. Put two people together with the right situations and pheromones and they'll eventually like each other. Ask the betrothed people. However, for the long haul, you're GONNA HAVE to be committed. Can you commit to that person for the rest of your life. If you are hades-bent on being with that person in fifty years, then you better cut and run as soon as possible.

I'm not saying you have to have everything in common, but having the important things in common sure helps. ALOT!!!!

I knew I needed a farm girl and very conservative christian....very set apart.... and very good looking girl. If they didn't have those things I didn't even bother giving a second glance. When I found that... I let my guard down, fell in love, and won't tell you how quick we got married. And the great thing is, we keep improving. We have been getting better and better since our wedding day..... not like alot of marriages that their wedding day is their most "in love" day.

Are you a christian??? A devout christian. I could preach alot more if it meant something to you. I just talked logical in this post. But if you're a God fearing fella. There might be more to say!

Overall some pretty good advice. I would just add that, while there are emotions involved, love is more of a decision that you make not an emotion that you feel.

NateR
09-06-2009, 03:58 AM
Another interesting thing that I learned when I studied Sociology, is that prior to World War 2 the idea that two young people would decide for themselves who they would marry (with little to no input from the parents) based solely on romantic feelings, was considered perverse.

When marriages were arranged by the parents or matchmakers divorces were a rarity. Today we have 1 out of every 2 marriages ending in divorce, so obviously there is something seriously wrong with our society's current view of marriage.

Buzzard
09-06-2009, 04:02 AM
If you can get the milk for free, why buy a cow?

Someone had to say it.

NateR
09-06-2009, 04:04 AM
If you can get the milk for free, why buy a cow?

Someone had to say it.

Actually, you bring up a good point. If sex is the primary motivation for you to get married, then you are getting married for self-centered reasons and thus are more likely to run into problems later on when that initial physical attraction wears off (which it will).

MattHughesRocks
09-06-2009, 04:08 AM
And it does...again and again and again :laugh:

Just kidding.Had to be said :ninja:

:laugh:


Actually, you bring up a good point. If sex is the primary motivation for you to get married, then you are getting married for self-centered reasons and thus are more likely to run into problems later on when that initial physical attraction wears off (which it will).

adamt
09-06-2009, 04:09 AM
If you can get the milk for free, why buy a cow?

Someone had to say it.

hopefully he's not getting the "milk" that makes for a whole nother set of problems.

Llamafighter
09-06-2009, 07:17 AM
It sounds cliche... but really, you just know. You realize that there is someone else on the Earth that you care about more than anyone else, and would love to wake up everyday next to. The last person you think of before you go to sleep and the first person you think of when you wake up. You just know. I met my wife when I had really given up on finding a girl that wouldn't crush me. I was caught off guard and now 9 years later we are still very happy. often we communicate through slight glances and a raise of the eyebrow. that's all i got

Neezar
09-06-2009, 08:23 AM
uh oh....... you hit my button......


love is not a feeling. you don't fall in love. you fall off a cliff. if you get married based on feeling, and vice versa, you're gonna be miserable in somewhere between 6 months - five years, then you're gonna be in divorce court.

DO NOT act on feelings. Date with your head. Not your heart first. And not with your other head first either! Feelings are great to have, but many a relationship has prospered when there were no feelings to begin with. Betrothal marriages actually have much higher success rates than do self picked ones. Not saying you should get betrothed just saying. Make sure you have standards, make sure she meets them, make sure you are compatible. I hope you have alot of the important things in common before you fell in love. Finances, number of kids, hopes, goals, dreams, career paths to a certain degree...... make sure she doesn't have "deal breajers". Things that just won't work when the infatuation wears off..... and trust the millions of divorced people out there.... it will wear off. If you don't trust them, trust their kids, they are the ones that suffer.....


anyways, wanna know if you're in love?

how commited are you, or are willing to be??? That's what love is.... It's not infatuation.... I'm sure you like her, and have fallen head over heels in "like", but marriage is supposed to be permanent. Put two people together with the right situations and pheromones and they'll eventually like each other. Ask the betrothed people. However, for the long haul, you're GONNA HAVE to be committed. Can you commit to that person for the rest of your life. If you are hades-bent on being with that person in fifty years, then you better cut and run as soon as possible.

I'm not saying you have to have everything in common, but having the important things in common sure helps. ALOT!!!!

I knew I needed a farm girl and very conservative christian....very set apart.... and very good looking girl. If they didn't have those things I didn't even bother giving a second glance. When I found that... I let my guard down, fell in love, and won't tell you how quick we got married. And the great thing is, we keep improving. We have been getting better and better since our wedding day..... not like alot of marriages that their wedding day is their most "in love" day.

Are you a christian??? A devout christian. I could preach alot more if it meant something to you. I just talked logical in this post. But if you're a God fearing fella. There might be more to say!

Betrothed marriages only lasted longer when the law wouldn't grant you a divorce and you knew better than to try. :rolleyes:

Tyburn
09-06-2009, 11:09 AM
I usually don't make terribly stupid threads, and usually, I'm a real cool guy. But tonight has been very, very interesting for me, as have the past couple of weeks. I've been thinking about something really hard for a while, so I could use your guys' opinions. Feel free to make fun of me for this thread, but I just gotta know the answer.

How do you know if you're in love? I mean, sincerely, you love someone and could see yourself marrying them?

I appreciate all advice given here, and I forgive those who judge and mock me haha...

The answer is, you dont.

Marriage is as much about choice as it is about Love. Once you love someone, your physically attracted to them, but they are also your best friend, and you are depressed without them, you share and do everything together....then maintaining that after the honeymoon period...is about choosing to be always honnest, always have good and constant communication, and being dedicated.

You know that whatever happens, you will stay with that person, and thats a rational conscious choice, no matter how bad things get, or whatever mistakes they make (you are allowed by Biblical law to end such relationships by choice after an affaire...because in theory that would mean the punishment of death for the cheater and thus release you from the commitment)

The question is...do you want. Would you like? are you ready to become, in essence one being, because that is what marriage symbolizes.

Krupp
09-06-2009, 02:16 PM
Well this thread blew up much more so than I anticipated. Thanks for the advice guys. I appreciate it.

TexasRN
09-06-2009, 02:38 PM
I agree with adamt and NateR. You have to decide that even on days you don't like this person (and it'll happen occasionally) you will still stick by her. You decide to be a team against the world forever. Does she have the qualities that you respect and admire so that you will still be proud to have her standing by your side even though just hours before you were in an argument over something at home? Is she the one you want raising your children? Is it ok with you if your children look and act just like her? Will you be willing to take care of her when she's ill? Will she be that committed to you? Do you get along with her family and she with yours? Trust me on this one, it makes it soooo much harder when you have to deal with ugliness there. There's a lot that goes into it but love is an emotion and a choice.

Good luck to you and I hope that she's the one. :w00t:

~Amy

Primadawn
09-06-2009, 03:28 PM
Some really good advice in this thread! I would also add to really take a good long look at what it is you think you like about her and really consider how sustainable that is. For instance, is there something you're intrigued by about her because it's foreign to you or something that she does that you consider "quirky" now? Guess what? They're cute now, but will drive you crazy later. Figure out if you can live with that. Love doesn't really conquer all...:laugh:

Boomer
09-06-2009, 03:53 PM
What has worked in the past is .. pay for an actor to stage a hit. He will come up and shoot you after a movie or night out on the town. You can get some really cool effects for really cheap. A vest that goes under your shirt with a remote blood caplet release is only like 100 bucks. once the guy "shoots" you have him take your wallet and run off. One of a few things will happen that will show you if its true love and will last:

1) She runs off screaming and crying - If this is the case dump her. When the going gets tough its allllll about her.

2) She runs after the guy, tackles him and takes your wallet back. - If this is the case dump her. The focal point of her interest in anything is money or physical things and she will never be satisfied with what she has and as soon as you can't give her what she wants materialistically she'll either leave you or make your life a living hell until you leave her.

3) She passes out ... if this happens dump her. She won't do good in pregnancy and will always need you to be the "strong one." Chances are she whines a lot too.

4) She runs to your side teary eyed calling for someone to call 911. If this happens she is a keeper. The wallet wasn't on her mind, she pushed through the pain of a stressful situation to help someone else and she is more worried about you then the situation. She'll be a good mom and wife .. and you'll grow old and happy together.

If after you reveal that this was all just one big test and she gets really really angry ...
Dump her .. find someone who can take a joke.

Yes, I'm 34 and single.

TexasRN
09-06-2009, 04:14 PM
What has worked in the past is .. pay for an actor to stage a hit. He will come up and shoot you after a movie or night out on the town. You can get some really cool effects for really cheap. A vest that goes under your shirt with a remote blood caplet release is only like 100 bucks. once the guy "shoots" you have him take your wallet and run off. One of a few things will happen that will show you if its true love and will last:

1) She runs off screaming and crying - If this is the case dump her. When the going gets tough its allllll about her.

2) She runs after the guy, tackles him and takes your wallet back. - If this is the case dump her. The focal point of her interest in anything is money or physical things and she will never be satisfied with what she has and as soon as you can't give her what she wants materialistically she'll either leave you or make your life a living hell until you leave her.

3) She passes out ... if this happens dump her. She won't do good in pregnancy and will always need you to be the "strong one." Chances are she whines a lot too.

4) She runs to your side teary eyed calling for someone to call 911. If this happens she is a keeper. The wallet wasn't on her mind, she pushed through the pain of a stressful situation to help someone else and she is more worried about you then the situation. She'll be a good mom and wife .. and you'll grow old and happy together.

If after you reveal that this was all just one big test and she gets really really angry ...
Dump her .. find someone who can take a joke.

Yes, I'm 34 and single.


:laugh::laugh::laugh:

Oh dear, Boomer. You're a mess. What do you do if the girl does this to you first to test you?


~Amy

Boomer
09-06-2009, 05:16 PM
:laugh::laugh::laugh:

Oh dear, Boomer. You're a mess. What do you do if the girl does this to you first to test you?


~Amy

Dump her ... how dare she out think me. :angry:

:D

MattHughesRocks
09-06-2009, 05:47 PM
:laugh:

Llamafighter
09-06-2009, 07:41 PM
What has worked in the past is .. pay for an actor to stage a hit. He will come up and shoot you after a movie or night out on the town. You can get some really cool effects for really cheap. A vest that goes under your shirt with a remote blood caplet release is only like 100 bucks. once the guy "shoots" you have him take your wallet and run off. One of a few things will happen that will show you if its true love and will last:

1) She runs off screaming and crying - If this is the case dump her. When the going gets tough its allllll about her.

2) She runs after the guy, tackles him and takes your wallet back. - If this is the case dump her. The focal point of her interest in anything is money or physical things and she will never be satisfied with what she has and as soon as you can't give her what she wants materialistically she'll either leave you or make your life a living hell until you leave her.

3) She passes out ... if this happens dump her. She won't do good in pregnancy and will always need you to be the "strong one." Chances are she whines a lot too.

4) She runs to your side teary eyed calling for someone to call 911. If this happens she is a keeper. The wallet wasn't on her mind, she pushed through the pain of a stressful situation to help someone else and she is more worried about you then the situation. She'll be a good mom and wife .. and you'll grow old and happy together.

If after you reveal that this was all just one big test and she gets really really angry ...
Dump her .. find someone who can take a joke.

Yes, I'm 34 and single.

Now THAT'S a test!

Krupp
09-06-2009, 09:09 PM
Now THAT'S a test!

Now THAT'S advice hahahahahahaha. I might have to give that one a go. It fits my kind of humor perfectly.

Bonnie
09-06-2009, 09:34 PM
What has worked in the past is .. pay for an actor to stage a hit. He will come up and shoot you after a movie or night out on the town. You can get some really cool effects for really cheap. A vest that goes under your shirt with a remote blood caplet release is only like 100 bucks. once the guy "shoots" you have him take your wallet and run off. One of a few things will happen that will show you if its true love and will last:

1) She runs off screaming and crying - If this is the case dump her. When the going gets tough its allllll about her.

2) She runs after the guy, tackles him and takes your wallet back. - If this is the case dump her. The focal point of her interest in anything is money or physical things and she will never be satisfied with what she has and as soon as you can't give her what she wants materialistically she'll either leave you or make your life a living hell until you leave her.

3) She passes out ... if this happens dump her. She won't do good in pregnancy and will always need you to be the "strong one." Chances are she whines a lot too.

4) She runs to your side teary eyed calling for someone to call 911. If this happens she is a keeper. The wallet wasn't on her mind, she pushed through the pain of a stressful situation to help someone else and she is more worried about you then the situation. She'll be a good mom and wife .. and you'll grow old and happy together.

If after you reveal that this was all just one big test and she gets really really angry ...
Dump her .. find someone who can take a joke.

Yes, I'm 34 and single.

Looks like you're headed for 35 and single. :laugh:

MattHughesRocks
09-06-2009, 09:36 PM
And then some...like, until he's old enough for me! :laugh:


Looks like you're headed for 35 and single. :laugh:

Bonnie
09-06-2009, 10:32 PM
A lot of good advice from people who've obviously been through the fire, I mean, heavenly matrimony (well, except for Boomer :rolleyes:). :laugh:

Unfortunately, a lot of people are drawn together because of physcial attraction but have nothing much else in common. And doubly unfortunate is people get married way too young before they've lived long enough to know who they are let alone know what they want/need in a lifelong mate.

Take your time and get to know each other, your likes, interests; talk about kids, faith, religion, politics, money; definitely get to know each other's family.

Believe me when you're young and "in love" you don't think about a lot of that stuff, but all of it can and usually will become important issues down the road that can sour and/or destroy any happily-ever-after.

MattHughesRocks
09-06-2009, 10:58 PM
Yeah, make sure he knows how to cook and clean before you even consider because all that other stuff wears off.It's washing your car that will keep you together.

Krupp
09-06-2009, 11:08 PM
A lot of good advice from people who've obviously been through the fire, I mean, heavenly matrimony (well, except for Boomer :rolleyes:). :laugh:

Unfortunately, a lot of people are drawn together because of physcial attraction but have nothing much else in common. And doubly unfortunate is people get married way too young before they've lived long enough to know who they are let alone know what they want/need in a lifelong mate.

Take your time and get to know each other, your likes, interests; talk about kids, faith, religion, politics, money; definitely get to know each other's family.

Believe me when you're young and "in love" you don't think about a lot of that stuff, but all of it can and usually will become important issues down the road that can sour and/or destroy any happily-ever-after.

Good news about that is, I have been discussing these kinds of things with her, and faith in particular. She, like me, is a born again Christian. This is gonna sound funny, but it really has very little to do how she looks (although she is beautiful in my eyes...and shorter than me too; that always helps a man who's only five-four) and to summarize, we're more similar than I can dare to believe. My family knows her family. I've known her since I was twelve and she was eleven. We hadn't spoken in eight years until last year, and we hit it off right away. On an average for every time we talk, we talk about three hours at least (that's an estimate on the average amount anyways)

So...suffice to say, it's more than just looks for me. She's just a wonderful person, and she understands what it means to truly live for Christ now. And so do I; i don't think I've made it secret that I've had my ups and downs with God in the last few years. Right now I'm feeling more in tune with Christ than I have in my whole life.

and besides that...I've been thinking nonstop about living with her for the past few weeks. I've actually gotten comfortable with the idea, and helping her raise her son as well. I'm actually getting comfortable with somethign that three years ago would've terrified me. I don't know if this means I'm getting old or what.

I turn 21 this thursday, by the way. Cripes, maybe I AM getting old.

Neezar
09-07-2009, 12:34 AM
and besides that...I've been thinking nonstop about living with her for the past few weeks. I've actually gotten comfortable with the idea, and helping her raise her son as well. I'm actually getting comfortable with somethign that three years ago would've terrified me. I don't know if this means I'm getting old or what.

I turn 21 this thursday, by the way. Cripes, maybe I AM getting old.

Hold on there, Romeo. Did you say 'living with her'? Do you mean without marrying her? :mellow:




I don't know if this means I'm getting old or what.

I turn 21 this thursday, by the way. Cripes, maybe I AM getting old.

pfft. :dry:

Krupp
09-07-2009, 12:38 AM
Hold on there, Romeo. Did you say 'living with her'? Do you mean without marrying her? :mellow:






pfft. :dry:

Of course I would marry her first. I hadn't meant to imply just straight up moving in with her. I'm not that kind of guy.

And yeah, I do feel old. I don't know how some of you old-timers deal with it so well hahaha..

Bonnie
09-07-2009, 12:44 AM
Yeah, make sure he knows how to cook and clean before you even consider because all that other stuff wears off.It's washing your car that will keep you together.

Oh, yeah, now you're talking! :w00t:

MattHughesRocks
09-07-2009, 02:47 AM
All I ever needed to kmow about the subject I did by the time I was 21 :wink:


Oh, yeah, now you're talking! :w00t:

Mark
09-07-2009, 03:20 AM
Betrothed marriages only lasted longer when the law wouldn't grant you a divorce and you knew better than to try. :rolleyes:

How did you know your husband was the one? give us some real advice on this.

Black Mamba
09-07-2009, 03:21 AM
Krupp, you're going to be 21 and possibly thinking about settling down. Hmmmm. Are you situated? Stable income? Car? Home? My parents have been married for 25 years, and as my Dad says love won't pay the bills.

If you have all the above, then I'll give you this quote on love.

"Love is many things, but never unsure." ~ Maya Angelou

mikthehick
09-07-2009, 06:49 AM
I usually don't make terribly stupid threads, and usually, I'm a real cool guy. But tonight has been very, very interesting for me, as have the past couple of weeks. I've been thinking about something really hard for a while, so I could use your guys' opinions. Feel free to make fun of me for this thread, but I just gotta know the answer.

How do you know if you're in love? I mean, sincerely, you love someone and could see yourself marrying them?

I appreciate all advice given here, and I forgive those who judge and mock me haha...

Love isn't complicated. It's very simple actually. People make it complicated.

Sure I love my family, friends, car, horses, etc....but to really truly be 'in love', I think it's more to do with your soul more than anything. You'll just know.

I wish it were easier to explain (and maybe I'm missing something), but I think if you are serious about getting married, then you really need to be seriously thinking about life after the honeymoon (ie, bills, house payments, job, car, kids if you guys want them, etc.)

Also look at the fact that you are NOT old at all. There are plenty of people older than you and who aren't married. I just turned 26, and honestly, life is freakin awesome right now. I don't need a partner to complete me, I'm complete with God. I don't need a guy to stand on my own feet. It's the gumption that has kept me going independently since high school and college.

I would love to get married and have kids one day, absolutely, but when the right time comes, you will know. Marriage is a huge committment. Imo, I think it should be for life, but you look at the US statistics now and 1 in 2 marriages ends in divorce.

It's just a huge question, and one that should be considered carefully. I wish you the best Nick!

que
09-07-2009, 07:04 AM
like the oracle told neo, no one can tell you if you're in love or not. you just now it. balls to bone.


if you have to ask people on an internet forum, then you have not found love yet.

when you are in love, you will know it.

Boomer
09-07-2009, 07:05 AM
Now THAT'S advice hahahahahahaha. I might have to give that one a go. It fits my kind of humor perfectly.

:laugh: Krupp ... please don't take that seriously. :laugh: Funny in print, not so much when your gal has a nervous breakdown in public in front of God and everyone.

On a serious note, I've had this convo with more friends than I can count. Being 34 as stated, I have been in quite a few wedding parties ... over 20 I know, but lost track ... either a best man or a grooms man. Most guys have the same questions you are asking and in your question about love ... since you are a Christian, love in the Bible is addressed in many passages, but I love 1 Corinthians 13. A good test is to open up the Bible and read 1 Corinthians 13 and ask yourself, can I be patent with her, can I be kind to her, the things that she can do better than me am I jealous of (envy) , things that I do better than her, am I boastful of ... and so on. You will never be at 100% of all those things, but if she promotes your desire to be those things for her then I'd say you got the right gal.

As many people here have stated, the "feeling" of initial courtship will wear off. That doesn't mean don't enjoy them now ... especially at such a young age. Enjoy the three hour convos, the dates ... the whole process. It won't be like that forever .. but that is all the more reason to take it in now.

From everything you have written it sounds like you do love her. I think the question you are struggling with is more of, is this the right person for me to spend the rest of my life with, or as I have often found the real question men struggle with is am I ready for this type of commitment?

Marriage is a commitment before God and your family and friends to start a family. The cornerstone of every society present and past is the family unit. Having a common understanding and belief system in how the family unit should operate within the confines of society, as others have posted, will be important in the foundation of your relationship. Marriage is also the most unselfish thing you can commit too. You stop being an individual and you become a pair ... with our society mostly promoting individualism and always "do whats right for you" IMO is one of the reasons for a high divorce rate. Your life is not your own anymore after marriage, but becomes a part of another ... even more so when you have kids. Ask yourself if you are ready for that. Ask yourself if you think she is ready for that.

If you asked this to 100 different people, you would get 100 different answers. :laugh: Fact is I don't think that there is a "right" answer when it comes to many questions of the heart. For Christians Christ is always our safety net. No one will get life 100% right, and the fact of that is our decisions will affect those closest to us. Good or bad. I do think though that the two biggest decision one has to make in life is 1) who you marry and 2) what you do (profession). Those need the most time and consideration to avoid many of the pitfalls in life that so many people struggle with. :wink:

Whatever the course, keep God at the center of your life and decision making and you'll turn out fine.

~ Boom

Bonnie
09-07-2009, 07:57 AM
Boomer, you are going to make some lucky woman glad she waited for you to come into her life. :)

lyndsey823
09-07-2009, 09:49 AM
I agree with adamt and NateR. You have to decide that even on days you don't like this person (and it'll happen occasionally) you will still stick by her. You decide to be a team against the world forever. Does she have the qualities that you respect and admire so that you will still be proud to have her standing by your side even though just hours before you were in an argument over something at home? Is she the one you want raising your children? Is it ok with you if your children look and act just like her? Will you be willing to take care of her when she's ill? Will she be that committed to you? Do you get along with her family and she with yours? Trust me on this one, it makes it soooo much harder when you have to deal with ugliness there. There's a lot that goes into it but love is an emotion and a choice.

Good luck to you and I hope that she's the one. :w00t:

~Amy

i totally agree with you here amy!!! couldn't have said it better myself!!! especially the arguing part, and then having to turn right around and support each other. i was telling someone that i have never loved someone as much as i love my boyfriend but at the same time want to punch someone in the face so much.

but two days later, i was having an awful day at work. got yelled at by a surgeon, messed up an order, just a bad day. i walked in the door, he just smiled and asked "how was your day bug?" (his pet name for me?) i just lost it. sobbing like a baby, just cussing the doctor, saying i was going to lose my job, etc. he took me back to the bedroom, sat down and laid my head down in his lap. i know it's cheesy but he goes, "here, get under the covers, i'll rub your head, here's your stuffed bear. you just calm down" lol. ok, so, to answer your question, if your crazy girlfriend comes home and you do that for you her, and still want to be with her, you must love her. hahahaha.

love is a lot of hard work. it doesn't come easy. if it comes easy, it isn't worth it. it's about not only thinking about yourself, but someone else. i begged my boyfriend to marry me at 21, begged him. all my friends were, i was so jealous. he said no, we were too young. well, 6 years later, we are still together, not married yet which i am fine with, and ALL of them are divorced. so maybe you should wait just a bit. i knew he was the one when i busted my foot and was on crutches for 6 months. he litterally had to do everything for me for 6 months. basically had to move in and be my life in nurse. cook me dinner, wrap my leg for the shower, put me in the shower, clean the external fixater for months. he was my angel.

Boomer
09-07-2009, 11:11 AM
Boomer, you are going to make some lucky woman glad she waited for you to come into her life. :)


:laugh: Thank you for the kind words Bonnie, but I would have to disagree. :laugh: Honestly I too much enjoy being single and I am very emotionally selfish.

Jonlion
09-07-2009, 12:28 PM
Well seeing as this is all cliche territory, i have always subscribed to the idea that before you love someone else, you must learn to love yourself and be comfortable in your own skin. This has been my idea on the matter.

I then also heard a great sermon that spoke about issues of dating and that to fill the void in our hearts up with love from Jesus because no one else can. We can't fully heal one another or make one another complete, so you sound good to me already but just make sure this woman fills you with happiness and have jesus fill up the rest.


Best of luck my friend.

Neezar
09-07-2009, 12:31 PM
How did you know your husband was the one? give us some real advice on this.

Because he wanted to be just like you! :w00t:


:laugh:

Neezar
09-07-2009, 12:38 PM
"Love is many things, but never unsure." ~ Maya Angelou

Love isn't complicated. It's very simple actually. People make it complicated.

..... You'll just know.



like the oracle told neo, no one can tell you if you're in love or not. you just now it. balls to bone.

when you are in love, you will know it.

Oh, you young'uns! You have much to learn! Come back in 10 years and let's hear it.

It all depends on your definition of love. You can fall in and out of love as easily as you change clothes sometimes. The real question is 'Can I make this something that will last?' And you won't know that until 10years, a couple of kids, and years of bills and a house mortgage later! It is all about the relationship and what you make of it.

mikthehick
09-07-2009, 04:23 PM
Oh, you young'uns! You have much to learn! Come back in 10 years and let's hear it.

It all depends on your definition of love. You can fall in and out of love as easily as you change clothes sometimes. The real question is 'Can I make this something that will last?' And you won't know that until 10years, a couple of kids, and years of bills and a house mortgage later! It is all about the relationship and what you make of it.

Neezy, you are pretty much right here, we do have a lot to learn. Heck, by my own discourse, I decided to become a full time student again at 24. And I'm so blessed with the decision I made.

There was one guy in college, who said that he 'loved' me, but in the end, it was just more of a safety net. He didn't think it entirely through and it left both of us devastated. On this side of the fence, yes it was tough but we both learned a lot. Our church was telling us the importance or courtship and not dating around, and it seemed like all of our friends were getting married. The one thing I learned from that is if one person has fallen off the ship (him), and the other still has reservations (me), then it wasn't meant to be.

That is what I meant when I said people make love complicated. If it's meant to happen, it will find a way. I don't see any reason to stress about the future and what we don't know. We don't know how much time we have on this earth.:cool:

Black Mamba
09-07-2009, 06:01 PM
i was telling someone that i have never loved someone as much as i love my boyfriend but at the same time want to punch someone in the face so much.

Quoted for the truth. :laugh:

Black Mamba
09-07-2009, 06:05 PM
Oh, you young'uns! You have much to learn! Come back in 10 years and let's hear it.

It all depends on your definition of love. You can fall in and out of love as easily as you change clothes sometimes. The real question is 'Can I make this something that will last?' And you won't know that until 10years, a couple of kids, and years of bills and a house mortgage later! It is all about the relationship and what you make of it.

1) That's where I was getting at with my quote, but wanted to leave it open for interpretation. :)

2) Another Amen, except the fact that I don't want kids. I never saw myself as the motherly type. In kindergarten when most of my friends went straight for the dollies and babies, I went for the briefcase when we played house. :laugh:

Miss Foxy
09-08-2009, 05:02 PM
I think you know when your in love aside from all the giddy behavior is when you are willing to be selfless not selfish..When your thoughts are what can you do for them to make them smile or happy vs what are they gonna do for me.. Thats just my dumb ol opinion.. I am no love expert gee look at my pathetic love life lol... Hope this helps bro..:wink:

TENNESSEAN
09-08-2009, 05:33 PM
if you have to ask. your not.

Crisco
09-09-2009, 09:07 PM
I have to agree. True love is when you can love someone so much then no matter how crazy or mean she gets you can take it in stride.

I treat my relationship like I do my walk with Christ... Staying humble and accepting te burdens of having someone depend on you.


Love can really suck and it can be really great and the interesting thing about it is it will go back and fourth daily or mutliple times per day lol.

It's complicated. The ability to not punch your other in the face when they get crazy is a good sign =P

Crisco
09-09-2009, 09:08 PM
if you have to ask. your not.

I disagree. Asking is the best way to find out. Otherwise your just thinking with your other parts.

bradwright
09-10-2009, 02:27 AM
its good that you are trying to think this thing through before you make a commitment to something that your not sure about,as far as some of the guys on here saying to you that if you have to ask then no your not in love is just a bit silly i would say,
you see before i got married i too had a lot of questions about the way i felt about the woman i was about to marry...
well the thing that really helped me decide was one day i tried to think about every unpleasant thing that i could imagine having to endure with her and as i went down the list of things i began to realize that there was nothing that could happen to her or us that i wasn't prepared to deal with and believe me i thought about some nasty situations,
we ended up getting married a little over 25 years ago now and we are still together and although we went through some very trying times we survived them because we love each other and would do anything for the other.

so what I'm trying to say here is,
the way you know your in love is if you are ready to be there with her forever through the bad times no matter how bad they get......any putz could survive the good times.

okay....schools dismissed.

ME4440
09-10-2009, 03:06 AM
Love, love, love...man thats a complicated subject. I think love is different for everyone theres no timeline for falling in love, and i think u can fall in love with almost anyone. U have to pray about it like crazy and leave the rest to God, i think he made someone for everyone, im still waiting on mine i have a hard time dealing with the fact that were on Gods time and not our own. If u stay in the word and talk to God, he'll let ya know whats right i promise i dated a girl for 4 1/2 years loved her to death and i still love her but never really wanted to marry her i believe that was God letting me know that i didnt need to. I dated another girl...we split up and she doesnt want me now and id do anything to have her back i want to marry her, and have never felt so strongly about something being Gods will as i have that, and i dont know what to do...maybe God isnt ready for that to happen, maybe not with her at all who knows all we can do is pray and trust God